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Say Puritan, tell me, can it he wrong,
To dress plain truths in witty song?
THE MERRY MUSES
ANNA.
TUNE—The Banks of Banna.
Yestreen I had a pint o1 wine,
A place where body saw na',
Yestreen lay on this breast o' mine,
The raven locks of Anna:
The hungry Jew, in wilderness,
Rejoicing o*er his manna,
Was naething to my hinny bliss,
Upon the lips of Anna.
Ye monarehs tak' the East and West,
Frae Indus to Savannah;
G-ie me within my straining grasp,
The melting form of Anna:
Then I'll- despise imperial charms,
An empress or sultana;
While dying raptures in her arms,
I give an' take with Anna.
D
Awa thou flaunting God of Day!
Awa thou pale Diana!
Ilk starn gae hide thy twinkling ray
When Pm to meet my Anna.
Come in thy raven plumage, Night,
Sun, moon and stars withdrawn a?,
An' bring an angel pen to write
My transports wi* my Anna.
POSTSCRIPT.
The kirk and state may join an' tell,
To do such things I manna:
The kirk an' state may gae to h—1,
An' I'll gae to my Anna.
She is the sunshine o' my e'e,
To live from her I canna;
Had I on earth but wishes three,
The first should be my Anna.
O, SAW YE MY MAGGY.
TUNE—Saw Ye Na My Peggy,
O saw ye my Maggy,
O saw ye my Maggy,
0 saw ye my Maggy,
Gamin* o'er the lee!
7
What mark has your Maggy,
What mark has your Maggy,
What mark has your Maggy,
That ane may ken her be?
My Maggy has a mark;
You'll find it in the dark;
It's in below her sark.
A little aboon her knee.
What wealth has your Maggy,
What wealth has your Maggy,
What wealth has your Maggy,
In tocher, gear, or feel
My Maggy has a treasure,
A hidden mine o' pleasure,
I'll howk it at my leisure,
It's all alane for me.
How meet ye your Maggy,
How meet ye your Maggy,
How meet ye your Maggy,
When nane's to hear or see?
E'en that tell our wishes,
Eager glowing kisses,
Then diviner blisses,
Im holy eestacy!
8
How loe ye your Maggy,
How loe ye your Maggy,
How loe ye your Maggy,
And loe nane but shef
Heav'nly joys before me I
Bapture trembling o'er me!
Maggy, I adore thee.
On my bended knee.
THE TOASTS.
Dinner o'er and grace said, we'll for business prepare^
Arrang'd right and left in support of a chair;
We'll chorus the song as the circling toast passes,
And manage our bumpers as musical glasses.
To your lips, my eonvivials, the burgundy lift,
May we never want courage when put to the shift $
Here's what tars dislike, and lassie's like best;
What's that? you may whisper; why 'tis to be preet,
You fowlers, who eager at partridges aim,
Don't mark the maim'd covey, but mind better game;
'Tis beauty's the sport to repay sportsmen's trouble?
And there may your pointers "stand stiff in the stubble.
To game we give laws, and game laws we have kill in:
Here's love's laws, and they who those laws are ful-
filling
9
But never may damsel demur to our sport,
J$0i we suffer non-suits, when ealPd into court.
Like Indians when warring, our game we must flush,
Ob our breasts as we lie, we present thro' the bush;
Here's the nest in that bush, and the bird nesting lover;
Here's Middlesex bush fighting, rest and recover.
Asthmatical lovers exist but to eat;
Thej purchase repletions at each turtle treat;
Our feasts boast a flavour unknown to made dishes;
Here 's life>s dainty dressed up with the sweet sauce of,
kisses.
IFair befall every lass, fair may fine ladies fall,
No colour I '11 fix on but drink to them all:
The black, the brunette and the golden-locked dame,.
The lock of all locks, and unlocking the same.
More upright foreknowledge that lock is commanding
Than all other locks, or Lock's Understanding;
That lock has the casket of cupid within it:
8© here's to the key, lads—the critical minute.
Lads, pour forth libations from bottles and bowls;,
The mother of all-saints should be drunk by all souls;
10
Here's to the downbed of beauty, which upraises man,
And beneath the thatch 'd house, the miraculous can.
Here's the dockyard that furnishes Great Britain's
fleets,
The bookbinder's wife manufacturing in sheets;
The brown female reaper who dares undertake her,
And the wife of Will "Wattle, the neat basket maker.
Here's Beersheba's cockpit, where David stood sentry;-
Eve's custom house, where Adam made the first entry;
Here's the pleasant-plac'd waterfall, 'midst Bushy
park;
The nick make's the tail stand, the farrier's wife's
mark.
That the hungry be filled with rich things, let us say,
.And well pleas'd may the rich be sent empty away:
Here's the miller's wife's music; the lass that's lamb-
like,
And the fence of the farmer to the top of love's dyke.
But why from this roundabout phrase must be guessed,
What in one single syllable's better express'd;
That syllable then, I may sentiment call,
Bo here's to the word which is one word for all.
II
FO0B BODIES DO NOTHING BUT M—W.
TUNE—The Campbells are Comin\
When princes and prelates,
AnJ hot-headed zealots,
A? Europe has set in a low, a low;
The poor man lies down,
Nor envies a crown,
But comforts himself wi' a m—w, a m—w.
An? why shou7drna poor bodies m—w, m—w, m—w,
An7 why short'd na poor bodies m—w;
The rich they hae siller, an? houses, and land,
Poor bodies hae naething but m—w.
When P—s—k's great prince
Gade a cruizin to France,
.Republican billies to cow, cow, cow;
Great P—s—k;s Strang prince
Wadda shawn better sense,
At hame wi} his prin—ss to m—w, m—w, m—w.
An7 why, &c.
The E—p—r swore,
By sea an? by shore,
At- Paris to kick up a row, a row;
12
But Paris, ay ready,
Just leugh at the laddie,
And bade him gae home, an' gae m—w, m—w; m—w.
An* why, &c,
When the brave duke of Y—k,
The Ehine first did pass,
Beupblican armies to cow, cow, cow,
They bade him gae hame,
To his P—ss—n dame,
Ans gie her a kiss an' a m—w, m—w.
An' why, &c.
But over the Bhine,
Proud P—ss—a did shine,
To spend his last bluid he did vow, vow, vowj
But P—d—ek had better
Ne'er forded the water,
. Bat spent as he'd ought at a m—w, a m—w.
An' why, &c.
The blaek-lieaded eagle,
As keen as a beagle,
ile hunted o'er height and o'er howe, howe, howe;
In the braes of Gemap,
He fell in a trap,
E'en let him come out as he dow, dow, dow.
An' why, &e,
J3
Then fill up your glasses,
Ye sons o' Parnassus,
This toast I am sure you'll allow, allow;
Here's Greordie our king,
And Charlotte his queen,
And lang may they live for to m—w, in-—w, m—w.
An' why, &e,
THE FOEOTCAT0K.
TUNE—Clout the Cauldron.
Ye jovial boys, who love the joys
The blissfu' joys of lovers;
An' dare avow wi' dauntless brow,
YVIiate'er the lass discovers;
I pray draw near, an* you shall hear
An' welcome in a frater
I've lately been on quarantine,
A proven fornicator,
Before the congregation wide,
I passed the muster fairly,
My handsome Betsey by my side,
We gat our ditty rarely.
My down east eye, by chance did spy,
H
What made my mouth to water,
Those limbs sae clean, where I betwee%
Commenced a fornicator,
Wi ruefu' face an' signs o; grace,
I paid the buttock hire;
The night was dark an' thro' the park^
I cou'cl no but convey her.
A parting kiss—what cou'd I less,
My vows began to scatter;
Sweet Betsey fell, fai lal de ral;
I am a fornicator.
But by the sun an' moon I swear—
An* I fulfill ilk hair o%
That y^hile I own a single crown,
She's welcome to a share o?t.
My sweet wee girl, her mother^ pearl?
An7 darling of her pater,
I for her sake the name will take,
A hardened fornicator.
THE MODIEWARK.
TUNE—0 For Ane an' Twenty Tarn.
The modiewark has done me ill,
AnJ below my apron has biggit a hill:
A maun consult some learned dark
About this wanton modiewark.
15
An7 0 the wanton modiewark;
The weary wanton modiewark-
I maun consult some learned dark,
About this wanton modiewark.
O first it gat between my taes,
Oot o'er my garter next it gaes;
At length it crap below my sark,
The weary wanton modiewark.
An5 o, &c.
This wodiewark, tho' it be blin7?
If ance the nose o 't you lat in,
Then to the hilts, within a crack,
It's out o' sight, the modiewark.
An' o, &c.
When Marjorie was made a bride,
An' Willy lay down by her side,
Syne nocht was heard, when aJ was dark,
But kicking at the modiewark.
An; o, &c.
SXTPPEB IS NA BEADY.
TUJSTE--Cfout the Cauldron.
Eoseberry to his lady says,
"My hinnie and my succor,
16
"O shall we do the thing you ken!
Or shall we take our supper!M
Pal lal, &c.
Wi' modest face, so fu' oJ grace,
Beply7d the bonnie lady,
"My noble lord, do as ye please,
But supper is na ready.?J
Fal lal, &c.
THE PLOUGHMAN.
The ploughman he 's a bonnie lad,
His mind is ever true, Jo;
His garters knit below the knee,
His bonnet it is blue, Jo.
Sing up wi?t aJ, the ploughman lad,
And hey the merry ploughman:
0; a'-the trades that I do ken,
Commend me to the ploughman.
As wakin? forth upon a dey?
I met a jolly ploughman;
I told him I had lands to plough,
If that he would prove true, man.
Sing, &c.
17
He says, my dear, tak ye nae f ear^
I'll fit you till, a hair, Jo;
I'll cleave it up, and hit it down,
And water furrow }t fair, Jo.
Sing, &c.
I hae three owsen in my plough,
Three better ne'qr plough *d ground, Jo;
The foremost ox is plump and sma','
The twa are plump and round, Jo.
Sing, &c.
Then he wiJ speed did yoke his plough,
Which by a gaud was driven, Jo;
And when he was atween the stilts,
I thought I was in heaven, Jo.
Sing7 &c.
But the foremost ox fell in the fur,
The tither two did founder;
The ploughman lad he breathless grew,
In trowth, it was nae wonder.
Sing, &c.
But a sykie risk, below a hill,
The plough she took a stane, Jo,
i8
Which gar the fire flee frae the sock,
The ploughman gied a grane, Jo.
Sing, &c..
I hae plough ;d east, I hae plough Jd west,
In weather foul and fair, Jo;
But the fairest ploughing e'er I ploughed,
Was ploughing amang hair, Jo.
Sing, &c.
Sing up wi'd a', and in wi't a?,
And hey my merry ploughman;
0' a' the trades and crafts I ken,
Commend me to the ploughman.
Sing, &e.
THE BOWEFu OF BLISS.
TUNE—Logan Water.
Whilst others to thy bosom rise,
And paint the glories of thine eyes,
Or bid thy lips and cheeks disclose,
The unfading bloom of Eden's rose;
Less obvious charms my songs inspire,
Which felt, not fear'd, we must admire,
Less obvious charms, not less divine,
I sing that lovely bower of thine.
i9
Sich gems worth India's wealth alone,
How much pursued, how little know*;
Tho7 rough its face, tho' dim its hue,
It foils the lustre of Peru.
The vet'ran such a prize to gai»,
Might all the toils of war sustain;
The devotee forsakes his shrine,
To venerate that bower of thine.
When the stung heart feels keen desire,
And thro' each vein pours liquid fire;
When, with flushed cheeks and burning eyes,
The lover to thy bosom flies;
Believe, dear maid, believe my vow,
By Venus' self, I swear 'tis true;
More bright thy higher beauties shine,
IHuni'd by that strange bower of thine.
"What thought sublime, what lofty strain,
Its wondrous virtues can explain?
jSTo place, howe'er remote can be
From its intense attraction free;
Tho? more elastic far than steel,
Its force ten thousand needles feel;
Pleas ;d their high temper to resign,
In that magnetic bower of thine.
20
Irriguous' vale, embrowned with shades
Which no obtrusive storm pervades,;
Soft clime, where native summer grows,
And nectar;d living current flows!
Not Tempers vale, renowned of yore,
Of charms could boast such endless store;
More than elysian sweets combine
To grace that smiling bower of thine.
O! may no rash invaders stain,
Love's warm sequestered virgin fame!
For me alone let gentle fate
Preserve the dear august retreat!
Along its banks when shall I stray?
Its beauteous landscape when survey?
How long in fruitless anguish pine?
Nor view unveiPd that bower of thine.
Oh! let my tender, trembling hand,
The awful gate of life expand!
With all its wonders feast my, sight;
Dear prelude to immense delight!
Till plunged in liquid joy profound,
The dark unfathom'd deep I sound;
All panting on thy breast recline,
And murmuring, bless that bower of thine.
21
Y0H, YOH? YOIT LASSIE.
TUNE—Ruff ant's Rant.
0 yon, yon, yon lassie,
Yon, yon, yon;
1 never met a bonnie lassie,
But what wad play at you.
O yon, yon, &c.
I never saw a silken gown,
But I wad kiss the sleeve o't,
I never saw a maidenhead,
That I wad spier the leave o ;t.
O yon, yon, &e.
Tell nae me o; Meg, my wife,
That crowdie has nae savour;
But gie to me a bonny lass,
An' let me steel the favour.
O yon, yon, &c.
Gie me her I kis't yestereen,
I vow "but she was handsome,
For ilka briss upon her ------,
Was worth a royal ransom.
An? jon^ yon, yon lassie,
Yon, yon, yon;
I never saw a bonny lass, '
But what wad play at .you.
22
THE BANTHST I>O0, THK BADDY O'T.
TUNE—Bast Nook o? Fife.
0 wha will babie clouts will buy?
O wha will tent me when I cry?
O wha will kiss me where I lie,
But the rantin' dog, the daddy o'tf
O wha will own he did the faut?
O wha will tell me how to ea't,
But the rantin* dog, the daddy o;t.
An' when I mount tlie creepie chair,
O wha will sit beside me there?
Just gie me Bab, I ask nae mair
But the rantinJ dog, the daddy o 7t.
O wha will crack to me my lane?
An' wha will make me fidgin fain!
O wha will kiss me o'er again,
But the rantin' dog, the daddy o't.
THE COOPBB O' DUNDEE.
TUNE—Bonny Dundee.
Ye coopers and hoopers attend to my ditty,
I sing o? a cooper wha dwelt in Dundee;
This young man he was baith am'rous and witty,
He pleased the fair maids YfiJ a blink o? his e?e.
23
He was nae a fcooper, a common tub-hooper,
The most o? his trade lay in pleasing the fair;
He hoop't them, he eoop't them, he bor't them, he
plug;t them^
An; a? sent for Sandie when out o' repair.
Por a twelvemonth or sae this youth was respectit,
An' he was-as busie as weel he could be;
But his bis'ness increased sae, that some were negleetit3
Which ruin'd his trade in the town o} Dundee.
A baillie's fair daughter had wanted a cooping
And Sandie was sent for, as oft times was he;
He verk'd her sae hard, that she sprung an end-hooping
Which banish'd poor Sandie frae bonny Dundee.
THE HIGHLAND LADDIE.
As I came o ;er the Cairney mount,
Down amang the blooming heather,
The highland laddy drew his dirk,
And sheath ?d it in my wanton leather.
O my bonnie, bonnie highland laddie,
My handsome, charming highland laddie;
When I am sick and like to die,
He'l row me in his highland pladdie.
24
With me he played his warlike pranks,
And on me boldly did adventure,
He did attack me on both flanks?
And pushed me fiercely in the center,
O my bonnie, &c.
A furious feight he did maintain,
Wi7 equal courage and desire;
Altho? he charged me three to ane
I stood my ground, and received his lire.
O my bonnie, <&c.
But our ammunition being spent,
And we quite out o' breath an? sweating,
We did agree, wi7 ae consent,
To f eight it out at the next meeting.
O my bonnie, &c.
"SOGER LADDIE."
I onee was a maid, thoJ I canna tell when,
An' still my delight is in proper young men,
Some one of a troop of dragoons was my daddie,
No wonder I'm fond of a soger laddie.
Sing, lal de lal, &c.
25
The first of my loves was a swagg'rin blade,
To rattle the thunderin' drum was his trade:
His leg was so tight,, and his cheek was so ruddy,
Transported I was with my soger laddie:
Sing, lal cle lal, &c.
But the godly old chaplain left him in the lurch,
The sword I forsook for the sake of the church;
lie ventured the soul, and I risked the body,
'Twas then I proved false to my soger laddie,
Sing, lal de lal, &c.
Full soon I grew sick of my sanctified sot,
The regiment at large for a husband I got;
From the gilded spontoon to the fife I was ready,
I asked no more but a soger laddie.
Sing, lal de lal, &c.
But the peace it reduced me to beg in despair,
Till I met my old laddie at Quinnigham fair,
His rags regimental they flutter so gaudy,
My heart it rejoie'd at my soger laddie.
Sing, lal de lal, &c.
An now I have liv'd—I-know not how long,
An' still I can joy in a cup or a song;
And whilst with both hands I can hold the glass steady,
Heref8 to thee, my hero, my soger laddie.
Sing, lal de lal, &c.
26
THERE'S HAIB ON'T.
TUNE—Push About the Jorum.
0 ere yestreen I stented graith,
An' laboured lang an sair on't;
But fient a work, nor work wad it,
There's sic a crap o' hair on't.
There's hair on't, there's hair on'e,
There's thretty thrave and mair on't;
But gin I live t'anither year,
I'll tether my gray naigs on't.
An' up the glen there was a knowe,
Below the knowe a lair on't;
1 maist had perish 'd fit an' horse,
I eou'd na see for hair on't.
There's hair on't, &c.
But I'll plant a stake into the ftawe,
That ploughmen may take care on't;
An' lay twa steppin' stanes below,
An' syne I'll eowe the hair on't.
There's hair on't, &e»
ERROCK BRAE.
TUNE—Sir Alex..Don's Strathspey.
O Errock stane, may never maid
A maiden by these gae,
Nor e'er a stane o' stan'in' graith,
Q-oe stan'in' o'er the brae.
An' tillin' Errock brae, young man,
An' tillin' Errock brae;
An open fur, an' stan'in' graith,
Maun till the Errock brae.
As I sat by the Errock stane,
Surveyin' far an' near,
Up cam' a Cameronian
Wi' a' his preachin' gear.
An' tillin', &c.
He flang the bible o'er the brae,
Amang the rashy gerse,
But the solemn league an? covenant
lie laid below my----------.
An' tillin', &c.
An' on the edge o' Errock brae,
He gae me sie a sten
23
That o ;er, an; o ;er we rowe,
Till we cam to the glen.
An? tilling &c.
Yet still he------held the grip,
An? still his-------hang,
That a synod couMna tell the a—se.
To whom they did belang.
An? tillin/, &c.
A prelate he loups on before,
A Catholic behind
But give me a Cameronian,
Hell m—w a body blinJ.
An> tilling &c.
MY AUNT JEANIE'S BED.
TUNE—John Anderson.
{i Jenny Picken 7s on the shore,
She has written on the door
"Ony man a sixpence more—
Whistle o'er the love oJt.??
My auntie Jean held to the shore,
As Ailsa boats earn' back,
An' she has coft a feather-bed
For twenty anr a plaek;
01 what a noble bargain
Was auntie Jeanie's bed!
An' in't she wan guid fifty mark,
Before a towmond sped.
29
WAD YE DO THAT.
Same Tune,
Gudewife, when your gudeman's frae hanie,
Might I but be sae bauld,
As come to your bed-chamber,
When winter nights are cauld?
As come to your bed-chamber,
When nights are cauld an? wat;
AnJ" lie in your gudeman's stead,
Gudewife, wad ye do that?
Young man, gif ye should be sae kind,
When our gudeman's .frae hame,
As come to my bed-chamber,
Whare I am laid my lane,
An7 lie in your gudeman's stead;,
I will tell you what,
jle ___------- me £ve times ilk night,
Young man, wad ye do that!
30
FOR A> THAT AN' A' THAT.
Put butter in my Donald's brose,
For weel does Donald fa* that,
I loe my Donald's tartans weel,
His naked a-se, an' a* that
For a' that an' a' that,
An' twice as meikle's a' that,
The lassie gat a skelpit doup,
But wan the day, for a* that.
For Donald sware a solemn aith,
By his first hairy gravati
That he wad fight the battle there,
AaJ stick the lass, an' a' that.
For a' that, &e>
His ------, baith side an' wide,
Hang like a beggar's walletj
jja* ----------? like a rollin* pin,
She nicher'd when she saw that.
For a' that, &c.
Then she turned up her ------r ------
An' she bade Donald claw that;
The deevil's dizzen Donald drew,
An' Donald gied her a' that.
3i
An' a7 that, an' a that,
An* twice as meikle's a' tkatj
The lassie gat a skelpit cloup,
But wan the day, for a' that.
THE PATBIABCH.
TUNE—The Auld Cripple Dow.
As honest Jacob on a night,
Wi' his beloved beauty,
Was duly laid on Wedlock's bed,
An' noddin' at his duty.
Fal de lal, &c.
"How lang," she says, "ye fumblin' wretch,
"Will ye be -------at it?
"My eldest wean might die o' age,
'' Before that you could get it. ''
"Ye pech, an' grane, an' groazle there,
"An make an unco' splutter,
"An' I maun lie an' thole you here,
"An' fient a hair the better."
"Then he, in wrath, put up Ms graith,
"The devil's in the hissie!
32
"Pin—w you as I in—w the lave,
"An' night an' day I'm bizzy.
"I've bairned the servant gypsies baith,
"Forby your titty, Leah;
"Ye barren jad, ye pit me mad,
"What mair can I do wi' you,
"There's ne'er a m—w I've gien the lave,
"But ye ha'e got a dizzen;
"An' ---------- a ane ye'se get again,
"Altho' your ---------- should gizzen."
But Rachel, calm as any lamb,
She claps him on the waulies,
Quo' she, "Ne'er fash a woman's clash,
"In troth, ye m—w me brawlies,
"My dear, 'tis true, for many a m—w,
"I'm your ungratefu/ debtor;
"But ance again, I dinna ken,
""We'll ablens happen better."
Then honest man! wi little wark,
He soon forgat his ire;
The patriarch he cooft the sark,
An' up an' till't like fire!
33
TUNE—Maggie Lauder.
He till't, and she till't,
An5 a' to make a lad again;
The auld beld carl
When he wan on to nod again.
An7 he dang, an she flang,
An' a' to make aladdie o't;
But he bor'd an' she roar'd,
An' a' to make a laddie o't;
HEBE'S HEALTH IN Y^ATEE.
TUNE—In Johnston's Scotch Songs, Vol. v, p. 494.
Altho' my back be at the wa;}
An' tho' he be the fan'tor;
Altho' my back be at the wa',
I'll drink his health in water.
0 wae gae by his wanton sides,
Sae brawly he could flatter;
1 for his sake am slighted sair?
An' dries the kintra clatter;
But let them sae whate'er they like,
■ Yet, here \. Ms" health in water.
He follow'd me, baith out an' in,
Thro' a' the nooks o' Killie;
34
He follow'd me baith out an' in,
Wi' a stiff stan'in------;
But when he gat between my legs,
We made an unco spatter;
An'- haith, I trow, I soupled it,
Tho' bauldly he did blatter;
But tho' my back is at the waJ,
Yet here's his health in water.
I REDE YOTJ BEWARE O' THE RIPPLES*
TUNE—The Tailor's Faun Thro' the Bed, fe
I rede you beware o' the ripples, young man;
I rede you beware o' the ripples, young man;
Tho' the saddle be saft, ye need' na ride aft,
For fear that the girdin' beguile you, young mass*
I rede you beware oJ the ripples, young man;
I rede you beware o' the ripples, young man;
Tho* music be pleasure, tak music in measure^
Or ye may want whin' i' your whistle, young maa,
35
I rede you beware o' the ripples, young man,
1 rede you beware o' the ripples, young man,
Gif ye would be Strang, an' wish to live lang,
Dance less wi' your a-se to the ripples, young man.
AOT SEDRUNT O' THE COURT O' SESSION.
TUNE—O'er the Muir Among the Heather.
In Embrugh town they've made a law,
In Embrugh at the court o' session;
That stan'in------are fau'tors a',
An7 guilty o' a high trangression.
Decreet o' the court o; the session,
Act sedurunt o' the session,
That stan'in' ---------- are fau'tors a',
An' guilty o' a high transgression.
An' they've provided dungeons deep,
Ilk lass has ane in her possession;
Until the fau'tors wail and weep,
There they shall lie for their transgression,
Decreet o' the court o' session ,
Act sederunt o' the session,
The rogues in pouring tears shall weeps
By act sedurunt o' the session,
36
THE XASS 0' LIVISTON.
The bonnie lass o' Liviston,
Her name ye ken, her name ye ken;
AnJ ay the weleomer ye'II be,
The further ben, the further ben,
An' she has written in her contract
To lie her lane, to lie her lane;
An' I hae written in my contract,
To claw her wame, to claw her wame.
The bonny lass o' Liviston,
She's berry brown, she's berry brown,
An' ye winna true her lovely locks,
Gae further down, gae further down.
She has a black and rolling eye,
An' a dimplit chin, an' a dimplit chin,
An' no to prie her rosie lips,
Wad be a sin, wad be a sin.
The bonnie lass o' Liviston,
Cam in to me, cam in to me,
I wat wi' baith ends o' the busk,
I made me free, I made me- free.
I laid her feet to mj bed stock,
Her head to the wa', her head to the wa',
An' I gaed her wee coat on her teeth,
Her sark an' a', her sark an' a'.
37
WELL YE NA, CAN YE NA LET ME BEL
TUNE—He Hae laid a Kerrm' in Saut.
There liv'd a wife in Whistlecockpen,
Will ye na, can ye na let me be;
She brews good jill for gentlemen,
An' ay she waggit it wantonlie.
The night blew sair wi' wind and weet.
Will ye na, &c.
She shaw'd the traveler Ben to sleep,
An ay, &c.
She saw a sight below his sark,
Will ye na, &e.
Bhe wadna wanted for a mark,
An' ay, &c.
Bhe saw a sight aboon his knee,
Will ye na, &e.
She wadna wanted it for three,
An' ay, &e.
0 whare live ye, "an' what's your trade!
Will ye na, &c.
1 am a thresher guid, he said,
An' ay, &e.
38
And that's my flail and workin' graith,
Will ye na, &c.
An* noble tools, quo' she, by my faith,
An' ay, &c.
I wad gie a browst, the best I hae,
Will ye na, &e.
For a guid darg o' graith like thae,
An' ay, &e.
I wad sell the hair f rae off my tail,
Will ye na, &c.
To buy our Andrew siecan a flail,
An' ay, &c.
THE CASE OF CONSCIENCE.
TUNE—Anld Sir Symon, The King,
I '11 tell you a tale of a wife,
An' she was a whig an' a saunt,
She liv'd a most sanctified life,
But whyles she was fash'd wi' her------.
Poor woman she gaed to the priest,
, AnJ to him she made her complaint;
There's naething that troubles my breast,
Sae sair, as the sins o' my------.
39
He "bade her to clear up her brow,
An' no be discouraged upon't,
For haly guid women enov^,
Are mony times waur'd wi' their------
It's nocht but Beelzebub's art,
An7 that's the mair sign of a saunt;
He kens that ye're pure at the heart,
So he levels his darts at your----------
O you that are called an' free,
Elektit anJ chosen a saunt,
"Wilt break the eternal decree,
"Whatever ye do wi' your—:------f
An' now^wi' a sanctified kiss,
Let's kneel and renew the cov'nant,
It's this—and it's this—and it's this—,
That settles the pride o' your ------.
Devotion blew up to a flame,
jSTae words can do justice upon'tj
The honest ault carlin gaed home,
Eejoicin' and clawin' her —-------
40
COMIN' O'EB THE HILLS O' C0UPA1L
TUNE—Euffian's Bant.
Comin' o'er the hills o' Coupar?
Comin' o'er the hills o' Goupar?
Donald in a sudden wrath,
He ran his highland dirk into her,
Donald Brodie met a lass
Comin' o'er the hills o' Couparj
Donald, wi' his highland hand,
Graipit a' the bits about her.
Comin' o'er, &c.
Weel I wat she was a quene,
Wad make a body's mouth to water;
Our Mess John, wi's auld gray pow^
His haly lips would lieket at 'heiu
Comin' o'er, &c.
Up she started in a fright,
An' thro' the braes what she could Meters
Whither gang, quo' Donald now,
For in him's nerse my shot is sikes.
Comin' o 'er, &c.
4i
BBOSE AND BUTTER.
Jenny sits up V the laft,
Sockie wad fain be at her;
But there came a wind out o? the west
Made all the winnocks to scatter.
0 gie my love, brose, brose,
O gie my love brose and butter;
~¥qt nane in Carrick wi' him,
Can please a lassie better.
The lavrock loes the stibble;
The paitrick lo'es the stipple;
An? hey for the gardener lad,
To gully awa' wi' his dibble!
O gie, &e.
My daddie sent me to the hill,
To pu' my Minnie some heather,
An' drive in your fill,
Ye?re welcome to the leather.
O gie, &c.
The mouse is a merry wee beast,
The modiewark wants the een;
42
An' o for a. touch of the thing,
I had in my nieve yestreen.
O gie, &c.
We a' were fou yestreen,
The night shall be its brither;
An' hey for a merry pin,
To nail twa wames togither,
0 gie, &c.
THE SIMMBE MOBN.
TUNE—-Push About the Jorum.
When maukin-bucks at early ----------,
In dewy glens are seen, sir,
When birds on boughs, tak aff their mows,
Amang the leaves sae green, sir,
Latona's son looks liquorish on
Dame Nature's grand impetus,
Till his Pego rise, then westward flies,
Xo r----------r Madam Thetis.
Yon wand'ring rill that marks the MO,
An' glances o'er the brae, sir,
Sides by a bower, where many a flower,
Sheds fragrance on the day, sir;
43
There Damon lay, wi* Sylvia gay
To love they thought no crime, sir;
The wild birds sang, the echoes rang,
While Damon>s ---------- beat time, sir.
First, wi; the thrush, his thrust an' push,
Had compass large an7 long, sir;
The blackbird next, his tunefu' text,
Was bolder, clear an' strong, sir,
The linnet ?s lay came then in play,
An* the lark that soared aboon, sir;
Till Damon, fierce, mistimed his ---------,
A_n> ---------- quite out of time, sir.
SHE GRIPPET AT THE GIRTEST G'T.
TUNE—East JSTook o> Fife.
Our bride Hate, and our bride Hang,
But lang before the lav'rock sang,
She paid him twice for ev'ry bang,
And grippet at J;he girtest o 't.
Our bride turned her to the wa',
But long before the cock did craw,
£>he took him by the------an' a?
An7 grippet at the girtest o't.
44
WHA'LL KISS MB 3ST0W*
TTJNE—Comm/ Thro the Bye,
O wha^ll kiss me now, my Jo?
An' wha'll kiss me now;
A soger wi' his bandiliers
Has banged my belly fu'.
O I hae tint my rosy cheek,
Likewise my waist sae sma?;
O wae gae by the soger lown,
The soger did it a*.
Any wha'll, &c.
Now I maun thole the seornfu' sneer,
O' mony a saucy queue;
When, curse upon her godly face!
Her ---------- as merry's mine.
An7 wha'll, &e.
Our dame hauds up her wanton tail,
As due as she gaes lies;
An? yet rnisca's a young thing;
The trade if she but try.
An' wha'll, &e.
Our dame can lae her ain gudeman,
&n> _---------for glutton greed.
45
An' yet misca' a poor thing
That's ---------- for its bread.
An' wka'll, &c.
Alakel sae sweet a tree as love,
Sic bitter fruit should bear!
Alake, that e'er a merry ----------,
Should draw a sautty tear.
An' wha'll, &c.
But deevil take the lausy loun,
Denies the bairn he got!
Or lea's the merry ---------- ee lo'ed,
To waar a ragged coat.
An' wha'll, &c.
YESE GET A HOLE TO HIDE IT IN.
TUNE—Waukin o'er the Fauld.
O will ye speak at our town,
As ye come frae the fair?
An' yese get a hole to hide it in;
Yese get a hole^to hide it in,
Will yese speak at our town,
As ye come frae the fair!
Yese get a hole to hide it in,
Will hide it a' an' mair.
46
O hand awa' your hand, sir,
Ye gar me ay think shame;
An' yese get a hole to hide it in,
Yese get a hole to hide it in;
O haud away your hand, sir,
Ye gar me ay think shame;
An' yese get a hole to hide it in,
An' think yours el' . at hame.
O will .ye let abee sir?
Toots! now, ye've reft my sark,
An' yese get a hole to hide it in,
Yese get a hole to hide it in;
O will ye let abee, sir,
Toots! now ye've reft my sark,
An' yese get a hole to hide it in,
Where ye may work your wark.
O haud awa your hand, sir,
Ye're like to pit me daft;
An' yese get a hole to hide it in,
Yese get a hole to hide it in;
O hand awa your hand, sir,
Ye're like to pit me daft;
An' yese get a hole to hide it in,
To keep it warm an' saft.
47
O haud it in your hand, sir,
Till I get up my claes,
An' yese get a hole to hide it. in,
Yese get a hole to hide it in,
O haud it in your hand, sir,
Till I get up my claes,
And yese get a hole to hide it in,
To keep it frae the flaes.
DUNCAH MAOLEEBIE.
TUNE—Jocky MacGilL
Duncan Macleerie an' Janet, his wife,
'Th&j. gaed to Kilmarnock to buy a new knife;
But instead of a knife, they coft but a bleerie;
We're very wellserv'd, Janet, quo' Duncan Macleerie.
Duncan Macleerie has got a new fiddle,
It'S'3trung wi' hair, an' a hole in the middle;
Ai? ay when he plays on't, his wife looks so cheery?
Texy weel done, Duncan, quo' Janet Macleerie.
Duncan he play'd till his l>ow it grew greasy;
Janet grew fretfu' an' unco uneasy;
Hoot, quo' she, Duncan, your unco soon weary;
Flay us a pibroch, quo' Janet Macleerie.
Duncan Macleerie he play'd on the harp,
An; Janet Macleerie she danc'd in her sark;
Her sark it was short, her —-------it was hairy,
Yery weel danc'd, Janet; quo' Duncan Macleerie.
DUNCAN DAVIDSON.
There was a lass, they ca'd her Meg,
An' she gae'd o?er the muir to spin;
She lied a lad to lift her leg,
They ea?ed him Duncan Davidson.
Fal lal, &c.
Meg had a muff, and it was rough,
7Twas black without and red within;
An' Duncan, case he got the cauld,
He slipt his Highland Pistol in.
Pol lal, &c.
Meg had a muff, an' it wos rough,
An* Duncan strak twa neivfu' in;
She clasped her heels about his waist,
I thank you, Duncan! yerk it in.
Fal lal, &c.
49
Duncan made her hurdies dreep,
In highland wrath, then Meg did say;
O gang he east, or gang he west;
I£is ---------: win "be no dry the day.
Fal lal, &c.
THEY TOOK ME TO THE HALY BAND.
TUNE—Clout the Cauldron.
They took me to the haly band/
For playing by my wife, sir.
An7 lang and sair they lectur'd me,
For handing sic a life, sir.
I answer'd in na mony words,
"■"What cleil needs aJ this clatter;
As lang as she could keep the grip
I aye was ---------- at her.M
THE CHAMBERMAID.
"Not far from town, a country squire,
An open-hearted blade,
Had long confess ?d a strong desir^
To kiss the chambermaid.
To Mss the chambermaid.
So
One summer's noon, quite fu' o' glee,
He led her to the shade,
And all beneath a mulberry tree,
He kiss'd the chambermaid.
He kiss'd the chambermaid.
The parson's wife, from window high,
The am'rous pair survey'd;
And softly wished, none can deuyv
She'd been the chambermaid;
When all was o'er, poor Betty cry 2d
Kind sir, I'm much afraid,
That woman there will tell your bride
You kiss'd the chambermaid.
The squire conceiv'd a lucky thought,
That she might not upbraid;
An' instantly the lady brought,
Where he had kissed the maid;
Then, all beneath the mulb'ry tree,
Her ladyship was laid,
An' three times sweetly kiss'd was she,
Just like her chambermaid,
Next morning* came the parson's wife,
(For scandal was her trade),
I saw your 'squire, ma'm, on my life?
Greet with your chambermaid;
5*
When, cry'd the lady, where, and how?
I'll soon discharge the jade;
Beneath the mulb'ry tree, I vow,
He kissed your chambermaid.
This falsehood, cry'd her ladyship,
Shall not my spouse degrade.
'Twas I chane'd there to make a slip,
And not the chambermaid;
Both parties parted in a pet,
Not trusting what she said;
And Betty keeps her service yet,
The pretty chambermaid.
DON'T BE IN SUOH A HTJRBY.
One winter's night, in axn'rous mood,
I went to see my Sally,
The rain beat hard, the wind blew loud,
Which dreary made me dally;
'Twas late, and Sal had gone to bed,
I knock'd her in a Hurry,
Make haste, I cried; I'm here, she said,
Don't be in such a hurry.
52
Down stairs she came and let me in,
All in her shift, I vow, sir,
And tho* I wet was to the skin,
I felt I scarce know how, sir,
I kiss'd her lips, her bubbies prest,
Which put me in a fury,
With lightning in her eyes, she cried,
Don't be in such a hurry.
Up-stairs we went, and into bed,
When love soon crowned our wishes,
My vig'rous nature soon was spent",
In such transporting blisses;
The morning came, I rose to part,
When she cried, in a flurry,
Whene'er you eome this way again,
Don't be in such a hurry.
SYLVIA.
As Sylvia on her arm reclining,
In a shady, cool retreat,
All in dishabille, designing—fal, lal, &c.
To elude the sultry heat;
All in dishabille, designing
To elude the sultry heat.
53
All reveal ?d, she thought no stander—
By could view the lovely fair,
While cool zephyrs came and fann'd her—
fal lal, &c,
Beauteous face with fragrant air.
While cool zephyrs, &c.
Thus the happy nymph lay panting,
Sighing for her absent swain,
All extended, she lay wanting—fal lal, &c,
Him to ease her lovesick pain.
All extended, &c.
In the nick, the swain who won her,
Thro' the. cool retreat drew near,
And with transport gazed upon her — fal
lal, &c,
Charms repos'd in slumber there.
And with transport, &c.
Love persuaded 'twas no sin, to
Yent his frame without delay,
So he boldly entered into—fal lal, &c,
Tales of love and am 'rous play.
Sq he'boldly, &c.
His moving tale as wrought upon her,
That in pity to his pain,
54
She gave broad hints that he should once
more—fal, lal, &c,
Tell it o Jer to her again.
She gave, &c.
ANDBEW AN' HIS OXJTTIB G-UN.
Blythe^ blythe was she,
Blythe was she, but an* ben;
An? weel she looed it in her nieve,
But better when it slippit in.
Blythe, blythe, &c.
"When a' the lave gaed to their bed,
An? I sat up to clean the shoon,
An' wha think ye cam jumpin' in,
But Andrew an7 his cuttie gun.
Blythe, blythe, &c.
Or e'er I wist he laid me back,
An? up my gammon to my chin;
AnJ ne'er a word to me he spak,
But lit tit out his cuttie gun.
Blythe, blythe, &e.
55,
The bawsent bitch she left the whalps,
An? hunted round us ot the fun,
As Andrew fodgel'd wi' his doup,
An? fir'd at me the euttie gun.
Blythe, blythe, &c.
O some delights in euttie stoup,
AnJ some, delights in cuttie-mun,
But my delights an a—elins coup,
Wi' Andrew and his euttie gun,
Blythe, blythe, blythe was she,
Blythe was she but an' ben*
An? weel she loed it in her neive,
An? better when it slippit in.
O OAT YE ME WI' NAETHINCk
TUNE—eTocky Latin.
Gat ye me, 0; gat ye me,
An? gat ye me,
A rock, a reel, a spinning wheel,
A gude black——was naething.
A tocher fine, o'er'mucklc far,
When sic a scullion gat ,it*
Indee<jL, o'er muekle far guclewife,
For that was ay the faut o't.
56
But haud your tongue now, Luckie Lang,
0 haud your tongue an1 jander,
I held the gate till you I met,
Syne I began to wander:
I tint ray whistle an' my sang,
1 tint my peace and pleasure;
But your green grave now, Luckie Lang,
Would airt me to my treasure.
O CAN YE LABOUR LEE, YOUKG MAN,
TUNE—Sir Arch. Grant 's Strathspey.
0 can ye labor lee, young man?
O can ye labour lee?
Gae back the road ye cam again,
Ye never shall scorn me.
1 fee'd a man at Martinmas,
Wi? arle pennies three;
But a? the faut I had to him,
He couldna labour lee.
An* can ye„ &c.
A stibble rig is easy ploughed,
An' fallow land is free;
57
But whot a silly coof is he,
That eanna labour lee.
An; can ye, &c.
The spretty bush, an' benty knowe,
The ploughman points his sock in?
He sheds the roughness, lays it bye,
And bauldly ploughs his yoking
O can ye, &e.
ovn johist brak yestreen.
TUNE-—Gramaekree.
Twa neeber wives sat i' the sun,
A twynin' at their rocks,
An7 they an argument began,
An' a' the plea was ----------.
'Twas, wether they were sinners Strang?
Or wether they were bane?
An' how they row'd about their thumb,
An' how they stan't them lane?
First, Eachie- gae her rock a rug,
An' syne she elaw'd her tail;
"When our Tarn draws on his breeks,
"It waigies like a flail."
58
Says Bess, "They're bane, I will maintain,
aAn' proof in hand I'll gie;
"For our Jock's it brak yestreen,
"An7 I fand it on my thie."
GIE THE LASS HER FAIRIN'.
TUNE—Cawld Kail in Aberdeen.
O gie the lass her fairing
O gie the lass her fairing
An' something else she'll gie to you.
That's waly worth the wearin';
Byiie coup her o'er amang the creels,
When he hae taen your brandy,
The mair she bangs the less she squeals,
An' hey for houghmagundie.
Then gie the lass her fairin', lad,
0 gie the lass her fairin',
An' she'll gie him a hairy thing,
An' of it be na sparing
But coup her o'er amang the creels,
An' bar the door wi' baith your heels,
The mair she gets the less she squeals;
An' hey for houghmagundie.
59
TB.B COOPED O' OUDDY.
TUNE—Bab at the Bowster.
We'll hide the cooper behind the door7
Behind the door, behind the door,
We'll hide the cooper behind the door,
IPor fear o' the gudeman, O.
The cooper, o' cuddy cam here awa,
He ca'd the girls out o' os a';
An' our gudewife has gotten a fa',
That angered the silly gudemaii, 0.
We'll hide, &c.
He sought them out, he sought them in,
Wi' diel hae her, an' diel hae him;
But the bodie he was so doited an' b.Un'
He wist na whar he was gaun, 0.
We'll hide, &c.
They cooper'd at e'en, they coopered at morn,
Till our gudeman had gotten the scorn;
jOn ilka brow she's planted a horn,
An' swears that there they"shall stan\
We'll hide, &c.
6o
THEBE GAME A CADaEB.
TUNE—(31aut the Cauldron.
There came a cadger out o7 Fife,
I wat na haw they ca?d hiin;
He played a trick to our gude wife,
When fient a body bad him.
Fal lal, &c.
He took a lang thing, stout and Strang,
An' strak it in her gavel;
An; aye she swore she fand the thing,
Gae borin? by her navel.
Fal lal, &c.
DEAB VAEIETY.
Let the philosophic wise,
Preach up rules the gay despise;
Let the hoary-bearded sage,
Censure follies of the age;
Yet while brisk the vital tide,
Pleasure, thou shalt be my guide;
Live, oh goddess, live with me,
All in dear variety.
6i
Dwell you, love, within my breast,
Just enough to make me blest;
Let mj sweet incessant spring,
But protect me from the sting!
Be the passion uneonfln'd,
Under no restraint the mind;
But like birds, as fond and free,
Pleased with dear variety.
Keep, oh, Plutus, all they wealth,
G-ive me competence and health;
Care surrounds the miser ;s hoard,
Pain attends the spendthrift's board;
Bacchus, in thy rosy bowl,
Let me slake my thirsty soul;
But let reason wait on thee,
Keason prompts variety.
Life on wings of joy shall haste?
Gloomy thoughts the minutes waste;
We should banish care and fear,
Eate predestines all things here;
Hail to friendship, beauty, wine,
These make transient life divine!
May they ever live with me,
All in dear variety.
62
THE FEMALE POROUPINJS.
TUNE—Vauderville to the Padlock.
PufFd up with pride (that's sure to fall);
A simple maid late made a pray'r
To mighty Jove; that at her call
He'd condescend (with courteous care)
To make her haughty as his wife,
And proudest of her sex to be;7'
For yet I have not in my life
Seen one man good enough for me.
A strong built youth on self same floor,
O'erhearing what the damsel said,
Strait rose and op'd the chamber door
And thus addressed the pretty maid—
"Thou form divine, I'm come from Jove,
And you shall soon a peacock be ;"
"O then/' says she, "sweet G-od of Love,
Pray show me how the thing can be,"
Quoth he, "I must thus on your bed,
liaise up your smock so white and clear/1'
"What are you doing, sir?" she said,
"But putting in a quill, my dear:
I'm rilling up your tail, my love,
An4 thus— ,and thus—, I must begin,
63
To do the work of mighty Jove,
I'm sticking the first feather in.'1
A while they lay with swimming eyes,
Oft he repeated kisses keen,
"With lifted looks and heaving signs,
She said—"What does such kissing mean?"
"My sweet/' says he, "to make your bill."
"Pish! sir" says she, "that won't prevail;
Give me again your juicy quill,
And stick more feathers in my tail."
"I own you've done your work complete,
And Jove has granted me my will,
Your feathers are both strong and neat,
But let each feather have a quill.
A quill each hour of that same size,
An' strongly stuff'd in this same part,
"Will make my plumes of feathers rise,
And win my fortune and my heart."
He cries, "Jove whispers me,
Obey the lovely-lady's will,
And in your work I will take care
That ev'ry feather has a quill."
Says she, "My dear, then ere we part,
O stick them thick, I'll ne'er repine,
H
I'll bear the smart with all my heart,
Till I become a porcupine.''
LAHGOIiEE.
Ye botanists yield, I've discovered a root,
Adapted to females of ev'ry degree;
How sovereign its virtues, balsamic its fruit;
I hope you'll believe when you hear it from me.
Langolee is the Irish name of it;
Great is this nation already the fame of it;
Make but one trial and quickly you'll see,
There's nothing comparing to Langolee.
When winter's keen blasts are corrected by spring,
The lads and lassies of every town,
Dance 'round at the Maypole, for Maypole ?s the thing,
Expressive of Lango's high fame and renown.
Langolee, wonderful medicine,
Sensitive plant and beggar's best benison;
How happy the island productive of thee
Thou root of all roots, thou Langolee.
Ye matrons afflicted with colic or wind,
Hysterics, or what you may call it, from me.
Bestorative Lango, a medicine you will find,
'Twill enliven your spirits most wondrously.
65
Langolee, sweet is the juice of it;
Gently compress it, and gently make use of it.
In city or country, wherever it be,
The. sweets are the same of the Langolee,
Ye girls of the cities, with nervous disorders,
If from declensions you'd wish to be free,
Ye dear little gentles pray take what I order,
The Hibernian colt's foot call'd Langolee.
Langolee to prevent imposition,
You'll get it from none but the Irish physician;
Made up in triangular pills for admission;
The pectoral nostrum of Langolee.
BABBY'S WEY TO UNA'S LOOK.
'Twas in a sweet May morning,
When violets were springing, O!
The dew the meads adorning;
The larks melodious singing, O!
The rosetrees, hy each breeze,
Were gently wafted up and down;
And the primrose, that then blows,
I espangled nature's verdant gown.
66
The purling rill, the murmuring stream,
Stole gently thro? the lofty grove;
Such was the time, v/hen Darby
Stole put to meet his barefoot lore.
Tel, lol, &c.
Sweet Una was the tightest,
Genteelest of the village dames ;
Her eyes they were the brightest
That e ?er set youthful heart in flames.
Her lover, to move her?
By every art in vain essayed;
In ditty, for pitty,
This lovely maid he often prayed;
But she, perverse, his suit denied,
Sly Darby being enraged at this,
Eesolved, when they next met, to seize
The lock that scatters Una's p-ss.
Tol, lol, &c.
Beneath a lofty old oak
She sat, with cow and milking pail;
From lily hands, at each stroke
In flowing streams the milk doth steal,
With peeping and creeping,
Sly Darby now comes on a pace,
In raptures, the youth sees?
The blooming beauty of her fact;
07
Fir'd with her charms, he now resolves
No longer to delay his bliss,
But instantly to catch the lock
That scatters pretty Una's p-ss.
Tol, lol, &&e.
Within his arms he seiz'd her,
And pressed her to his panting breast;
What more could have appeased her,
But oaths which Darby meant in jest;
He swore he'd adore her,
And to her ever constant prove;
He'd wed her, he'd bed her,
And none on earth but her he'd love*
With vows like these he won her o'er,
And hop 'd she 'd take it not amiss,
If he'd presume to catch the lock
That scatters pretty Una's p-ss.
Tol, lol, &c.
Upon her back he laid her,
Turh'd up her smock, so lily white;
With joy the youth surveyed her,
Then gaz'd' with wonder and delight.
Her thighs were as snow fair,
And just between appeared a crack;
The lips were red, and overspread
With curly hairs of jetty black.
6$
Transported, Darby now beholds
The sum of all his promised bliss,
And instantly he catch'd the.lock
That scatters pretty Una's p-ss.
Tol, lol, &e.
jjjg ---------- stood erected,
His breeches down about his heels;
And what he long expected,
He now with boundless rapture feels.
The beauteous maid lay in a trance;
His ------ goes like elbows
Now entered, now concenter M,
Of fiddlers in a country dance.
The melting Una, now she cries,
I'd part with life for joys like this;
With show'rs of bliss they jointly oiPd
The lock that scatters Una's p-ss.
Tol, lol, &c.
LTJXiXiABY.
Nancy, on the sofa lying,
Caught hj chance, my raptured eye,
'Twixt her lily thighs, I gently,
Sighing, plac'd my lullaby.
Lullaby, lullaby, lullaby, lullaby,
Sighing, plac'd my lullaby.
69
Quickly waking to the motion,
Thus the lovely maid did cry,
J<WomanJs fears, they're all a notion,
"Now I'm soothed with lullaby.
Lullaby, &c.
Seven times, in transporting blisses,
Each did with the other vie;
Still her hand, fresh vigour courting;
Asked again for lullaby.
Lullaby, &c.
Tell, me, dearest youth, if heaven,
Be like this, then let me die;
Every night repeat the seven,
Kill me with your lullaby.
Lullaby, &c.
THE CRICKET AND CRAB-LOUSE.
TUNE—Perry, Down, Down.
A^ a crab-louse and flea went a hunting together,
They took shade in a rose from the heat of the weather;
TJhls rose being fairer by far than the rest,
Was. pluck'd by a lady and stuck in her breast.
70
These hunters,.perceiving a fair, open track,
;Twixt two hills white as snow, took the road to her
back;
Then descending all day, reached the valley by night,
Oh ho! says the ilea, here's an inn, IIP alight.
And I, says the crab-louse, will pass through this gap,
And, without the expense of an inn, take mj nap;
I see a small hovel, and at it.I'll stay,
So onward he jogged, to go sleep in the hay.
Thus possessed of the settlements, back and frontier,
They hoped from encroachments to keep themselves
clear;
But both climate and foe had combined to annoy,
Nor would grant them a day their domains to enjoy.
For scarce had the flea taken one sip at his claret
When the tenement shook from cellar to garret;
Then a strange rumbling noise thro' the passage did
roar7 ■
Which drove this poor tippler behind the street door.-
A sultry salt shower succeeded this storm,
Which drove him all drenched, like a hare from its
form,
Thro 7 the smoking wet grass he was glad for to run,
And swore, while he liv'd, that damned inn he would
shun.
In the morning he meets with the crab-louse, his £riend?
And relates his adventure, and soon makes an end;
7*
Now, with me, says the crab, still worse fortune took
place;
When I tell you my sufferings you'll pity my case.
In the midst of my hay I discover ?d a cave,
As deep as a coal-pit, as dark as a grave;
With black thorns, and brambles all growing about;
So I feared to go in, lest I should not get out.
Soon a giant approached me, a Cyclops, Iween,
For only one eye in his forehead was seen,
Who drove me from brier to bramble, full sore;
Then entering himself, thrust me in before.
Tho; wide was the cave, he could hardly get in,
So in forcing the passage, he rubbed off the skin;
Then he strained and he swell'd, and still bigger h#
grew,
Till forth from his forehead his brains at me flew.
Now, the fray at an end, like a half-drowned mole,
I crept up to the top, to peep out of my hole;
And there I perceived all at once with surprise,
This giant was sunk to a pigmean size.
Bo I slily slipt by, overjoy ?d to escape,
For I dreaded him still, tho* so alter M in shape;
72
And here I am come in the pickle you see,
And the devil himself may go lodge there for me.
Tho; if I might advise it, these borders he'll shun,
Where he '11 meet with a giant, as sure as a gun,
Who valuing our blades, nor of bullets, a------
Like the Romans, attacks with a huge battering-rasou
For just as I passed him, I saw at his back,
Two large ponderous paving-stones tied in a saek|
A^ ay, cried the flea, that same sack did I see?
For of ttimes with great vengeance he bang '& it at met,
But I managed so well that I kept out of reach.
Of this terrible engine that batters in breach;
And now that these perils are over our headsy
I hope that we may peaceably die in our beds,
SWEET SALLY.
My Sally is the blythest maid,
Breath spicy, lips like rubies,
Youth in its wanton orbit plays,
Snow hillocks are her bubbles;
73
Flush 'd with grape, the nymph I spied,
My blood ran hurry scurry;
I breath'd my wishes; she replied,
Don't be in such a hurry.
Her balmy breath I sweetly sipt,
She vow'd she'd guard her honor,
Till, struggling, on the carpet slipt,
And I, alas! upon her;
In such a case what could I do ?.
My senses in a flurry;
Bhe cried as up her garments flew,
Don't be in such a hurry.
She urg 'd me on, and 'twixt her lips,
My busy tongue kept plying,
In playful motion went her hips,
Till breathless, fainting, dying,
In such a state entranced we lay,
Our senses in a flurry,
I rose, she cried, nay, pray thee stay,
Don't be in such a hurry.
Obeying, I again her prest,
With sweet disorder panting;
And three times—you may guess the rest;
I found no vigor wanting:
74
Dropping at last, she seized life's plant,
Swore she the charge would carry;
So soon, cried I—it rest doth want,
Don't be in such a hurry.
Quite spent, no longer fit to strive,
Says she, if you're not able
To mount yourself, then let me drive
Your nag into the stable:
With that she fierce began to ride
Like mad, all hurry, skurry—
Quite spent at last, she faintly cried,
Don't be in such a hurry.
the !>&&? nine.
For London when with fav'ring gale,
An Irish lad up channel steer ?d,
Safe landed in the Chester mail,
In London streets he soon appear'd,
The enamour'd fair ones round him clung,
And o'er his well-built shoulders hung,
For his deep nine.
jffis deep nine gained him such renown,
No rest had he by night or day,
By sounding half the girls in town,
Two inches soon were worn away.
75
Yet still the fair ones round him clung,
And o?er his much shrunk shoulders hung,
For his mark seven.
At length, worn out with constant use,
Regardless they beheld the youth,
Who lately gave such matchless proofs
Of length, and strength, and manly worth;
No more the fair ones round him clung,
His once fam'd deep nine lifeless hung,
Quarter less five.
THE I^ANG- DOW.
Maggie lives at yon ha'head,
Andrew wons in yon?er glen;
Quoth Andrew to Maggie, will ye gae
An? east your claes wi' mine—
Wi; my lang dow, my lang dow,
My lang tethery lang dow.
Na, na, quoth Maggie,
Siccan a thing maun never be
76
Till ye gang to yon ha' house,
And spier my dad's guidwill o' me
Wi' your lang dow, &e.
Andrew's awa to yon ha house,
An' vows he tirles at the pin,
Wha's sae ready as wise Maggie
To ask Andrew in—
Wi' his lang dow, &c.
Arms an' arms they meet thegither,
Arms an' arms they laid them down?
Under Mag's doup lay Andrew's trouse,
An' under her head lay her nain gown—-
Wi' his lang daw, &c.
The bridal day was fix'd upon,
Mess John was sent to tie the knot;
The friends got up a winsome feast,
An' Mag an' Andrew lay down o' the spat—
Wi' his lang dow, &e.
Up gat the guidwif e in a great fright^
An' at her man gae many a pou,
I '11 rin the hazard o' my life,
That Mag and Andrew 's yocket now—
Wi' his lang dow, &e.
77
What's the matter? quoth the guidman.
Mayna the lad kiss the lass?
First when I took thee by the hand',
Thou hadna a rag to cover thy a-se—
But my lang daw, &c.
The neeburs were a' assembled the neist day,
Ae; ast her how she liket the dow.
She thank ?t them kindly for their pains,
But said she ?d kent it long ere now—
His lang dow, &c.
THE COURTSHIPS.
A beautiul lady in fair London town,
Was woo 'd by a Frenchman, a Teague and a Clown,
And others who would fain become bone of her bone,
Whose courtships I now will relate one by one.
With my f al cle ral, &e.
The first who appeared was a man of the mode,
A Frenchman by birth, Spitalfields his abode,
He addressed the fair creature with taste a la mode;
And thus he said:
"Ah! mademoiselle; your eyes shinna like two burning
Grlass in de sun, dat van peep rom dem settas.
73
My whole soul in a fire! Begar you be de ver pret
Tench dat e'r I saw in my life—vi, if you would have
Me, I will just die immediatelee.''
With my fal de ral, &c.
The next who appeared was a Yorkshire Clown,
To court this fair lady, he gallop'd the town;
He, made her a long bow, and set himself down;
And thus he said:
"Odds bodkins, I ne'er saw sic a fair lady as you be,
With cheeks like any ehurries, and then your bubbles
Are like any good fat piece of bacon—if yause ha I
Ise ha you, and we'se make na meare bians of the mat-
ter."
With my fal de ral, &e.
The next was an Irishman, from Dublin came o 'er,
And proud that he'd set foot on British shore;
Tho' cursedly proud, he was wretchedly poor;
And thus he said:
*' Arrah, my dear honey, had I you in dear Dublin
City, I 'd sware you were the loveliest girl in all
London town, so I would, except my lord lieutenant f&
Wife, and two or three thousand more of their*.;
And arrah, my dear honey, when you marry me I'll
make
Ycu a present of a diamond ring, why, as big as am
ordinary
Murphy, faith, and so I will, and I won't deceive you
at all,
79
At all, and by the holy poker of Dublin, and all the
saints,
Of her own country, I'll make you so a happy a crea-
ture,
As no man alive, so I will; and every night I'll try
To plaze you with a little of my------''
Fal de ral, &c.
The next who appeared was a swaggering blade,
Who, as we may say, was a soldier by trade;
He address 'cl this air creature with words very big,
And thus he said:
"Why, madam, you are as lovely as Venus, and I a
Strong built fellow, every way fitted to be your
Mars, as brave and as valient as ever Caesar and
Alexander were; but blood and wounds, shall I find a
Bival to your charms, I'd stake thousands; and to make
You happy, my love, every night I'd stake you----------
With my f al de ral, &c.
The next was a Quaker, so neat and so trim,
With a primitive face and a very broad brim;
He address'd this fair lady, without, moving a limb,
And thus he said:
'' Sarah, yea verily, thou art a maiden whom mine heart
Desirest, and thou has found favour in my sight—
Ah I fair lump of clay, quit the ways of the vain,
And this day Babylon, and untowards me as I
Look untowards thee! what comfort could one
Kiss give to the lip of the faithful! I pray thee
8o
Consent that we may be one in the same flesh; then
thou
Wilt be bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh; and
Thou shalt grow as the vine tree, and spread forth thy
Roots as Lebanon; now, Sarah, I will shuve thee;
I'll shuve thee as the ram shoveth the ewe, and
Make thy body fruitful; now, Sarah, I pray thee lift
Thy right leg, and then thy left leg, and let the prick
Of conscience enter thy virtuous body—"
With my fal de ral, &e.
The last who appear ?d was a jolly Jack Tar,
Who, with Admiral Duncan, was enrich?d by the war;
He thought with himself was none on a par,
And thus he said:
"Why, you must know, my little hearty, that I've been
on
The lookout after you for sometime past—smite my
crooked
Timbers if I han't, and am strongly inclined to capsize
you
And take you in tow; for demme now, by the cut of
your
Jib and breastwork, if you an't one of the tightest
rigg'd
Little frigates ever sailed; but to make no more palaver
About the matter, I am a tight young fellow, fit to
overhaul
All your tackling, who can hand, reef or put the two
ends of
A rope together with any man alive, so I can, and
demme
8i
My dear, if you can be better moor'd; suppose now, for
Instance, you were gunnel-deep in a good feather bed,
and I
Alongside of you, mark you that; I would immediately
give
Signal for chase, throw my grappling irons aboard,
Lash my main-yard to your larboard quarter; and if
I could not find your gang-way, then dem poor Jack.'J
And his fal de ral, &e.
MY THING IS MY OWN.
I, a tender young maid, have been courted by many,
Of all sorts of trades as ever was any;
A spruce haberdasher first spake me fair,
But X should have nothing to do with small ware.
My thing is my own and I'll keep it so still,
Yet other young lasses may do what they will.
A sweet-scented courtier did give me a kiss,
And he promised me mountains if I would be his;
But I'll not believe him, for it is too true,
Some courtiers do promise much more than they do.
My thing is my own, &c. '
A fine man of law did come out of the Strand,
To plead his own cause, with his fee in his hand;
He made a brave motion, but that would not do,/
For I did dismiss him, and non-suit him too.
My thing is my own, &c.
82
Next came a young fellow, a notable spark,
(With green bag and ink-horn, a justice's clerk,)
He pull M-out his warrant, to make all appear,
But I sent him away with a flea in his ear.
My thing is my own, &c.
A master of music came with an intent,
To giVe me a lesson on my instrument;
I thank'd him for nothing and bid him begone,
Eor my little fiddle should not be played on,
My thing is my own, &e,
An usurer came with abundance of cash,
But I had no mind to come under his lash;
He proffer Jd me jewels and great store of gold,
But I wouldn't mortgage my little freehold.
My thing is my own, &c.
A blunt lieutenant next surprised my packet,
And fiercely began to rifle and sack it;
I mastered my spirits up, and became bold,
And fore'd my lieutenant to guard his strong hold.
My thing is my own, &c.
A crafty young bumpkin that was very rich,
And us M with his bargains to go thro' each stitch,
Bid tender a sum but I would not avail,
That I could admit him tenant in tail.
My thing is my own, &c.
83
A fine dapper tailor, with yard in his hand,
Did profiler his service to me at command;
He talked of a slit I had above the knee,
But I'll have no tailors to stitch it for me.
My thing is my own, &c.
A gentleman that did talk much of his grounds,
His horses, his setter-dogs, and his grayhounds,
Put in for a course and used all his art;
But he miss 'd of the sport—f or puss would not start.
My thing is my own, &c.
A pretty young squire new come to the town,
To empty his pockets, and so to go down,
His proffer a kindness, but I would have none,
The same that he us'd to his mother's maid Joan.
My thing is my own, &c.
~Now here I could reckon a hundred or more,
Besides all the gamesters recited before;
That made their addresses in hopes of a sna£>,
But young as I was, I understood trap.
My thing is my own, and I'll keep it so still,
Until I be married, say men what you will.
84
THE FAIR PENITENT.
A lovely lass to a friar came,
To confess in the morning early;
In what art thou, my dear to blame?
Come, own it all sincerely.
I've done, sir, what I dare not name,
With a lad that loves me dearly.
The greatest fault in myself I know
Is what I now discover;
Then you to Rome for that must go,
Their discipline to suffer.
Lack-a-day, sir, if it must be so,
Pray with me send my lover.
No, no, my dear, you do but dream,
We'll have no double dealing;
But if with me you '11 repeat the same,
I'll pardon your past failing.
I must own, sir, though I blush for shame,
That your penance is prevailing.
85
FANNY.
When Fanny, blooming fair,
First caught my ravished sight;
Struck with her shape and air,
I felt a strange delight;
Whilst eagerly I gaz'd,
Admiring every part,
And every female praised,
She stole into my heart.
In her bewitching eyes,
Ten thousand loves appear;
There Cupid basking lies,
His shafts are bearded there;
Her blooming cheeks are dyed,
With colour all their own,
Excelling far the pride
Of roses newly blown.
Her well-turn ;d limbs confess
The lucky hand of love;
Her features all express
The beauteous Queen of Love;
What flames my nerves invade,
When I behold the breast
Of that too. charming maid,
Eise, suing to be pressed.
86
Venus round Fanny's waist,
Has her own cestus, bound,
With guardian Cupids graced,
"Who dance the circle round.
How happy must he be,
Who shall her zone unloose,-
That bliss to all but me,
May heaven and she refuse.
CHLOE.
Whenever, Chloe, I begin
Your heart, like mine, to move,
You tell me of the crying sin,
Of unchaste, lawless love.
How can that passion, be a sin
Which gave to Chloe birth?
How can those joys but be divine,
Which.-make a heaven on earth?
To wed, mankind the priests rebann'd,
By some sly fallacy,
And disobey M God's great command,
"Increase and multiply."
You saj that love's a crime—content;
Yet this allow you must,
More joy's in heaven if one repent,
Than over nine and ninety just.
Since then, dear girl, for heaven's sake
Repent and be forgiv'n;
Bless me, and my repentance make
A holy-day in heav'n,
KISSING.
Ye-delicate lovelies, with leave I maintain,
That happiness here you may find;
To yourselves I appeal for felicity's reign,
When you meet with a man to your mind.
When gratitude friendship to softness unites
Inexpressive endearments arise;
Then hopes, fears and fancies, strange doubts and de-
lights
Are announe'd by those, tell tales, the eyes.
Those technical terms in the science of love,
Cold schoolmen attempt to describe,
88
But how should they paint what they never can prove;
For tenderness knows not their tribe.
Of all the abuse on enjoyment that's thrown,
The treatment love takes most amiss,
Is the rant of the coxcomb, the sot and the clown,
Who j)retend to indulge in a kiss.
The love of a fribble at self only aims:
For sots and clowns-—class them with beasts;
No fibre, no atom, have they in their frames,
To relish such delicate feasts.
In circling embraces, when lips to lips move,
Description, O! teach me to praise,
The overture kiss to the'op'as of love—
But beauty would laugh at the phrase.
Love's preludes are kisses, and after the play,
They fill up the pause of. delight;
The rich repetitions which never decay,
The lip's silent language at night.
The raptures of kissing we only can taste,
When sympathies equal inspire;
And while to enjoyment unbounded we haste,
Their breath blows the coals of desire.
89
Again, and again, and again beauty sips;
"What feelings these pressures excite!
When fleeting- life ?s stopp Jd by a kiss of the lips,
Then sinks in a sigh of delight.
LET HIM, FOHD OF FIBBIHG.
Let him, fond of fibbing, invoke what he?ll chuse,
Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, or Madam the Muse:
Great names in classical kingdom of letters;
But poets are apt to make free with their betters.
I scorn to say aught, save the thing that is true,
No beauties I'll plunder, yet give mine her due:
She has charms upon charms, such as few people may
view,
She has charms—for the toothache,—eke for the ague.
Ilex lips—she has two, and her teeth they are white,
And what she puts into her mouth she can bite;
Black and all black her eyes; but?s what worth remark,
They are shut when she sleeps, and she's blind in the
dark.
9°
Her ears from her cheeks equal distance are bearing,
'Cause each side her head should go partners in hear-
ing;
The fall of her neck's the downfall of beholders,
Love tumbles them in by the head and the shoulders.
Her waist is so-so, so waste no words about it;
Her heart is within it, her stays are without it;
Her breasts are so pair'd—two such breasts when you.
see,
You'll swear that no woman, yet born,, e'er had three.
Her voice neither nightingales, no, nor, canaries,
Nor all the winged warblers' wild whistling vagarie*.;
Nor shall I to instrument music compare it,
'Tis likely, if you was not deaf, you might hear it.
Her legs are proportion'd to bear what they've carried^
And equally pair'd as if happily married;
But wedlock will sometimes the best friends divide,
By her spouse so she's served, when he throws them
aside.
Not too tall, nor too short, but I'll venture to say,
She's a very good size^—in a middling way;
She's—aye, that she is,—she is all—but I'm wrong,
Her all I can't say, for I've sung all my song,
91
THE UNION OF BEAUTY AND WINE.
One day at her toilet, as Venus began
To prepare for her face-making duty,
Bacchus stood at her elbow, and swore that her plan
Would not help it, but hinder her beauty,
A bottle young Semale held up to view,
And begg'd she?d observe his directions—
This Bungundy, dear Cytherea, will do,
?Tis a rogue that refines all complexions,
Too polite to refuse him, the bumper she sipps,
On his knees, the buck begg'd she'd encore;
The joy-giving goddess, with wine-moistened lips,
Declared she would hob-nob once more.
Out of window each wash, paste and powder she hurlM,
And the god of the grape vow'd to join;
Shook hands, sign'd and seal;d, then bid fame tell the
world,
The union of beauty and wine.
92
CHASTITY,
TUNE—Good People, I'll Tell You no Rodomontade.
I wonder, quoth dame, as her spouse she embraces,
How strumpets can look, how they dare show their
faces?
And those wicked wives, who from husband's arms fly,
Jbord, where do they think they must go when they die!
But next day, by husband, with- 'prentice boy caught,
When she from the bed was to toilet-glass brought,
Her head he held up, with his gentle rebuke—
My dear! you was wishing to know how whores look I
Turn your eyes to that table, at onee you will see
What faces jades wear; then, my dear, behold me;
Your features confess the adulteress clear,
My visage exhibits how cuckolds appear.
You ask'd, where bad wives go! why really my chick,,
You must, with the rest of them go to old Nick;
If Beelzebub don't such damn'd tenants disown,
For bad wives, he knows, make a hell of their own,
All the world would wed, if the clergy could show,
Any rule in the service to change i for o;
How happy the union of marriage would prove,
Not long as we liv'd join'd, but long as we love!
93
At his feet she sunk down, sorrow lent her such moans,
The resentment was gagg'd by her tears and her tones;
What could Hubby do then? what could then Hubby
do?
But sympathy struck, as she cry'd, he cry'd to.
Oh! Corregiol could I Sigismunda design,
Or exhibit a Magdalen, Guido like thine,
I would paint the fond look which the penitent stole,
That pierc'd her soft partner, and sunk to his soul.
Transported to doating! he raised the distressed,
And tenderly held her long time to his breast!
On the bed gently laid her, by her gently laid,
And the breach there was closed the same way it was
made.
94
FOR A' THAT AST A' THAT.
The bonniest lass that ye meet niest,
Gie her a kiss, an' a' that,
In spite of ilka parish priest,
Repenting stool, an* a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
Their mim-mou'd sangs, an' a' that,
In time and place convenient,
They'll do themselves, for a' that.
Your patriarchs, in days of yore,
Had their handmaids, an' a' that;
O' bastard gets, some had a score,
An' some had mair than a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
Your langsyne saunts, an' a' that,
Would fonder o' a bonny lass,
Than yon or I, for aJ that.
King Davie", when he waxed auld,
An' blnid ran thin, an' a' that,
An' faud his c------s were growin' cauld,
Could not refrain, for a' that,
For a' that, an' a' that,
To keep him warm, an' a' that,
The daughters o' Jerusalem,
Were wil'd for him, an' a' that.
95
Wha wadna pity thae sweet dames,
He fumbled at, an* a' that,
An' rais'd their bluid up into flames,
He couldna drown, an7 a' that.
For a' that, an7 a' that,
He wanted pith, an' a 'thatj
For, as to what we should not name,
What could he do—but claw that. -
King Solomon, prince o' divines,
Wha proverbs made, an' a' that,
Baith mistresses and concubines,
In hundreds had, for a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
Tho' preacher wise, an' a' that,
The smuttiest sang that e'er was sung,
His sang o' sangs is a' that.
Then still I swear a clever ehiel
Should kiss a lass, an' a' that,
Tho* priests consign him to the diel,
As reprobate, an' a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
Their canting stuff, an' a' that,
They ken no mair wha's reprobate,
Than you or I, for a' that.
KEYHOLE.
John Thomson keekit in at the key-hole,
An' he keekit wi' the tail o' his e'e;
He saw the minister m----------g the fiddler's wife,
An' a guid lang bow drew he.
An' ahee, an' ahee, ahee, quo7 he,
If this is nae the very vagabond,
That on the stool set me.
BARM.
I'll trip upon my trenchers, I'll dance upon dishes-
My mother sent me for barm, for barm;
And thro' the kirk-yard I met wi' the laird,
The silly yuir body could do me nae harm.
But down i' the park, I met wi' the dark,
And he gaed me my barm, my barm.
97
LET ME IN THIS AE NIGHT.
0 lassie art thou sleeping yet;
Or are you waking I wad wit:
For love has bound me hand and fit,
And I would fain be in, Jo.
O let me in this.ae night, this ae, ae, ae night,
O let me in this ae night, and 111 ne ?er come back
again, Joe.
The morn is in the term clay,
1 maun away, I eanna stay;
0 pity me before I gae,
And rise and let me in, Jo^
0 let me in, &c.
The night it is baith cauld ,and weet,
The morn it will be snaw and sleet,
My shoon are frozen to my feet,
¥/i; standing on the plain, Jo.
0 let me in, &e.
1 am the laird o7 windy-wa's,
I came na here without a cause,
And I had gotten many fa's,
Upon a naked wame, Jo.
O let me in, &c.
98
My father's wanking on the street,
My mither the chamber keys does keep;
My chamber does chirp and cheep,
And I darena let you in, Jo.
O gae your ways this ae night, this ae, ae, ae night,
O gae your ways this ae night, for I darena let ye in?
Jo.
But I'll come stealing softly in,
And cannily make little din;
And then the gate to you I'll find,
If you'l but direct me in, Jo.
O let me in, &c.
Cast off the shoon frae afi your feet,
Cast back the door up to the weet,
Syne into my bed you may creep,
And do the thing you ken, Jo.
O weePs me on this ae night, this ae, ae, ae night,
O weePs me on this ae night, that e'er I let you in,''Jo.
She let me in sae cannily,
She let me in sae privily,
She let me in sae cannily,
To do the thing you ken, Jo.
O weePs me, &c.
99
But e'er a' was done, and a' was said
Out fell the bottom of the bed,
The lassie lost her maidenhead,
And her mither heard the din, Jo.
O the devil take this ae night, this ae, ae, ae night,
O the devil take this ae night, that e'er I let you in,
Jo.
VENUS AND LOVE.
Ye sons of Anaereon, assist me to sing
Of the fountain of Venus, the rivulet Spring.
JTis the mystical mirror, tho' hidden from sight,
Can attract even age to the fount of delight;
Fox the soul lost in transport is wafted above,
When you dip in the fountain of Venus and Love.
For, the soul, &e.
It dwells in the valley with moss circled round,
And tho' ever plum'd no bottom e'er found;
And here the wild spendthrift is welcome to range,
If he draws a receipt for mutual exchange;
?Tis a spring of such sweets e'en stoics approve,
When they dip in the fountain of Venus and Love.
'Tis a spring, &c.
The bank of this fountain's a beautiful red,
Its verge is inviting, tho' dang'rous to tread;
IOO
For oft in convulsions it ebbs and it flows,
And never so pleased as when't tells what it knows;
?Tis fierce in the conflict, yet meek as a dove,
If conquered, the fountain of Venus and Love.
?Tis fierce, &c.
The richest of nectar this fountain distils,
That lies at the foot o f the fairest of hills;
And the blossom that's lost in combating the suit
Is often repaid with the choicest of fruit:
But in vain is the task which thousands have strove
To conquer the fountain of Yenus and Love.
But vain, &c.
THE TREE OF LIFE.
Come prick up your ears and attend, sirs, awhile,
I'll sing ye a song that shall make ye to smile;
?Tis a faithful description of the tree of life,
So pleasing to every maid, widow and wife!
Tol de rol, &c.
This tree is a succulent plant, I declare,
Consisting of only one straight stem, I swear;
Its top sometimes looks like a cherry in May,
And other times like a filbert, they say.
Tol de rol, &c.
101
This tree universal most countries produce;
But till eighteen year's growth 'tis not much fit for
use;
Then nine or ten inches—for it seldom grows higher,
And that's sure as much as the heart can desire.
Tol de rol, &c.
But chiefly in Ireland this plant it best thrives,
As well can we prove by their widows and wives f
Its root is so stout and long, I insist on't,
That most of their natives entirely subsist on't.
Tol de rol, fee-
Some late virtuosi, this tree to improve,
Have cut off its fruit, call'd the Apples of Love;
But it.never seeds after, nor is worth a louse,
Unless to make whistles for the opera house.
Tol de rol, &e.
It's juice taken inward's a cure for the spleen,
And removes in an instant the sickness call'd green;
Tho' sometimes it causes large tumors below,
Which disperse of themselves in nine months or so.
Tol de rol, &e.
It cures all dissensions 'twixt husband and wife,
And makes her look pleasant through each stage of
life;
102
By the right application it never can fail,
But then it must always be given in tail.
Tol de rol, &c.
You ladies who long for a sight of this tree,
Take this invitation—come hither to me;
I have it just in the height of perfection,
Adapted for handling and for injection.
Tol de rol, &c.
THE .MARRIAGE MORN.
The marriage morn I can't forget,
My senses teem'd with new delight;
"Time," ery'd I, "haste the coming night,
And Hymen, give me sweet Lisette!"
I whispered softly in her ear,
And said, "the God of JNTight draws near."
O how she looked! 0 how she smil'd 0 how she sigh'd!
She sigh'd—then spent a joyful tear.
Now nuptial night her curtain drew,
And cupid's mandate was, "commence,
With ardour break the virgin's fence!"
Then to the bed sweet Lisette flew—
103
'Twas heaven to view her as she lav
And hear her cry, ' ■ come to me pray!
O how I fell O how I pant! O I shall die!
Shall die before the break of day.''
Soon manhood rose with furious gust,
And Mars, when he lew'd Venus view'd,
Ne'er felt his power so closely screw'd
Up to the standing-post of lust!
But when the stranger to her sight,
Sweet Lisette saw in rampant plight I
O how she scream'd! O how she scream'd 0 how she
scream'd!
She scream'd—then gasp'cl for dear delight.
JSTow lustful nature eager grew,
And longer could no;t wanton toy,
So rushing up the path of joy
Quick from the fount loves liquor few.
At morn she cry'd, "full three times three,
The vivid stream I felt from thee!"
O how I'm eas'd! 0 how I'm pleas'd gods, how I'm
charm 'd!
"I'm charm'd with rapt'rous three times three!"
104
THE END.
Papilio the rich, in the hurry of love,
Resolving to wed, to fair Arabel drove;
He made his proposals, he begg'd she would fix—
What maid could say no to a new coach and six.
We'll suppose they were wed, the guests bid, supper
done,
The fond pair in bed, and the stocking was thrown;
The bride lay expecting to what this would tend,
Since created a wife? wish'd to know for what end*
On the downy peach oft, as the gougy ily rests,
The bridegroom's lips stopp'd, on love's pillows, her
breasts
All amazement, impassive, the heart heaving fair,
With a sigh seem 'd to prompt him, don't stay too long
there*.
Bound her waist, and round such a waist circling Ms
arms,
He raptures rehears'd on her unpossess'd charms;
Says the fair one, and gap'd, I hear all you pretend,,
But now, for I'm sleepy, pray come to an end.
My love ne'er shall end, Squire Shadow replied,
But still, unattempting, lay stretched at her side;
She made feints, as if something she meant to defend?
But found out, at last, it was all to no end.
ios
In disdain,, starting up from the impotent boy,
She, sighing,- pronounced there's an end of my joy
Then resolv 'd this advice to her sex she would send,
Ne'er to wed till they're sure they can wed to some
end.
And what end is this? why the end which prevails,
Plough, ships, birds, fishes, are steer'd by their tails;
And tho' man and wife for the head may contend,
I'm sure they're best pleas5d when they gain t'other
end.
The end of our vfishes, the end of our wives,
The end of our loves, and the end of our lives,
The end of conjunction 'twixt mistress and maid,
Tho' head may design, has its end in the tail.
^Tis time tho' to finish, if aught I intend,
Lest, like, a bad husband, I come to no end;
The ending I mean is, what none will think wrong,
And that is to make now an end to my song.
io6
SOFTLY.
Disguis7d, last night, I rush'd from home,
To seek the palace of my soul;
I reached by silent steps the dome,
And to her chamber softly stole.
On a gay various couch reclined,
In sweet repose I saw the maid;
My breast, like aspens to the wind,
To love's alarums softly played.
Two fingers, then, to half expanse,
I trembling op7d, with fear oppressed,
With these I pulled her veil askance,
Then softly drew her to my breast.
"Who art thou, wretch!77 my angel ery7d;
Whispering, I said "Thy slave, thy swain!
But hush, my love, forbear to chide;
Speak softly, lest some hear the strain.77
Trembling with love, with hope and fear,
At length her ruby lips I press 7d;
Sweet kisses oft—mellifluous—dear—
Softly I snatched—was softly blessed.
10/
" 0 let me,'f now inflam Jd, I said,
"My idol clasp within these arms;"
"Eemove the light," deep sighed the maid-
"Come softly, come—prevent alarms."
Now by her side with bliss I glow?d,
Swift flew the night in am'rous play;
At length the morning's herald crow'd,
When softly thence I bent my way,
SHE ROSE AND LOOT ME IN.
The night, her silent sable wore,
And gloomy were the skies;
Of glittering stars appear'd no more,
Than those of Nelly's eyes.
When at her father's gate I knock'd,
Where I had often been,
She, shrouded only in her smock,
Arose and loot me in.
Past IockM within my close embrace,
She trembling stood asham'd;
Her swelling breast, and glowing face,
At ev'ry touch inflam'd.
My eager passion I obeyed,
Resolved the fort to win,
And her fond heart was soon betray 7d,
To yield and let me in.
ioS
Then, then, beyond expressing,
Transporting was the joy!
I knew no greater blessing,
So blest a man was I.
And she, all ravish'd with delight,
Bid me oft come again;
And kindly vow 'd that every night,
She'd rise and let me in.
But ah! at last she proved wi' bairn,
And sighing sat and dull,
And I, who was as much concerned.
Look'd e'en just like a fool.
Her lovely eyes with tears ran o'er,
Eepenting her rash sin;
She sigk'd and curs'd the fatal hour,
That e'er she loot me in.
But who could cruelly deceive,
Or from such beauty parti
I lov'd her so, I could not leave
The charmer of my heart.
But wedd'd, and conceal'd our crime,
Then all was well again,
And now she thanks the happy time,
That e'er she loot me in.
ro9
THE TAILOK,
The tailor came to clout the claise,
Sic a braw fellow!
He fillM.the house a; fou oi fleas,
Baffin down, and dafiin down;
He filled the house aJ fou o? fleas,
Daffin down and dilly.
The lassie slipt ayont the fire,
Sic a braw hissey!
Oh! she was a' his heart's desire,
Dafiin down, and dafiin down;
Oh! she was a' his heart's desire,
Dafiin down and dilly.
The lassie she fell fast asleep,
Sic a braw hissey!
The tailor close to her did creep,
Dafiin down, and dafiin down;
The tailor close to her did creep,
Daffin down and dilly,
The lassie waken'd in a fright,
Sic a braw hissey!
Her maidenhead had ta'en the flight,
Daffin down, and daffin down;
no
Her maidenhead had ta'en flight,
Baffin down and dilly.
She sought it butt, she sought it ben,
Sic a braw hisseyt
And in beneath the elocken-ken,
Baffin down, and daffin down;
And in beneath the clocken-ken,
Baffin down and dilly.
She sought it in the owsen-straw,
Sic a braw hissey!
No faith, quo' she, it's quite awa',
Baffin down, and daffin down;
No faith, quo' she, it's quite awa',
Baffin down and dilly.
She sought it 'yont the knocking stane,
Sic a braw hissey!
Some day, quo' she, 'twill gang its lane,
Baffin down, and daffin down;
Some day, quo' she, 'twill gang its lane,
Baffin down and dilly.
She ca'd the tailor to the court,
Sic a braw hisseyt
Ill
And a7 the young men round about,
Daffin down, and daffin down;
And a' the young men round about,
Daffin down and clilly.
She gart the tailor pay a fine,
Sic a braw hissey!
Gie me my maidenhead again,
Daffin down, and daffin down;
Gie me my maidenhead again,
Daffin down and dilly
O what way wad ye ha't again?
Sic a braw hissey!
Oh! just the way that it was ta'en,
Daffin down, and daffin down;
Oh! just the way that it was ta'en,
Daffin down and dilly
THE MAID GOES TO THE MILL.
The maid's gane to the mill hy night,
He eh hey, sae wanton;
The maid's gane to the mill by night,
Hey sae wanton she;
112
She's sworn by moon and stars sae bright,
That she should hae her corn ground,
That she should hae her corn ground,
Mill and multure free.
Out then came the miller's man;
Hech hey, sae wanton;
Out then came the miller's man,
Hech sae y^anton he;
He sware he ?d do the best he can,
For to get her corn ground,
For to get her corn ground,
Mill and multure free.
He put his hand about her neck,
Hech hey, sae wanton;
He put his hand about her neck,
lley sae Yfanton he; .
He dang her down upon a sack,
And there she got her corn ground,
And there she got her corn ground,
Mill and multure free.
When other maids gaed out to play,
Hech hey, sae wanton;
"When other maids gaed out to play,
Hey sae wantonlie;
**3
She sighed and sobb7d, and wadna stay,
Because she got her corn ground,
Because she got, &c,
Mill and multure free.
When forty weeks were past and gone,
Hech hey, sae wanton;
When forty weeks were past and gone,
Hey sae wantonlie;
The maiden had a braw lad-bairn,
Because she got her corn ground,
Because she got, &c,
Mill and multure free.
Her mither bade her cast it out,
Hech he}7", sae wanton;
Her mither bade her cast it out,
' Hey sae wantonlie;
It was the miller's dusty clout,
For getting of her corn ground,
For getting, &c,
Mill and multure free.
Her father bade her keep it in,
Hech hey, sae wanton;
Her father bade her keep it in,
Hey sae wantonlie;
H4
It was the chief o' a' her kin,
Because she'd got her corn ground
Because she'd got her corn grouiid
Mill and multure free.
THE WARMING- PAN.
The coach arriv'd, impatient all,
For different things begin to call;
But I, who have no trade
But love, for sweeter morsels try;
I search, an' fix an am'rous eye
Upon the chambermaid.
I wait, and catch her as she flies,
From room to room, with eager eyes;
"My dear, permit my aid?"
I seize her, and she cries—a~done;
I kiss her quick, and let her run;
The pretty chambermaid.
The supper comes, and Betty Grove,
'Tis Hebe waiting upon Jove;
The reckoning next is paid;
ii5
Yawning, the passengers retire,
I, burning like the kitchen tire,
For Betty chambermaid.
Kneeling, my bed the beauty warms,
When furious, I attack her charms:
''Get out, you naughty man!"
The port is gained by quick surprise,
I kiss, she kicks, and faintly cries,
"O! move the warming pan!,?
There—there—again—the bed—it burns,
I move—she move—we move by turns,
"What are you at, dear man?"
Hush! there's a noise—the bed, the joy,
Hark! hark! how sweet, my am'rous boy,
Hold there—the' warming pan.
Whene 7er I pass the high north-road,
I knock at Betty's soft abode,
Where happy I am laid;
The neatest in, the softest thatch,
And tell me where a place can match,
My, pretty chambermaid.
J16
KO0EE AND MOLLY.
Beneath a weeping willow's shade,
Melting with love, fair Molly laid,
Her cows were feeding by;
By turns she knit, by turns she sung,
While ever flowed from Molly's tongue,
"How deep in love am I!"
Young Eoger chanc'd to stroll along,
And hearing Molly's am'rous song;
And now and then a sigh;
Straight o 'er the hedge he made his way,
And joined with Molly in her lay;
"How deep in love am I!"
The quick surprise made Molly blush,
"How rude," she cry'd "now pray be hush! '*
Yet show'd a yielding eye;
"My needle's bent, my worsted's broke,
Eoger I only meant in joke,
How deep in love .am I! "
"You're rude—get out—I won't be kiss'd;
Pray don't—yes do—be gone—persist 1
Eoger, I vow I'll cry!
ii7
"What are you at—you roguish swain V
He answered in a dying strain,
"How deep in love am I!"
LYDY CHUEHING.
Brim-full of love fat Lydy sat
Cheeks like a blooming plumb;
Sweating with all a maiden ;s strength,
To make the butter come.
In vain she churn?d; in vain she try'd,
O would our Eoger come!
For nothing ut a Koger's strength,
Can make my butter come.
"Within the pantry Boger skulk 'd,
And heard this amorous hum;
Then fixing fast on Lydy;s churn,
He made her butter come.
n8
Lydy cried out,—Bo—oger—on—
That day may be dumb,
If once I to—when you so soon,
Can make my butter come.
THE BUMPBR.
I can't for my life guess the cause of this fuss,
Why we drink the health of each high titled beldame
What's a queen, or a princess, or duchess to us?
We ne'er have spoke to and seen them but seldom.
Pill a bumper my host, and 111 give you a toast,
We all have conversed with' and every one knows'
Mil it up to the top' and drink ev 'ry drop,
Here's------in a bumper wherever she goes!
Your high-sounding titles that kings can create,
Derive all their lustre and weight from the honor,
But------can despise all the mockery of state,
For she in herself's the true fountain of honor;
She fixes for life, the rank of a wife,
In her does the husband his honor repose;
Her titles are bright, all in her own right,
Here's------in a bumper wherever she goes!
"9
In rags or brocades she equally great,
Her fountain gives rapture to all that bathe in it!
€)n a rush-bottom chair, or a down bed of state,
To bliss we'er transported in less than a minute!
She banishes care, is a foe to despair,
She's the lovliest Lethe to soften o'er woes;
Nothing nature can boast can rivel the toast,
Of------in a bumper wherever she goes!
Your wiseacre critics are puzzling their brains,
How crowns and how coronets first came in fashion;
But one peep at her's would have saved them the pains,
For------wore a coronet since the creation;
A title so old ne'er bartered for gold,
The whole British peerage would vainly oppose;
Then let mother Eve due homage receive;
Here's------in a bumper wherever she goes I
That peers on the trial of peers are to sit,
Is their greatest distinction beyond all denial;
But------tho* untitled by patent or writ,
Can bring, suo jure even kings to the trial;
Condemn'd to wear horns, poor G—ve—t scorns,
The judgement he passes on impotent beaux:
So justly severe may she ever appear,
Here's—in a bumper wherever she goes!
120
That nobles are born the advisers of kings,
Is a maxim established in every free nation;
Then sure a just claim to that title she brings,
Whose rhetoric effected the great reformation;
Tho1 Charles lent his ears to his periwig peers,
Yet------was the counsellor under the rose:
She whispered her mind—the commons grew kind-
Here's------in a bumper whereever she goesl
That nobles are sentenced to die by the axe,
For breach of allegiance—we all must have'read it—
Thus------when the bond of decorum she cracks,
Like a queen or a princess is always beheaded:
The king without fees will execute these,
While none but the hangman will meddle with those!
Then since from the throne such deference is shown,,
Here's------in a bumper wherever she goes!
Your stars and your garters, and ribbons profuse,
And wide coat of arms that a beggar might quarter^
How faint are there splendor, how trifling there use,
Compar'd with the star that shines over the garter!
The star in the front is the emblem of-------
In a lovely field ardent, crown ;d sable, she glows
And two rampant ------as surporters we fix,
Here's------in a bumper wherever she goes!
121
THE BRITISH FAIR.
I sing the British fair ones charms,
A theme renow'd in story;
It well deserves more polish'd lays,
For 'tis our boast and glory.
"When mad-brained Inst excitment spreads,
The air one is desired,
Nor will she shun the sperm of life,
But grant whatever's desired.
Then, oh, protect the British fair,
Be mindful of their merit;
And when that Venus beat to arms,
They'll show their daring spirit.
When Priapus the fair ones fires,
With loves electric potion,
Oh how she pants' oh how she sighs!
Each vigorous nerve's in motion,
Now twisting, twining different ways,
Each am'rous thought she traces;
But oh, for man, for man she sighs,
Substantial man 's embraces!
Then oh, &c.
122
Behold her on a bed or couch,
Her beauteous thighs extended;
Behold Eve 's chasm op ?d to your view,
Ungarded, undefended;
Say Britons' does a sight like this.,
Not- fire and alarm ye?
Oh yes it arms the rampant boy.
With courage to encharm ye.
Then oh, &c.
As thus reelin'd the fair one lies,
A tempting sight before you,
Oh! how to give her soul delight,
Tlie wanton will implore you!
"With joy she sees undaunted------
Nine inches full in measure;
Oh! how her------now ebbs and flows,
To squeeze the darling treasure!
Then oh, &.
The solar dream of life she guides,
Into her gaping center,
And swears 'tis but Anaceon's sons
Have there a right to enter;
I23
For they are worth beauties charms,
Whose pride is to protect them;
Nor from the vale of British----------,
Will beauty e'er reject them.
Then oh, &c.
BLACK JOCK.
Who has e'er been at Holburn, must needs know the Bell
Where Lucy and Katy, two sisters do dwell,
With their black Jocks and bellies so white.
None ever saw Lucy but wished to have kiss'd her,
Yet her charms were eclipsed by those of her sister;
So gay, so genteel, on my life,
That each was fit for an emperor's wife,
When their, &c.
With romping fatigue, and heat of the weather,
One day they lay down on a bed both together,
With their, &c.
They sighed and they talked of I do not know what,
Till a little sound sleep put an end to their chat;
I forgot to premise they were stripped to the smock,
And the treacherous chamber door wanted a lock,
To their black, &c.
124
Young Cupid, who ?s ever alert at his post
Thought the occasion to good to be lost,
Away then he slipped and returned in a trice,
With a cock of the game, and a pearl of great price;
Says he, now you see they're both fast asleep,
Slip gently in and try for a peep,
rAt their black, etc.
In then he slipped and opened the latch,
Besolv'd in a critical moment to catch
Their black, &c.
But oh, as he star?d, when he came to the bed,
In.their faces now blended the white and the red;
Such arms, such bubbies, such legs and such thighs,
But the thing of all things which attracted his eyes,
Was their black, &e.
Young Lucy, he found, lay most opportune,
So he toss ?d up her smock, and quickly got in
To her, &c.
As long as he could he remained in the seat,
And the faster he danced the. sounder she slept,
Till at last he's obliged to beat a retreat
From her black, &c.
125
Next Katy he saw and her------to bespatter,
Fresh vigor he found, he swore he'd have at her
Black Jock, &e.
But in this he had recon'd without any host,
For he could not get in, her legs were so crossed,
He tried every means to make matters fit,
But all was in vain, for he never could hit
Her black, &c.
Enraged at the balk, out his scissors he took,
And out of revenge, he cut off every lock,
From her black, &c.
120
THE LASS THAT MADE THE BED FOE ME.
(Johnson's Museum/ 1796.)
When Januar' wind war blawin' cauld,
As to the north I took my way.
The mirksome night did me enfauld,
I knew not where to lodge till day;
But my good luck a maid I met,
Just in the middle o' my care,
And kindly she did me invite
To walk into her chamber fair.
I bowed fu' low unto this maid,
And thanked her for her courtsie;
I bowed fit' low unto this maid,
An' bade her make a bed to me;
She made the bed baith large and wide,
Wi' twa white hands she spread it doun;
She put the cup to her rosy lips,
And drank—(l Young man, now sleep yd
soun.'?
Chorus:
The bonnie lass made the bed to me,
The braw lass made the bed to me,
I'll ne'er forget till the day I die,
The lass that made the bed for me*
127
She snatch'd the candle in her hand,
And frae my chamber went wi> speed;
But I called her quickly back again,
To lay some mair below my head;
A cod she laid below my head,
And served me with due respect,
And, to salute her wi7 a kiss,
I put my arms about her neck.
'i Haud off your hands, young man!;; she said,
"And dinna sae uncivil be;
Gif ye hae any love for me,
O wrang na my virginitie.''
Her hair was like the links of gowd,
Her teeth were like the ivorie,
Her cheeks like lillies dipt in wine,
The lass that made the bed to me.
Her bosom was the driven snaw,-
Twa drifted heaps sae fair to see;
Her limbs the polished marble stane,
The lass that made the bed to me.
I kiss'd her o'er and o'er again,
And ay she wist na what to say;
I laid her 'tween me and the wa^
The lassie thocht na lang till day.
128
Upon the morrow when we rose,
I thanked her for her eonrtesie;
But aye she blushed and aye she sigh'd,
And said; "Alas, yeVe ruinM me,"
I clasp Jd her waist, and kiss 'd lier—
WMle the tear stood twinkling in her e?e;
I said, "My lassie, dinna cry,
For ye ay shall make the bed for me.Jf
She took her mither's holl.and' sheets,
And made them a* in sarks tome.
Blythe and merry may she be,
The lass that made the bed to me.
Chorus:
The bonny lass made the bed to me,
The braw lass made the bed to me;
I '11 ne ?er forget till the day I die,
The lass that made the bed to me.
