TEE ^nnncAN
Two women sat on a bench in a Londo p Street, One said to the
ether, "Do you know Americans f
"Do I know Americans t" the other re. plied, "why it was just th
other night that me old man says to me 'Go dov.^n and get a bucket of beer"
and as I was leaving the Pub, who does I run i A to but an American. '
"Before I could say Trafalagar Square, 'he grabs me, by the ass'
shoves me under a tree, downs me, ins me, out^! me, wipes his tally-
whacker on me petticoat, drinks me aid man's t^er, pisses in the bucket
and walks off whistling, 'God Save the Sing' - and you asks me do I Know
Americans? "
!
Rejected Poetry in Circulation
A description of the Present Day..
A stronger stood at the gate of Hell,
And the devil himself had answered the bell,
He looked hin over from head to toe,
And siid, "Ky friend, I'd like to know.
A'h-t have you done in the line of sin,
To entitle you to cone within?"
."-on '-".nklin 3., '-ith his 'tsu'tl guile,
Stepped forth and blazed his toothy smile.
"..'hen I took charge in thirty-three,
A nations s-^ith ".-as mine," said he.
"I promised this and I promised that,
And I calmed them down w. th -' fireside chit."
"I spent their money on fishing trips,
And fished from the decks of their battleships."
"I gave them jobs of the P. V/. A.
Then raised their taxes and took it away.
"I raised their wages and closed their shops,
I killed their pigs and burned their crops."
"I double-crossed both old and young,
And still the fools my praises sung."
"I brought back beer and what do yo^ think?
I taxed it so high they couldn't drink."
"I furnished money with government loans,
'.'.'hen they missed their payments I took their homes."
"..lien I wanted to punish the fools, you know,
I put my wife on the r"dio."
"I paid them to let their farms lay still,
And imported food stuff from Brazil."
"1 curtailed crops when I felt real mean,
And shipped in corn from the Argentine."
'..' -m they'd start to worry, stew or fret,
I'd get them chanting the alphabet."
"'..ith the ..... .. -nd tie N.L..;.
The '.V.P.A. and the C.C.C."
"'..ith these many units I got their goats,
And still I crammed it down their throats."
"My workers worded with the speed of snails.
..hile the taxpayers chewed their fingernails."
'".Then the organizers needed dough,
I closed up the plants for the C.I.O."
"I ruined jobs and I ruined health,
hid I put the screws on the rich nan's wealth."
"And some who couldn'& stand the gaff
Aould cill on me and how I would laugh."
"..lien they got to strong on certain things.
I'd pack and head for the old w.m springs."
"I ruined their country, their homes and then,
I place the blame on thenine old men."
Now Ar^nklin talked bothe long and loud,
And the devil stood and his head was bowed.
A, last he s-^id, "Lets *-.ake it clear."
"You'll have to move, you can't stay hear."
"Tor once you mingle with this mob,
I'll have to hunt myself a job."
---------------------------------------$ :;;;.. --'---------
I'M one of the fallows who ia nnklnr the world safe for ^mosr^oy,
I fought and foapht and fourht^-bat I had to go anyway. I was sailed
in class ^. The next tine I waa to be in class 3 (Be hare whan th^y
le^ve and here whan they come back) I remoter wbaa I repi tared, I
went np to a desk and the nan in charge waa oar a&lR man. ^e sail,
'"hat's your name?" I said, "Oh, yoa know my aaae^" H e said,
"What'p goar nana?" I said, "Anfaat Ghilde" He sai'. "4ro yoa lien
I said, *No, I f^ei fiue." Ha aaia, "%here ware yoa bora?" I Said,
"Pittsbarp^. He said, "^haa did yoa see the lip-ht of day?" I said
^hen we moved to Philadelphia." ?e asked me how old I waa.ao I told
him.23 the first of September. H* said, "The first of -?ent -r
Tda'll bo in Cnina and t^^t'll bo -the la-t of 'aaast."
Then I want to canp and I ^raees they didn't think I would live
long,because the first fellow I saw wrote on ay oard, "Flying Corps"
I went a littlefarther and sona fellow said, "Look what the wind ia
blowing in, 'I sail, "V'iad, nothing, the ^faft ia doin^ it.' On the
second lorninp they pat theeeolothos on se. ^hat an outfit. ^s soon
as yoa are in it you think yoa ooald fight anybody* They have two
sizes—to amall and too bi . The pants wereao ti^ht I couldn't sit
down. Ihe shoes ware so btf?, I tamed aroand threatimes and they
didnAt 30va. The raincoat they pave ma—it strained the rain. I
passed an officer all dressed np with a fanny belt and all that ?taff.
He aaid, "Didn't yon notice ay uniform, when yon ? na?" I said,
"*'^1, '" ''.. '3'T ,;0<). ni.c-ri'!-" -hm'!'^" *'^0.!.'' -.'.'-"'t ''-^'J
'^T^ ;l.<"
One morning it was 6 decrees below zero ana theyoallad as oat for
anderwear inspection. Talk about scenery—r^d flannels, BV ', ail
kinds. The anion Bait I hod on would fit Tony Calento. The nontenant
lined as ap and told ia to stand ap. I said, "I am, Str, bat this
anderwanr makes yoathink I am sitting down." He got mad and ha put
out digging ditches* AUttle later he pas 3i ie and said. "Don!*
throw that dirt ap here." I laid "Khera am I goin# to pat it?" He
a aid, "Dig- a othor hole and throw it in there. Three days later we
sailed for ^nstrilla. Marching down the Pier I had theworst luck.
I h-d a Sergeant who stuttered and it took him so loap to say "Halt"
that 27 of as aarched overboard. They palled as oat and lined as
ap on the pier. The Captian came by and ?aid, "Fall In" I gaid, "I
already have -ir.
I waa on the boat for 12 days—aeaaiok for 12 days. Hothinp-
going downaad everything eoitn- up. I leaned over the rail all thi
ti te. In the ddlle of one of the boat leans, the Captain rushed ap
and saia, -hat eoupaay are yoa in?" "I'm all by ayself," I said,
He asked ne if the Brigadier was apyat, I said. If I swallowed it,
Sir, it's up." Talk about duab people.I said to one of the f Hows,
"I gaaaa we dropped anchor." '?e replies, "I knew they'd loose it,
it's bean hanging over ever ainco wo left Hew York. all, ^e landed
and were immediately sent to the trenches. ,er three ni t;, the
ennons started to roar and the shaela started te pop. I was shaking
with Patriotiaa and tried to <J behind oa<? of the trees, bat ther-
weren't enough trees for even the officers. The Captain came around
and aaid, "We ?o over the top at Five o'clock." I said, "Captain,
I'd like a 7nrloaph," Ha aai , "Haven't you any red baood in ^ou^'
I said, "Yea*, Sir, but I don't want to pea it.
Five o'clock we went over the top and 10,000 Japs cane at us. -h?
(over)
way thay looked at -M, you'd t^ink I had started tbia war. Oar Captain
yelled Eire '* -ill. " I did't know anybody by the na^a of ^111.
I yneaa the fallow bshind me thoapht 3***8 ?ill 'caase ha fir^
ahot me ia the excitement.
Off! ,. - t:. '! !'-_rector
To Members of the Armed For
Belov^ is a half-sheet of irs^ , i. i ..' *ii:,7 hew favilies can get
messages to you quithly /. ': L3 suggested that
you mail these instiur^^.r:; ' ; - . . ^ '.^e.r,
The American Red Cro^-s ha. L ,-, th-: ,- ,. :,:rn °^ furloughs
fcr-any matter**^ H:—atrh* y^l''!*r - ** .u.'\- ^. .1, (.'eaths,
and other home cor.(. ; ... .f . .'r..t'L,v.^...'.or' j.L. . * .. j ."..''..
ted to
the military for ics .:<c:j x.s;
It is cften important th- - *: l^e n':jf.:.^-'. q*jfc.':ly of a critical
illness
or situation in y*".r hc-j.. 1:1 y*;' .'^j*. ^1*:. .: ..." fr.*'iil.y to
fallow the
procedure outlined bei.^, it, ..';.' L .;.' ,r :,^'- * " '..Lj.ge in ca*3es
of emergency.
No man can know when a cri^ca.- jllness or cthTr emergcin-y may strike
his home - therefore you are urged to send the instructions below home
as soon as possible,
___________DETACH AMD SEND HOKE IN YOUR NEXT LETTER__________________________
TO FAMILIES OF SERVICE f.EF:
In cases of emergency involving a critical illness, death, or other serious
matter at home, about which ou wish to notify a member of the Armed Forces,
you are advised to follow this procedure:
FIRST - Be sure a real emergency exists.
SECOND - Contact your local chapter of the American Red Cross, advise
them of the emergency, and request them to send a radiogram
through proper channels (which they will know) to the Field
Director, American Red Cross, at the station where the service
man is located.
THIRD - In case of critical illness the doctors diagnosis and prognosis
should be sent.. Otherwise it rry be necessary for the Field
Director to radio back for futhor informaticn which may cause
unnecessary delay. The doctor should also state it the presence
of the service man would alleviate any specific emergency*
Inasmuch as the military required verification through the Red Cross in
casses of emcrrency before it will take action, this procedure may save
you valuable timet Show this slip to the Red Cross for its guidance.
—-----LEARN HOIJ TO GET IN 5FCUCH 1JITH YOUR LOCAL RED CROSS MOU--------'-
Here ate***' aHMt^*****' joke% i found in one
of mu stationery boxes, I don't know if
I sent th^s^ before or ^ot because I got
ghd#!-a- them while I was still st the tns.
co. I hope you don't think I am a bad g&
girl because I send you these jokes,
but I know you want me to, so here goes.
"LF ^ WOLF ^- WOLF * WOLF ^ .'.'OEE
If he perks his little flivver
Down beside the moonlit river,
And you feel him all aquiver,
Baby, he's a wolf.
If he says you're a gorgeous looking
And that your dark eyes set him cooking,
But your eyes ain't where he's looking,
Baby, He's a wolf.
When he says your's an eyeful
But his hands begin to trifle,
And his heart pumps like a rifle,
Baby, he's a wolf.
If by chance when you are kissing
You can feel bis heart a-missing,
And you talk - but be won't listen,
Baby, he's a wolf.
If his arms ere strong like sinew,
and he stirs the gypsy in y6u,
So you want him close agin you,
Maybe you're the Wolf.
^^.^^ ^€,<^ ^- ^3" "^ ^^^^^
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE LITTLE MORON WHO---
1. Went to a football game because he thought a quarterback was a refund.
2. Thought "NO KIDDING" meant birth control.
3. Put his old man in the ice box so he could have "cold pop".
4. Saluted the ice box, because $he label said "General Electric."
5. Walked the sweater girl home so he could pull the wool over her eyes.
6. Slept with her Army husband's picture nine months and had paper dolls.
7. Was feeling low and got his face slapped.
8. Kissed the stBeet car good-bye and went to work on his wife.
9. Thought "asphalt* meant rectum trouble.
10. Slept on the chandelier because he was a light sleeper.
11. Went to the sawmill because he wanted to see his draft board.
12. Cut off his arms so he could wear sleeveless sweaters.
15. Ate dynamite hoping his hair would grow in bangs.
14. Looked in his history book all day trying to find out who General
Delivery was.
15. Wanted to cut off his nose to see what made it run.
16. Went into the living room because the doctor said he was going to die.
17. Sat down and cried and cried because her husband had gone out to shoot
craps and she didn't know how to cook them.
18. Took a b&Le of hay to bed with him so he could feed his night mares.
19. Stayed up all night studying for a blood test.
20. Carried his cream and sugar to the show because he heard they were going
to have a serial.
21. Cut his arms off, but that didn't bother him---he played by ear.
22. Punched his girl's eyes out so he could have a blind date.
23. Went to the show withtwo other morons. Two paid admission, but the
third one wouldn't, saying- "My name is crime, and crime doesn't pay.
24. Wrote himself a letter and when asked what he said, replied, "I don't
know, I won't get it until tomorrow."
25. Had his head out of the window so the wind could blow his nose.
26. Took off his knee cap to see if there was any beer in the joint.
27. Married a negro so his children could have chocolate milk.
28. Backed off the street car because he heard as soon as he got up some-
one would grab his seat.
29. Drank a bottle of whiskey before he went to bed so he could sleep tight.
30. Drank a bottle of mercurochrome before he went to bed so his dreams
would be in technicolor.
31. Cut off his fingers so he could write shorthand.
52. Was awakened by the telephone ringing and when he answered the party
at the other end of the wire apologized for calling the wrong number.
The little moron replied, "Oh, that's all right, I had to get up to
answer the phone anyway.
35. Was walking down the street with two other morons discussing their
ambitions. The first two' decided to be a doctor and lawyer, and the
third one said he wanted to be a Vitamin. They laughed at him but he
said, "The sign we just passed said Vitamin B-l..."
54. Took a yardstick to bed with him so he could measure how long he slept.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT TEE LITTLE MORON WHO---
35. Went hunting and lamented the fa_ct that he used a bullet on his
game when the fall would have killed him.
36. Burned his fingers trying to put diapers on a cigarette butt.
57. Waited on the corner for a jam session so he could have some to
go between his bread.
38. Took the clock to bed with him because it was fast.
59. While strolling along the beach saw a woman come out of the water
NUDE, and said, "Boy! wouldn't she look good in a bathing suit!"
40. Said, "I'm glad my name is Bill - everyone calls me that anyway."
41. Cut off the black horse's tail to tell it from the white horse.
42. Slept with his feet hanging out of the bed because he didn't want
those cold things in bed with him.
45. Pushed the cow off the cliff so he could see the "Jersey Bounce."
44. Sat on the lumber pile looking for the Board of Education.
45. Ran down the alphabet to "P".
46. Cut the toilet seat in half because his mother told him his half-
brother was coming to visit him.
47. Put on his trousers backwards so he could be a Rear Admiral.
48. Put the clock under his pillow so he could sleep overtime.
49. Put the chair in the coffin so rigor mortis could set in.
50. The first night he was married sat up all night gazing out of the
window because his mother told him it would be the most wonderful
night he would ever have and he didn't want to miss it.
51. Cut a hole in the rug so he could see the floor show.
52. Swallowed the thermometer because he wanted to die by degrees.
53. Was pregnant: Little Inside Dope.
54. Took his secretary to bed with him so if anything came up
she could tate it down.
55. Wanted a divorce because he went home and found his wife in bed
with laryngitis.
56. Stopped the train to let the lumber jack off.
57. Slept on his stomach because he heard the Japs were looking for
a new namal base.
58. Was running behind the street car to town to save a nickel....
The second Moron said "Why not run behind a taxi and save 35%?"
59. Ran around the bed all night trying to catch a little sleep.
60/ Filled the gym with water because the coach told him he could
be sub.
61. Took a ladder to the party because he heard the drinks were on
the house.
62. Bragged and bragged because they told him he got +4 on his
Wassermann Test.
63. Moron groom went to bed with his clothes on because someone told
him he would go to town during the night.
ADULTRY--------Two younc people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY—------The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
AVI .TRIX——-A pilot who cannot fly up-side down without hav-
ing a cruok up or tight side up without having a
bust up.
^LACK-OUT.....The reason a girl is apt to bet blown into mater-
nity without ever knowingwho it was.
,*. i -------. .cyl:'^' \,i-^t i^'f:. .y,.!.i.. ail^G ;;t .";.:.'
.il:.'G,".j.LS
and visa-versa.
CHIVARLEY———A man's inclination to defend a woman against every
man but himself.
INTERLUDE.....The time between the times.
<....One ho wears mink all day and fox all night.
KISS..........Uptown shopping for downtown business.
LOVL------------Love is a sickness, it starts in the brain and ends
in bed.
-L ---------An unnegotia tece.
MAN....A fellow who parks double in front of a house of iil-
repute.
NU .........A pan handler.
NURHRY.......A place to nark last years fun tmtill it crows up
a bit.
OLD-MAID—----A girl of advance years who has gone through life with
no hits, no errors---presumabley.
PA,.......A consolation prize for taking a chance on an Indian
blanket.
PASSIOh......... feeling you feel, when you feel your roinr to feel
a feeling you never felt beiore.
RGNAHCE.....A WOMAN all "swelled up over her nal^s work.
JSTITU...... busy body.
DIVORCE........-hat happens when tec people cannot stomach each other
any more.
..........deduction without salesmanship.
GLAMOR-GIRL...A much publicized youn^ lady vho occassionly i6 full
of oomph and frequently full of other things.
HOnsB-iIX)W....A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of asjes
showing their horses.
STOCKING;;.....Feminen pedal covering, that generally neither comes
to milay's expectations nor tickles her fancy.
TRIPJ, ......Taking seriously what was poked at you in fun.
VIRG1 - ..One that can run faster than the she
IFE..........A gadet that you screw on the bed and it does your
h3use work.
........when a young man's fancy turns to what a v.oman has
been thinking about all winter.
ADULTRY------Two young people doipg the right thing.
ALIMONY—-—The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
AVIATRIX——A pilot who cannot fly up-side twwn without having a
crack up or right side up without having a bust up.
BLACK-OUT-—The reason a girl is apt to get blown into maternity
without ever knowing who it was.
BRAZZIER——A device that makes mole hills out of mountains and'
visa-versa.
CHIVALRY--—A man's inclination to defend a woiaan against every man
but himself.
INTERLUDE-—The time between the times.**
igEPT WOMAN—One who wears mink all day and fox all night.
&IS3——-----Uptown s opping for downtown business.
LOVE----------Love is a sickness, it starts in the brain and ends in 4t
bed.
. Jy.'. .----—--An 'A'^o-j;tl;,tt;d ;j.^,c.
MINUTE MAN—A fellow who parks double in front of a house of ill-
repute.
LU^iL---'-----L ::.)an ^andlcx,
NURSERY------A place to park last years fun until it grows up a bit.
OLD-HAID——A girl of advance years who -as ,_;one through life with
no hits, no errors—presumably.
PAPOOSE-----A consolation prize for taking a chance on an Indian blan-
ket.
PASSION-—--A fettling you feel, when you feel you're going to feel
a feeling ou never felt before.
PREGNANCE—A woman all swelled up over her males work.
PROSTITUTE—A busy body.
DIVORCE——What happens when two people cannot stomach each other
any more.
RAPE---------Seduction without salesmanship.
GLAMOR-GIRL-A much publicized young lady \vho occassionl; is full of
oomph and frequently full of other things.
HORSE-SHOV—A lot of horses 3howinf, their asses to a lot of asses shos
ing their orses.
STOCjI.GS—Feminine pedal covering, that generally neirther comes
to Hay's expectiations not tickles her fancy.
TRIPLETS----Taking seriouxly what was poked at you in fun.
VIRGIN-SHEEP-One that can run faster than the Shepard.
WIFE---------A gadget that you screw on the bed and it does your house
work.
SPRING--—--When a young man's fancy turns to what a woman has been %
thinking about all winter.
ADULTHK-----Two you.np; peonle doing the right thii -. ^
ALIMONY-----The sc* ou get for the screwing you-got.
AVIATRIX----A *nilot who cannot up-s^de ttewn without havir.
crack up or right side ithout having a bust r .
BL/ '---The reason a girl is ant to get blown into matern*'
without ever knowinr v.ho it was.
BRAZZIER----A device that mole hills out of mountains and
visa-versa;
CHIVALRY----A nan's inclination to defend a wonan against every man
but hir:sel
TERLUDE---The oetv-een the times.
REPT '—One who wears mink all day and fox all night.
nISS--------u^t- ^or downtown business.
LOVE----------Love is a sickness, it starts in the brain and ends in &t
bed.
MAYHEM------An renegotiated piec,e.
-—A fellow who parks double in front of a house of ill-
repute.
jgE-------A pan handler.
-----A place to nark last years fun until it grows up a bit.
OLD-^AID----A girl of advance years who aas gone through life with
no hits, no errors---presumably.
OOSE-----A consolation ^rize for taking a chance on an Indian blan-
ket.
-----A feU' ou feel, when you feel you're geing to feel
a feelin u never felt before.
FREQUENCE---A woman r: nr over her males i^^.
PROSTITUTE—A busy body.
DIVORCE-----What ens when twcr people cannot stomach each other
any more.
RAPE---------Seduction without salesmanship.
ULAMOR-OIRL-A muck nublicized young lady who occassionl" is full of
oomnh and frequently full of other thinr .
iiORSE-STC —A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of asses shoV
ing their rorses.
STO'; I r-3---Feminine nedal cover: . that generally neirther comes
to iailay's expectiations not ti^ her fancy.
3TS----Taking seriouxly what was poked at you in fun.
v^ oHEEP-One that can run faster than the Shepard.
--------A adget that you screw on the bed and it does your house
work.
------When a young man's fancy turns to what a * has been %
\ th* t all winter.
A wLj ..'<s coinnssciON
It lias been almost a year since rny husbands' death and I promised him that
I would
nnever give myself to another man, niy husbaiid being the only man to whom I
had given
my body* On my past birthday a relative had given me a Saint Bernard dog. She
said
it would keep me company. He did too. He was so large he came almost to my
waist.
One day I was preparing to take a bath and had just unrobed when I heard a
fire alarm.
I ran to the fromt of my third story apartmentto look out the windoiv. Since
I would
have made myself absorb to the people across the street; being in the nude. I
got
down on all fours so as not to be seen by the people* across the street.
Suddenly pal,
my dog, cane up behind me and began sniffing my cunt. I was so embarassed I
tried
to get up but couldn't. I started crawling toward my Bedroom, but before I
got half
,. y across the room pal had his legs wrapped around me so that he jabbed me
in the
thighs with his prick. It was hot, and made me so hot that I decided that I
wanted him
bo i'j.jh i.e. I stopped struggling and reached back and guided it into my
pussy. Ohjl
It was so big a .d hard and long, much bigger than my husbands. I wondtsced
if I could
take it al^., but months of stored ur passion was in me. I never felt such
bliss ,
Hth his''big fussy body tickling my ass and Ms big hot prick going in and
cut. I
thought I wuld faint. His prick was so long that it seemed to be pushing rg
lungs out.
I came so fast and often it was like comming continously. I finally fainted.
YRien I
came too I was lying prone on the flcor, and pal was likking my ass. .I felt
his prick
and it nas still hard, so I took him into my bedroom. I lay on my back and he
licked my
cunt with hie i*lg red tongue. I thought 1. would go crazy. Then he got on
and it was
even better. I tkcag-' I would scream. Finally I made him quite and I thought
I would
die, I fell asleep immediately. I awoke €he nexy morming and was sitting on
the edhe
of the b d when eal came into the room. I pushed his head betrreei 'Ty legs
and just to
feel his hot breath made me spread my legs apart. He began licking my cunt
and I laid
back on the bed in sheer ectasy. He put his front feet upon me and put his
dick in.
It felt so good that I screamed. My scream was heard by the girl in* the next
room and
she came i*unnir!g to sec what the matter vras. I couldn't stop even if I
wanted to. She
as Iiypnctyzod by what she ssw. I told her that it was tae best thing that
ever
* ' j 7^ * :". i. I could sto^ hii: pal had his head under her dress and
f.e rtuining his tongue over ane over her pussy. She just stood there a.id
treinbled.
Then with a little cry she grabbed a couple of pillows and laid on the fleer.
Pal went
to work on her. She took some fancy lessons in fucking. They lucked for an
hour. At
first I just watched, but then I got & hot that I began to finger <' '.ck
mysely. She
saw me and motioned to come over to her. I did, and she pulled me down to a
position
over her face. Then she started to kiss my cunt. She sucked the come cut of
me and
Oh lord how I loved it. ..hen she got tln-ough I asked her to let me suck her
cunt.
Shereplied "Please do". She laid down and I started, by kissing her beetrnful
pussy.
Oh but it .a. s.reet. Then I began to run my tongue in and out like she loced
to hav
d)ne . She began to moan. She wrapped her legs around ae and said pie se dont
stop now.
I sucked her clean out and it iTas? an hours work. Finally she went to sleep
and I
crawled in beside her dreamily. Yfe nere overfucked. "sVhat a day. HO IKJMi
11 i
A ND SO ALAS! tT CAME TO PASS WE FELL JH '..NL ANOTHER.-
OUR LIVES AERE BLENT IN BLISS AND JOY. THE SEQUEL YOU MAY GATHER:
YOU MAY NOT HED RAYMONDE, MY BOY, BECAUSE i AM HER FATHER."
AGAIN SORE-STRICKEN HUNGRAY FLED, AND SOUGHT HiS GRIEF TO SMOTHER,
AND AS HE wRtTHED UPON HIS BED TO HIM THERE CAME H)S MOTHER.
TH E MARQUIS DE LA GLACiERE HAS SNOHY-HAIRED AND FRIGID.
H ER ,,'INTRY FEATURES CHiSSLED HERE, HER MANNERS ST!FF AND RIGID.
THE PRIDE OF RACE HAS UN HER FACE, HER BEARiNG H!GH 1ND STATELY,
AND SINKING DOWN BY HONGRAY'S S!DE SHE StOKE TO HIM^ SEDATELY:
"WHAT AILS YOU Sf "Y PRECIOUS CHILD? WHAT THONGS OF SORROW SMITE YOU?
Y ARE YOUR EYES S( HET AND WILD? COLE, TELL ME, ! INVITE YOU."
AHI IF I TOLD YOU, MOTHER DEAR," SAID HONGRAY WITH A SHIVER,
"ANOTHERS HONOUR WOULD, I FEAR, BE IN THE SOUP FOREVER."
"NAY TRUST," SHE BEGGED, "MY ONLY BuY. THE FOND MA,V:A HHO BORE YOU.
PERHAPS I MAY, YuUR GRIEF ALLOY. PLEASE TELL ME, I IMrLORE YOU."
AND SO HIS STORY HONGRAY TOLD, IN ACCENTS CHOKED AMD MUFFLED.
TH E MARQUIS LISTENED CALM AND COLD, HER VISAGE QUITE UNRUFFLED.
HE TOLD OF MIRABELLE DU VEAU, HIS AGONY REVEALING.
FOR fi'..V!.;.,t\iDE DE LA VEAL HIS HOE HAS QUITE BEYOND CONCEALING.
AND STILL SHE SAT WITHOUT A WORD, HER LOOK SO HIGH AND HAUGHTY,
YOU'D NE'ER HAVE THOUGHT IT HAS HER LuRD WHO HAD BEHAVED SO NAUGHTY.
THEN H.NGRAY FINISHED UP: "FOR LIFE MY HOPES ARE DOOMED TO SLAUGHTER;
FOR IF I CHOOSE ANOTHER WIFE, SHE'S SURE TO BE HIS DAUGHTER."
THE MARQUIS ROSE. "CHEER UP," SAID SHE, "THE LAST .aJRD IS HOT SPOKEN.
:m .','\iNOT ^!T ^:W SEE HER B'.Y'S HEART RuDELY-BROKEN.
SO UhY YuUR TEARS AND CALM YOUR FEARS; NO LONoER NEED YOU TARRY;
TODAY TOUR BRIDE YOU MAY DECIDE, TOMuRROW YOU MAY MARRY.
YES, YOU MAY WED WITH MIRABELLE, OR RAYMOi:DE IF YOU'D RATHER...
FOR I AS WELL TH E TRUTH MAY TELL... PAPA IS <<T YOUR FATH ER."
/ MADAME LA MARQUtSE \
; BY ROBERT SEP^tfTE-
SAtD HONGRAY DE LA GLACtERE Ui,!TO H)S PROUD PAPA:
"i WANT TO TAKE A WtFE, HON PERE." THE MARQUtSE LAUGHED: "HA: HA!
AND WHOSE, MY SON?" HE SLYLY SAtD; BUT HONGRAY WtTH A FROWN
CRtED: "Ft: PAPA, i MEAN TO WED. ) WANT TO SETTLE DOWN."
THE MARQUtS DE LA GLACtERE RESPONDED WtTH A SMtLE:
"YuU'RE YOUNG, MY BOY; t MUCH PREFER THAT YOU SHOULD WA)T AWHtLE."
BUT HONGRAY SiGHED: " t CANNOT WAtT, FOR t AM TWENTY-FOUR;
AND [ HAVE MET MY BLESSED FATE: ! WORSHtP, ! ADORE.
SUCH BEAUTY, GRACE AND CHARM HAS SHE, !'M SURE YOU WtLL APPROVE,
FOR !F ! LiVE A CENTURY NONE OTHER CAN ) LOVE."
"I H AVE NO DOUBT," THE MARQUIS SHRUGGED. THAT SHE'S A PROiER PET;
BUT HAS SHE GOT A DECENT DOT, AND [S SHE'OF OUR SET?"
"HER DOT," SA!D HONGRAY, WtLL SUFFtCE; HER FAMtLY YOU KNOW.
THE GtRL WtTH WHOM t FAtN WOULD SPLtCE tS MtRABELLE DU VEAU."
WHAT MADE THE MARQUtS START AND STARE AND CLUTCH HtS PERFUMED BEARD?
WH Y DtD HE STAGGER T( A CHAtR AND MURMER, "AS t FEARED"?
DtLATED WERE HtS EYESWtTH DREAD, AND IN A VOtCE OF WOE
HE WAtLED: "PY SON, YOU CAN. OT WED WtTH MtRABELLE DU VEAU."
"JHY NT? MY PARENT," HONGRAY CRtED. "HER -)A,E'S WITHOUT A SLUR.
WHY SHOULD YOU LOOK SO HOEEIFtED THAT t SHOULD WED WtTH HER?"
TH E MARQUtS GROANED: "UNHAPPY LAD: FORGET HER )F YOU CAN,
AND SLE tN YoUR RESPECTED DAD A MtSERABLE MAN."
".<HAT IS THE MATTER? t REPEAT," SAtD HONGRAY GROWING HOT.
"SHE'S WITTY,PRETTY, RICH AND SWEET.. THEN—MILLE DtABLES!—WHAT?"
THE MARQUtS MOANED: "ALAS: THAT t YOUR DREAMS OF BLtSS SHOULD BANISH;
'' ii : ^0__IN_THE BAYS G.NE-BY ORE ! t WAS DON JPANISH.
HLR : ^TH^P JA5 Y'P., . ,HFRS FN) END /,U WE WEiO. U! luOETHEo.
AH WELL! YOU KNOW HOW SUCH THINGS END. (t BLAME IT ON THE WEATHER.)
WE HAD A VLRY SULTRY SPELL. '. : ,Y. , : BIEUl I KISSED HER.
MY SON, YOU CAN'T <,,ED MtRABELLE. SHE IS... SHE tS YOUR SISTER."
SO BROKEN HEARTED HONGRAY WENT AND ROAMED THE WoRLD AROUND,
TILL HUNTtNG tN THE OCCtDENT FORGETFULLNESS HE FOUND.
THEN QUtTE REOuVERED, HE RETURNED To THE PATERNAL NEST,
UNTtL ONE DAY, WITH BROW THAT BURNED, THE MARQUIS HE ADDRESSED:
"FELICtTATE ME, FATHER MI^E; MY BRAtN tS tN A WHtRL;
FOR t HAVE FOUND THE MATE DEVINE, THE ONE, THE HRFECT GIRL.
SHE'S HEALTHY,WEALTHY, WtTCHtNG, WISE, WITH LOVELtNESS SERENE.
AH: PRotiJD AM I TO WIN A PRtZE, H ALF ANGEL AND HALF QUEEN."
"'TtS THE TO WED," THE MARQUtS SAtD. "YoU MUST BE TWENTY-SEVEN.
BUT WHO tS SHE WHOSE LOT MAY BE TO MAKE YOUR LtF E A HEAVEN?"
"A FRtEND OF CHtLDHOOD," HONGRAY CRtED. "FOR WHOM REGARD Y(U FEEL.
TH E MAtD t FAtN WOULD MAKE MY BRIDE tS RAYMOriDE DE LA VEAL."
TH E MARQUtS DE LA GLACIERE COLLAPSED UPON THE FLOOR,
AND ALL THE WORDS HE UTTERED WERE:" FORGtVE ME, I PPIORE.
MY StNS ARE HEAVY ON MY HEAD. PROFOUND REMORSE I FEEL.
MY SON YOU StUPLY CANNOT WED WtTH RAYMONDE DE LA VEAL."
THEN HONGRAY SPOKE WtTH VOIiiCE THAT BROKE, AND CORRUGATED BROW:
" INFORM ME,StR, WHY YOU DEMUR. WHAT tS THE MATTER i-iOW?"
THE MARQUIS WAtLED: "MY ^tCKED YOUTH! MY AGONY EXPLAtN...
A CURSED CASANOVA ]. ^ FtNtSHED FLtRT HER MOTHER;
* THE BALLAD CF TOUCH THE BOTTOM NELL
BY ROBERT SERVICE
BEYOND THE ROCKING BRIDGE IT LIES, THE BURG OF EVIL FAME
THE H UTS WHERE HIVE ANJ ^M AND THRIVE THE SISTERHOOD OF SHAME.
THROUGH ALL THE NIGHT EACH CABIN LIGHT GOES UJT AND THEN GLES IN,
A Bb.OD-RED HELIOGRAPH OF LUST, A SEMA ih.N- OF SIN.
FROM DAWSON T,WN, SOFT SULKING DOWN, EnCH LLl'.DSTER SEEKS HIS MATE:
AND GLAD aN< 1 -.', KIML^O C,\LD, THE NANTwN N, MEN WAIT.
THE KLONDIKE GOSSIPS TO THE MOON, \ND SIMMERS O'ER ITS BARS;
EACH SILENT HILL IS DARK!AND CHILL, AND CHILL THE PATIENT STARS.
YET HARK! UPON THE ROCKING BRIDGE A BACCHANALIAN STEP;
A WHISPERED: "COME," THE SKIRL OF SOME HELL-RAKING DEMITREP...
THEY GAVE A DANCE tN LOUSETOWN, AND THE TEHTERLOIN WAS THERE,
THE GIRLS WERE FRESH AND FROLICSOME, AND NEARLY ALL WERE FAIR.
THEY FLAUNTED ON THEIR BACKS THE SPOIL OF HALF-A- DOZEN TOWNS;
. AND SOME THEY BLAZED IN GEMS OF PR!CB, AND SO- :E WORE PARIS GOWNS.
THr VOTING WAS DIVIDED AS TO WHO MIGHT BE THE BELLE;
BUT ALL OPfNED, THE WtNSOMEST WAS TOUCH-THE -BUTTON-NELL.
AMONG THE MERRY MOB OF MEN WAS ONE WHO DID NOT DANCE,
BUT WATCHED THE LIGHT FANTASTIC WITH A 30LR AND SULLEN GLANCE.
THEY SAW HIS WHITE TEETH GFIT AND GLEAM, THEY SA'J HIS THICK LIPS TWITCH.
THEY KNEW HiM FOR THE GIANT SLAV, ONE RILEY DOOLEYVITCH.
"OH RILEY DOOLEVITCH, CO.ME FORTH," (-UOTH TOUCH-THE-BUTTON-NELL,
- " R f-m DA NC c -^irrFP^i^ri^r*.*,'; T;; :,iE^-'TTiE Music's spMPLY SWELL."
HE CRUSHED HER IN HIS MIGHTY ARMS, A MEEK, BEGUILING WITCH.
"WITH YOU, OH NELL, I'D DANCE TO HELL," SAiD RILEY DOOLEYVITCH.
HE WALTZED HER UP, HE WALTZED HER DOWN, HE WALTZED HER 'ROUND THE HALL;
HIS HEART WAS PUTTY IN HER HANDS, HIS VERY SOUL WAS THRALL.
AS ANTHONY OF OLD SUCCUMBED TO CLEOPATRA'S SPELL,
SO RILEY DOOLEYViTCH BOWED DOWN TO TOUCH-THE-BUTTON-NELL.
"AND DO YOU LOVE ME TRUE?" SHE CRIED. ") LOVE YOU AS MY LIFE."
"HOW CAN YOU PROVE YOUR LOVE?" SHE SIGHED. "! BEG YOU BE MY WIFE."
I STAKE BIG PAY UP HUNKER WAY; SOME DAY I'LL BE SO RICH;
I MAKE YOU SHINE IN SATINS FINE," SAID RILEY DOOLEYVITCH.
"SOME DAY YOU'LL oE SO RICH^SHE MOCKED; " THAT OLD PtPE-DREAM DON'T GO.
WHO GETS AN OPTION ON THIS K!D MUST HAVE THE COiN TO SHOW.
YOU WORK YOUR GROUND. WHEN SPRING COMES ROUND, OUR WEDDING BELLS WILL RING.
I'M ON THE SQUARE, AND I'LL TAKE CARF OF ALL THE GOLD YOU BRING."
SO RILEY DOOLEYVITCH WENT BACK AND WORKED UPON HIS CLAIM;
HE DITCHED AND DRIFTED, SUNK AND STOPED, W!TH ONE UNSWERVING AIM;
AND WHEN HIS POKE OF RAW MOOSE-HIDE WITH DUST BEGAN TO SWELL,
HE BROUGHT AND LAID IT AT THE FEET OF TOUCH-THE-BUTTON-NELL.
********
NOW LIKE ALL OTHERS OF HER ILK, THE LADY HAD A FRIEND,
AND WHAT SHE MADE BY WAY OF TRADE, SHE GAVE TO HIM TO SPEND;
TO STAKE H)M IN A POKER GAME, OR PAY HIS BAR-ROOM SCORE;
HE WAS A PIMP FROM PARIS, AND HIS NAME WAS LEW LAMORE.
BOHEMIAN LOVE DITTY.
Meat ma tonight my darling,
Oh. I long to see your face,
I&ve been so sad since our parting
How I long for your embrace*
Put your arms around me honey,
Kiss my cheeks until I blush;
Praaa a* close until I'm startled,
If I aaumnr make me hush.
Kaap yaur arms around me honey,
you're the one I lcve the best,
Lay me dom upon the sofa,
Mow I'm happy, let me rest ,
Kant to lay down betide me, honey?
Naaghty boy will you be good?
1am say you will, but can I trust you?
I would not refuse you if I could.
Oht how hot your lips are, darling,
Put your hands beneath my dress,
I could keep you here forever,
Twould be more than earthly blisa.
Keep a little cloaer ,darling,
Hew delicioua is your kiss,
Put your hand a little closer, darling
Now your on my co-co nest.
Put your hand upon it,darling.
Tickle me, you know the place,
There* that's it, darling,
Oh* I'm drifting into space.
Kisa ma, kiss me precious baby,
Then I'll let you do the rest,
Surely I can trust you, darling
Of all the boys I lova2 you the bast. *
Tell ma that you love ma darlingS
^ay you do and we'll begin,
Oh you want it badly, don't you,
well, I'll let you alip lti in.
Put it in slowly, gently,
My gracious, what a man.
Honey, honey, please be carefull,
You may have more than I can stand.
Lazy now and push it gently,
Yes, it reaches, my little pet,
But it doesn't hurt me any,
Please don't put it alii in yet.
I will put my leg around you,
Oh, my God, you've got it in,
I can feel my pussy throbbing,
Surely this is not a sin.
Hold me closer to you, darl&ng,
Push it farther if you can,
Work it in and out, my baby,
Hhat is life wAthout a man.
Stop a moment, somethin's broken,
Oh, my honey I'm going to die,
The paarly gate;j of heaven are open,
Darling, darling, tell me why.
Tired and sleepy are you darling?
Well, let us stop and res awhile,
Oh you darling angel child*
No one knows we've to HHeaven,
And saw the angels all around us white,
But now we know the feeling, darling,
And we'll go there every night.
A little maiden asaing by,
A little winkingof tho eye.
A little amile, ;little date,
To meet when thehuor is late.
A little room insome hotel,
A little promisenot to tell,
A little fussing in a chair,
A little mussing af the hair.
^ little drimk, a fond caress,
A little question, an assuring "yosH
A little shirtwaist laid aside,
A little breast that tries to hide.
A little hand that went a-stealing,
A little please wt.th funnt feeling.
A little coaxing, ^ little teasing,
A form Terealed taat ^& most pleasing.
A pair of panties mostly lace,
A little blush upan her face.
A little shadowing of the light,
A little bed with sheets so white.
A little loving in the gloom,
A sigh, a quiet room.
A pair of lips so warm an wet,
A little whisper, please not yet.
.* -Ht&l* pillow !&om the head,
^lipped beneath the hips instead.
A little effort to begin,
A little help to get it in.
Two little arms to grip me tight.
And then I ask,"does it feel alright"
^he smiles and says, "Oh! It feels so good"
And I reply,"I knew it would."
Two little lags around ma twine,
Two little eyes look into mine,
A little raovemant to and fro.
A little ah a little oh.
A little whisper, give me all you got.
Two hearts that beat as one.
I'M.)****' ii inlmH TmH < < m
Two lovers having fun,
A little effort to repeat,
A little spot upon the sheet,
A little shower when you're thivugh,
A little drink or maybe two^
A little sleep and finally when,
Breakfant in bed at half-paat ten,
A little bill, a 1 ttle tip,
The porter wishing a ploasant trip,
A little weariness the next day,
Like little children after play,
A little wish that you and I,
May repeat it by and by.
Joke.
I don't know whether you have heard this one before or not, because I had,
but I'll send it anyway.
"ANDY'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT"
Andy wished to pruohase a birthday giCt for Madame Queen, and
after much consideration, dediced on a pair of gloves. He accompanied
Mrs. Kingfish to a lady's furnishing store to pruchase the gloves and
Mrs. Kingfish purchased a pair of bloomers. The packages were mixed up
in the store and the package containing the bloomers were sent with
Andy's letter to Madame Queen.
Dear Honey:
This is a little token to remind you that I'm keeping the date of your
birthday. I chose them as I thought you would need them as you are not
in the habit of wearing any in the evening, when we go out. If it had
not been for Brother Kingfish's Battle-ax3, I would have chosen long ones
_with buttons, but she said they were wearing short ones now. They are deli-
cate in color, and the lady I bought th.em from showed me a pair she had
been wearing for three weeks, and they were hardly soild.
How I wish I could put them on you, honey, for the
first time, but no doubt many other hands will come in contact with
them long before I s ee them on you. After you put them on once, they
will slip on easily. When you pull them off, blow in them as they will
naturally be a little damp after wearing. Be sure to wear them to
the dance Saturday night as I'm crazy to see them on you.
Love,
Andy
P. S. Think of the number of times I will kiss the back of them this
coming year. Mrs. Kingfish said the latest style is to wear them unbuttoned,
and hanging down.
AND SO AS DOOLEYVtTCH WENT FORTH AND WORKED AS HE HAS BID,
AND WRESTED FROM THE FROZEN MUCK THE YELLOW STUFF IT H!D,
AND BROUGHT tT TO H]S LADY NELL, SHE GAVE HIM LOVE GALORE —
BUT H ANDED OVER ALL HER GAtNS TO FESTtVE LEW LAMORE.
A YEAR HAD GONE, A WE8RY YEAR OF STRAiN AND BLOODY SWEAT;
OF PA )N AND HURT tN DARK AND DtRT, OF FFAR THAT SHE'B FORGET.
H E SOUGHT ONCE MORE HER CAB)N DOOR: "!'VE LABOURED LiKE A BEAST;
BUT NOW, DEAR ONE, THE TtiiE HAS COME TO GO BEFORE THE PR) EST.
"i'VE BROUGHT YOU GOLD—A HUNDRED-FOLD t'LL BRING YOU BY-AND-BY;
BUT OH < WANT YOU, WANT YOU BAD; ! WANT YOU TtLL ! D!E.
COME, QUIT THIS LtFE WtTH EV)L R!FE—WE'LL JOY WHtLE YET WE CAN____"
" ! MAY NOT WED WI^H YOU," SHE SAtD; "! LOVE ANOTHER MAN.
"! LOVE HIM AND i HATE H!M SO. HE HOLDS ME )N A SPELL.
HE BEATS ME—SEE MY BRUISED BREAST; HE MAKES MY LIFE A HELL.
HE BLEEDS ME, AS BY StN AND SHAME ! EARN MY DA!LY BREAD:
OH CRUEL FATE, i CANNOT MATE TtLL LEW LAMORE BE DEAD!"
THE LONG, LEAN FLUME STREAKED DOWN THE H!LL, FIVE HUNDRED FEET OF FALL;
THE WATERS IN THE DAM ABOVE CHAFED AT THEiR PR IS ION WALL;
THEY SURGED AND SWEPT, THEY CHURNED AND LEAPT, WtTH SAVAGE GLEE AND STRIFE;
WITH SPRAY AND SPUME THE DtZZY FLUME THRILLED LIKE A THING OF LtFE.
"WE MUST BE FREE," THE WATERS CRtED, AND SCURRtED DOWN THE SLOPE;
"NO POWER CAN HOLD US BAQK," THEY ROARED, AND HURRIED IN THEtR HOPE.
---t'NTO'-A"' MIURTY PtPE THCt PLUNGED; LIKE MADDENED STEEDS THEY RAfj,
AND CRASHED OUT THROUGH A SHARD OF STEEL---TO SERVE THE WILL OF MAM.
AND THERE, HYDRAULICKtNG HtS GROUND BESIDE A BEDROCK DtTCH,
WtTH EYE AFLAME AND SA8AGE AtM WAS RILEY DOOLEYVtTCH.
tN LONG HIP-BOOTS AND OVERALLS, AND DtNGY DENtM SHIRT,
BEHtND A GIANT MONtTOR HE POUNDED AT THE DtRT.
A STEELY SHAFT OF WATER SHOT, AND SMOTE THE FACE OF CKAY;
tT BURROWED IN THE FROZEN MUCK, AND SCOOPED THE DIRT AWAY;
tT GORED THE GRAVEL FROM ITS BED, IT BELLOWED LtKE A BULL;
IT HURLED THE HEAVY ROCKS ALOFT LIKE HEAPS OF FLEECY WOOL.
STRENGTH OF A HUNDRED MEN WAS THERE, REStSTLESS MtGHT AND SKILL,
AND ONLY RtLEY DOOLEYVITCH TO SWtNG tT AT HtS WILL.
HE PLAYED tT UP, HE PLAYED )T DOWN, NtGH DEAFENED BY ITS ROAR,
'TIL SUDDENLY HE RAtSED HtS EYES AND THERE STOOD LEW LAMORE.
PIG-EYED AND HEAVY UOWLED HE STOOD, AND PUFFED A BtG CIGAR;
AS COOL AS THOUGH HE RULED THE ROOST IN SOME MONTMARTRE BAR.
HE SEEMED TO SAY:"t'VE GOT A CtNCH, A DOUBLED DIAMOND HITCH:
I'LL SKIN THIS MUSCOVtTtSH OAF, THt<S RtLEY DOOLEYVITCH."
HE SHOUTED: " STOP ZE WATER GUN% IT STUN ME...SACRE DAMN!
t'D LIKE TO MAKE ONE BUSINESS DEAL; YOU KNOW ZE MAN t AM.
ZAT LEETLE GIRL, SHE LOVE ME SO—t TELL YOU WHAT t DO:
YOU GEEVE TO ME ZEES CLAtM...UEEZCRtZEI, I GEEVE ZAT GtRL TO YOU."
"t'LL SEE YOU DAMNED," SAYS DOOLEYVITCH; BUT ERE H E CHECKED HIS TOUNGE,
(iT MAY'H*AVE BEEN AN ACCiDENT) THE LtTTLt GtAMT SWUNG;
SWtFT AS A LtGHTNtNG FLASH )T SWUNG, UNTiL tT PLUMPLY BORE
AND MET WtTH AN OBSTRUCT!ON !N THE SHAPE OF LEW LAMORE.
tT CAUGHT HtM UP AND SPUN H!M ROUND, AND TOSSED HtM L!KE A BALL;
IT PLAYED AND PAWED HtM )N THE AtR,'BEFORE )T LET HtM FALL.
THEN JUST TO SHOW WHAT )T COULD DO, W!TH SAVAGE REND AND THUD,
[T RtPPED THE ENTRAtLS FROM HtSSPtNE, AND DROPPED HtM )N THE MUD.
THEY GATHERED UP THE BROKEN BONES, AND SADLY tN A SACK,
THEY BORE TO TOWN THE LAST REMAiNS OF LEW LAMORE. THE MACQ.UE.
AND WOULD YOU HEAR THE FULL DETltLS OF HOW tT ALL BEFELL,
ASK MtSSES RtLEY DOOLEYVtTCH (LATE TOUCH-THE-3UTTON-NELL).
- . . - - . ,
* ' '.....' * ' - ' '
3 lover
