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Mess Songs and
Rhymes of the RAAF 1939-1945 this
being the 1961 reprint (possibly by Donald Laycock).
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MESS SONGS AND RHYMES
OF THE
RAAF
1939 - 1945
Jifew Guinea September 1945
Reprinted 1961
MESS SONGS OF THE R.A.A.F,
INDEX
Page
Title No . First Line
A# Abdul the Bui Bui Ameer 5 Now the harems of Egypt
Air Boards Loves Us 39 Air Boards loves us? this we
know
All the Nice Girls 24 All the nice girls like
a candle
Angeline 7 She was sweet
sixteen
As Boys We Went to School 31 As boys we went to school
All the Little Angels 36 All thd little angels ascend up
An Airman told me 42 An airman told me before he
died
A Lady was A1 Dressing 46 A lady was a!dressing
Allied Works Council; The 10 The sun shines bright, etc
A Long Strong Black Pudding21 A stands for A, etc
Alice Blue Gown 14 In my sweet little Alice
Blue Gown
A Handsome Young Farmer 44 A handsome young farmer once? etc
Australianaise, The 15 Fellers of Australier, etc
B#- Bless fEm All 49 They say there Ts a
Wirraway
Beside a Papuan Waterfall 22 Beside a Papuan waterfall
Babyfs Song 46 When me prayers were
early said
BullshitI 23 Bullshit 1 It doe
,sn!t mean a thing
Beauforts, The LUA.P.'s 29 With conversions and courses
Ball at Kerrymuir, The 3 The Ball, the Ball at Kerrymuir
Balls of 0fLeary, The 37 The balls of 0rLearjr? etc*
Bumble Bee, The 57 Sambo was a lazy coon
Bell Bottomed Trousers 44 Mary was a servant girl
Blue Black Child? The 41 A maiden sat in a mountain glen
Buggared 72 For forty odd
years I!ve been
Bastards Four, The 75 ITm a democratic figure
C# Cats On the Rooftops 1 The donkey on the common
ColdJ 43 Cold as the
ice on a half frozen
Craven A 71 Now gather round
you fellows
D«- Ding-Bong Ping-Pong 16 The vicar of a country
church
Bitty of a Titty, The 39 When sailors are babies
Down At Point Cook 36 Bown at Point Cook
Down the Dark Alley 43 The first time I met her
Darkies1 Sunday School 6$ Old folk, young folk, everybody
E« Evacuation Song 19 They say there!s a
Hudson
Early in the Morning 14 When I was young and in my prime
F* Father!s Grave 38 They?re digging up
Father's grave
Father's sitting on the
Cistern 32 Father's sitting on, otc
Five O'clock in the Morn. 34 A broker from the Wool Exchange
Fuck Air Board . 25 An airman lay dying on Papuan soil
Farewell Song (75 Sqn) 30 Thanks for the memories
Fascinating Bitch, The 24 I wish I wore a fascinating bitch
Four Wives, Tho 26 First there came the
airman's wife
CONTBTOED OVERLEAF
INDEX (Continued
Page
Title KJ$$L~ First Line
?• Pour Harlots, The 51 Four harlots down in
Mexico
Farmer's Dog, The 5^ A farmer's dog once came to
town
Finest Fucking Family 15 ThereTs a gentlemenTs urinal
Four Letter Words 60 Banish the use of these four,
etc
Om General Salute 40 Stand to attention,
BoysJ
Good Ship Venus, The 6 It was the good ship Venus
Grace 70 Her name was
Grace
H. Humoresque 18 Passengers will
please refrain
Hi Hi Cafoozelum 12 In ancient time there lived
Home Presents a Dismal 37 Home presents a dismal picture
Picture
Heigh-Ho Says Rowley 48 A is for Arsehole
Hardships, you bastards 52 Off to Milne Bay we did go
Hardships for Gentlemen 52 You can reach and press the hell
Hardships for Bar Officers 52 I have to count the bloody cash
Hardships on Cats 53 We fight the war from Hydefs
Hotel
Hairs on her Dicky-die-do 41 If she was my daughter
Hole in the Elephant's 47 My ambitions to go on the stage
Bottom
I* II Duce Gave the Order 35 I1 Duce gave the order to
march
In a Brothel in London 27 In a brothel in Londaon a harlot
Its Had It 64 Breasting each wave
If 73 If you can
keep your wife
J« Jean Baptisse Pour^uoi 17 Oh Jean Baptisse Pourquoi
K# Kaffir Purses 68 A friend of mine went
hunting
Keyhole in the Door, The 11 I left the party early
Kit Kat Style 67 This is the feeling
revealing
L« Lou Lou 39 Bang it into
Lou Lou
Lament to a Beaufort, The 19 The starting of a Beaufort
Last Saturday Night 10 Mien I went home last Saturday
Lili liarlene 45 Underneath the
lamp-post
Ladies and the Bishop, The 17 There were two young ladies
Lavatory Man* The 5a Last Monday morning the
Missus said
Last Night, I Pulla Da Pud 55a Last night, I pulla da pud
M# Mary was a Servant Girl 44 Mary was a servant girl
M.oresby Song 50 Now listen to me,
herefs a tale
More About Darwin 4h We came right up to Darwin
My Grandfather^ Cook 20 My grandfather^ cock was too long
Mrs Eiley 41 Oh, Firs Eiley, I
want you for me
Member of Air Board, The 34 Ain!t it a pity
Monk of Priory Hall .12 There was a monk of Prioty Hall
Mountains of Cairns, The 51 Oh Mary, this Melbourne's, etc.
CONTINUED 0VEBLEAF
INDEX (Continued)
Page
Title Mo First Line
N. No Balls At All 4 Now all you young
maidens
No Balls At All 4a In the year Anno Domini
Nursemaid1sluaont? The 50 Arsehole, Piss, Puck, Piddle,
Buggar
CU Old Mother Murphy 31 Old Mother Murphy, Queen
of the
O'Reilly's Daughter 23 As I sat "by 0!Eeillyfs fire
On the Shores of Milne Bay 54 On the shores of Milne Bay
Ode to the Blitz 61 It's ten o'clock, the sirens
sound
Oh, Please Don't Burn Our
Shithouse Down 37 Oh? Please don't burn our shithouse
Old Maids' Calamity, The 13 Oh, Dear, What a calamity]
Old Maid Sat By The Fire, 32 The old maid sat by the fire
Old S,J.Yo, The 21 There are ships on the sea
Old Milk Eun, The 9 Night after night you will
find us
Over the Hill 73 Man is not old when his
hair turns
P« Peek-a-bo 38 When I was just a
very young chap
Poor Blind Nell 47 The moon shone on the
village green
Pees 16 I think that
there can never be
Please do not Tread on
My Balls 27 Please do not tread on my balls
Portion of a Woman, The 55 The portion of a woman that arouses
Pruritis Nanny 70 This is the Story of
Little Nanny
Q.
E# Boiling Down the Mountain 9 One day Nancy and the deacon
Bing-a-ding~a~doQ 22 As I was going to Donegal
Pair
Eed Plush Breetches 45 John Thomas was a butler tall
Eat-a-tat-a-tat 11 A boy went into a
chandler's shop
Eoll Tour Leg Over 18 I left Milne Bay with a low
desire
Earn of Derbyshire, The 38 There was a ram of Derbyshire
Royal Artillery, The 74 Now you've heard of the men of
the
g Salomie 25 Down our street
we had a little
Song of the Gremlins 43 Oh, this is the song of the
gremlins
Shit-Shoveller, The 71 Every fucking morning
Sing a song of Sixpence 55a Sing a song od sixpence
Sammy Hall 28 My name is Sammy Hall
Say, Sailor Joe 28 Say, Sailor Joe, do your
balls hang
Sweet Violets 36 My brother went into the
woodshed
She's Up the Plue 33 I met young Sally, way down
in our
Stephen's Song 41 A maiden sat in a mountain
glen
Sweet Fanny Adams 27 Sweet Fanny Adams, always so
bright
Seven Squadron (Beauforts) 29 With conversions and courses
Six Squadron at Milne Bay 63 This is the story of a squadron
Sambo was a lazy coon 57 Sambo was a lazy coon
Starting of a Beaufort, The 19 The starting of a Beaufort is a most
Shores of Old Milne Bay 59 There was once a gang of Japanese
Sparrow Song, The 5& There was a fucking sparrow
Sexual Life of a Camel, The68 The sexual life of a camel
CONTINUED OVERLEAF
INXjEiX (Continued)
Title Page First Line
No
T. Taboo Tabie 40 Two British officers
crossed the
Bhine
TM*0* Lament 62 The Dougs go farting through the
skj
Tit-Bits 35 The people who count
all came to
Rue Mount
That's What They Taught He 57 With my hand on myself
Thanks For the Memory 66 Thanks for the memory
Trip to Heaven? The 6j She was a village maiden
U.
V» Violate lie 75 Violate me in the
violate time
V.A«I#f The 4-8 What has got a funnel
blue
W. Who'll buy a Vultee 17 Once a jolly pilot
When there isn't a girl
about 8 When there isn't a girl about
Whoa Baokj Gee Back 33 I took my girl to the races
Wirraway Song 49 They say there's a
Wirraway
What an Airman Dreams Of 56 A little maiden passing by
Werribee Madge 36 Down at Point Gook
Walter Lee 65 I know they say I'm
awfully hot
Winker and the WAAAF? The 61 The Winker and the WAAAP
Whang-Pu Blues 67 Now that I am far away
Wee Eairie Bitty 76 There once was a lassie wi'
a wee
Fa$e 1
CATS ON TOE BOOFTOPS
Tune s JOHN HBIEL
The donkey on the common is a solitary moke,
And its very very seldom that he ever gets a poke,
But when he does he lets it soak,
And he revels in the joys of copulation.
Chorus. Cats on the rooftops cats on the tiles,
Some with syphilis a^d some with piles,
But they all have their arseholes wreathed in smileo.
As they revel in the joys of copulation
The Australian lady emu, when she wants to find a mate,
Wanders round the desert with a feather up her date,
You should see the feather quiver when she meets her destined fate
And she revels in the joys of copulation.
The poor domestic doggie on the chain all day,
Never gets a chance to let himself go gay,
So he licks at his dick in a frantic way,
As he revels in the joys of copulation.
The labours of the poofter find "but little favour here,
but the morally leprous bastard has a peaceful sleep, I fear,
As he dreams he rips a red fun up some dirty urchin's rear
And ln revels in the joys of copulation*
The poor old Creeping Jesus? of his morals there's no doubt,
H© walks around St Kilda with his doodle hanging out,
And when he sees a wenoh it up and hits him in the snout,
And he revels in the joys of copulation.
The dainty little siylark sings a very pretty song,
He had a ponderous penis, fully forty cubits long,
You should hear his high crescendo when his mate is on the prong,
And he revels in the joys of copulation.
The owls in the trees, and the cats on the tiles,
One fucks in solitude, the other fucks in files,
Tou can hear delighted howls and shrieks for miles,
As they revel in the joys of copulation*
The poor old elephant, so it seems,
Is seldom troubled with any wet dreams,
But when he does it comes in streams,
And he revels in the joys of copulation.
The whale is a mammal, as everybody knows,
He takes two days to have a shag, but when he*s in the throes,
He doesn!t stop to take it out, he piddles through his nose,
And he revels in the joys of copulation.
The lady by the seashore was feeling very blue,
She saw the children at it, and she thought it wouldn't do,
So she bought three bananas, and she ate the other two,
And she revelled in the joys of copulation.
Pago 2
Cats on the Rooftops (continued)
In Egypt's sunny clime, the crocodile,
Gets a flip only once in a while,
But when he does he floods the Nilo:>
As he revels in the joys of copulation.
The old wild boar in the mud all day,
Thinks of the sows that are far '^r away
And the corkscrew motion of ha]: ^ day,
As he revels in the joys of copi iation.
The poor rhinocerous, so it appears,
Never gets a grind in a thousand years,
But when he does he makes up for arrears,
And he revels in the joys of copulation,
The poor old desert camel has no water for a week,
And as he doesn!t drink the poor old bug-gar cannot leak,
So he has to hold his water, so to speak,
While he revels in the joys of copulation-
If you wake ^^p in the morning with a devil of a stand,
And a funny sort of feeling in your semenary gland,
And you havn't got a woman, - just lie back and urie your hand,
And you111 revel in the joys of copulation*
Little Hary Johnson will be seven nex^ July,
She's sever had a naughty, but she thought she !d.,'.ike to try,
So she took her daddyfs walking-stick and did it on the sly,
And she revelled in the joys of copulation.
The dirty little bed bug has his morals torn to bits,
When he sees a husband playing with his wifie's rosy tits,
So he searches out and fornicates a thousand million nits,
And he revels in the joys of copulation*
When you wake up in the morning with thoughts of sexual joy,
And your wife has got the monthlies, and your daughter says she's coy.-
Just rip it up the rectum of your eldest boy,
And you'll revel in the joys of copulation*.
Pago 3
TH5 BALL AP ICRimflJia
The BallJ The BallJ The Ball] The Balli
The Ball7 the Ball; The Ball at Kerrymuir,
T7her0 four and twenty prostitutes came dancing through the door?
Singing, "Wha'll do it this time? TTha'll die it noo?
The maH who did it last time, canna do it noo,;u
And when the ball it starred? they all began to jig,
Before a half an hour was gone? they all began to frig,
Singing "Wha1'11 die it eto??
First lady curtsey, second lady pass,
Third Lady*s finger up the fourth ladyfs arse,
Singing n"Jha!ll die it this time etc"
With balls to your partner, and bums against the wall,
If ye canna get fook on Saturday night, ye canna get foock at all,
Singing irWhafll die it this time etc11
The minister, yes he was there, he wasnaT feelin1 weel,
He couldna1 hold his water in the middle of the reel,
Singing ?rWha!ll die it this time etc!!
The parsonfs daughter she was there, the saucy little runt,
With poison ivy round her arse, and thistles up he cunt,
Singing nWha!li die it this time etc"
There was foocking in the highways, and foocking in the lanes,
fe couldna* hear the music for the rattlin* of the stanes,
Singing "v?ha!ll die it this time etcT?
The chimney sweep, now he was there, they had to chuck him oot,
For every time he broke his wind, the room was filled with soot,
Singing uWhafll die it this time etc"
The Minister's daughter, she was there, she went to gather sticks,
She couldna1 find a blade of grass for balls and standing pricks,
Singing nWha!ll die i-- this time etc?r
Now Annie Laurie, she was there, she couldnaf find her bye,
But when she found the bastard, he was cornin1 through the rye,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time etc"
And Torn He Nab, the farmer, he wept and swore and spat,
For forty acres of his corn was fairly foocked flat,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time etc"
And Bobbie burns, the blacksmith, he was a mighty man,
With mucker knacks between his legs which rattled when he ran,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time etc11
There was foockin1 in the hallways, and foockin* on the stairs,
You couldna1 see the carpets for the crumbs and curly hairs,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time etc"
Page 4
The Ball _At^kerrymuir (continued)
And Neil, tlio farmer, he was there, it was a bloody shame,
Ho foookod his lassie forty times, but v/ouldnaT take her hame,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time otcn
There was foockin? in the haystacks, and foockin1 in the ricks,
You couldna1 hoar tho bagpipes for the swishin* of the pricks,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time etc"
And when the ball was over they all wont home to rest,
They'd all enjoyed the dancin', but the foockin-* was the best,
Singing "Wha'll die it this time etc11
NO BALLS AT ALL
How all you young maidens just listen to me,
And, I'll tell you a story that'll fill you with glee,
About a young maiden, so fair and so tall,
Who f'd married a man who had no balls at all.
CHORDS. No balls at all J What? No balls at all] What?
She'd married a man who had no balls at all.
On the night of her wedding she wont up to bed,
Expecting to lose all her fair maidenhead,
She felt for his penis, and found it was snail,
And then she discovered he'd no balls at all. CHOPiUS
So when in the morning she jumped out of bed,
She went to her mother, "Dear Mother", she said,
lly troubles are great, and my pleasures are small,
Foi? I've married a man who has no balls at all". CHORUS
Said the mother, "Dear daughter, don't take it so bad,
Just do for yourself as I did for your Dad,
There are numerous parsons who are willing to call,
And do for the man who has no balls at all". CHORUS
p
NO BALLS .am? ^LL
In the year Anno Domini , One Nine Two Four,
Around Sulemanya there started a war,
And everyone hollorocl and shouted for Bert,
To pull operations staff out of the dirt,
For they'd no balls at all, No balls at all,
Their engines out out, and they'd no balls atvail.
There once was a pilot who went to bomb "Sul",
His bombs wore alright, but his tanks were not full,
His bomber below through the phone clear did call,
fTIf your engines cut out, you'll have no bal'-S at all
"No balls at all, No "balls at all,
If your engines cut out you'll have no balls at all?r.
They were just over !tSuln when both engines cut out,
Again through that phono came that agonised shout,
"If you land to the north of the Basian Pass.
"I light as well stick the Lewis gun straight up your arse,
"You'll have no balls at all, no balls at all,
"If your engine cuts out you Ml have no balls at all".
Thoy looked o*or the side, and could quite plainly soo,
Old Sheik Hahmud and his party at tea,
Sitting around midst the stones and the rocks,
Discussing Spring fashions in pruning men's codes*
They'd have no balls at all, no balls at all,
If their engine cuts out they!11 have no balls at all*
They landed and ran like the chaff 'fore the wind*
With a bowio knife party ten paces behind.,
Thoy know they wore duo for some terrible shocks,
So thoy banged out thoir privates with large spiky rocks,
Thoy had no balls at all, No balls at all,
Thoir engine cut out so they'd no balls at all.
Saint Peter reclined, on a high fleecy cloud,
And the Orderly Angel came floating around,
"Lbccuso me" said he, "But it's quite plain to mo,
rThat hero is a signal that you ought to soo
"It!s by W/p, and it's marked with a <?T,
"Addressed to Saint Peter, repeat Holy Three,
"Sender's name 'AIR1, today's date and to say,
"That an old Ho lis Eoyoo Vernon has started our way,
"With no balls at all, No balls at all,
"Thoir engines cut out and they've no balls at all*"
Thoy wont to the drome in the midst of tho night,
Thoy placed out the flares and they placed them alright,
Thoy popped off the Voroy lights, Hod, Green and White,
To show where the strip was ore they should alight,
With no hall3 at all, No balls at all,
Thoir engine cut out and they'd no balls at all*
Pago 4"!j
EH. Balls At All (continuedN
They camo into land, they worn
And Saint Potor said? "Lad-,
The pilot replied in a voice c
"Thank you Saint Potor? I \.
"For wo'vo no balls at a'M,
fr0ur engines cut out and wo'vo
Tho moral of tiio storyTs quite plain to soo?
Look aftor your potrol vrlurov,? you L^;
Anf if midst tho Kurds and tho ,lr<:,bs you'd room?
And you must havo thorn out? hatt. thorn out out at homo*
Iou!ll havo no balls at all? no balls at allr
If 3^our engines out out you Ml havo no "balls at all.
KOBR ABOUT DAKWIF
Tunes John Brown's Body
Wo camo right up to Darwin just to help to win tho war?
And forgot about a lot of thing's wo used to liko before,
But thoro's a thing or two on which wo're.fooling rather soro,
As we go marching on*
Choruso We don't want to live in Darwin? Austerity has como to
It's terribly austoro now in Darwin, Darwin?
Uov/ austerity1 hcroo
They've taken all tho girls away and havn't loft a soul,
And there's not a girl about tho place who isn't black as coal,
So things arc pretty lous# talcing everything en tho whole,
As wo go marching oiia Choruss Wo don't want to live, otc.
Thoy say that down below the pubs arc chock-a-block with "boor,
But you can take my word for it? wo never got it horo,
Because wo arc so terribly and fearfully austere,
As wo go marching on. Chorus^ We don't want to live, etc*
Tho little bastard up the lino called on us long ago?
He'd come to sloop and stay for keeps? the little so-and-so,
But now austerity is here? he's left for Tokio?
As wo go marching on, ^o:™50 '^° £°nM want to live, etc.
Thoy say the Nips havo got down on our rubber by tho tin,
Wo'ro losing all our privileges ono by bloody one,
And way down South thcr'ro having all tho fright without the fun,
As wo go marching on. Chorus<> Wo don't want to live, etc.
Yos, Darwin now is too austere? but Java would bo fine,
With miles of kegs of ice-cold boor in never-ending lino?
And sitting on each foaming keg a luscious concubine?
Tohholp us marching on. Chorus.- Wo don't want to live, etc.
■ :. ..:11 c:. go0 0, cheer?
lot u.t .nMit th ; odd boern.
....:•- an,., shrill,
no ba.M.^ at all .
Pa
AB-UL, '.Br J BUL-BUL ALTZill
How tho harems of Fgypt are fair to behold,
And tho ladies the fairest of fair,
But tho fairest, a Crook? she was owned by a sheik,
Ono Abdul, tho Bul-Bul Aruoor«
A travelling brothel v/as brought to tho town,
By a Russian who camo from afar,
And ho issued a challenge to all who could shag,
Did Ivan Skivinslci Skivar.
How Abdul did rido with some snatch ^ his side,
His face was all flushed with desire,
And ho wagered a thousand that ho could outride,
Count Ivan Skivinski Skivar.
Tho spoctaclo groat was arranged for a date,
When a visit was made by tho T^ar,
The streets wore all lined with the harlots entwined,
With Iva|i Skivinski Skivar.
They mot on tho track with their tools hanging slack,
Tho starter?s gun punctured the air,
Both were quick on tho rise, but all ga.spcd at tho sizo,
Of ftbdul the Bul-Bul Ameer.
The ..twots were all shorn, and no frenchios wore worn,
And Abdul1 s bum rowed like a car,
But he hadn't a hope Tgainst tho long oven stroke,
Of Ivan Skivinski Skivar.
After Ivan had won and was cleaning his gun,
Ho bent down to polish his pair,
When ho folt something shoot up his old brown cheroot,
!Twas Abdul, tho Bul-Bul Ameer*
Tho harlots turned green, and tho men shouted "QuoonJ"
They wore ordered apart by the Tzar,
But fast they were stuck, it v/as rotten bad luck,
For Ivan Skivinski Skivar.
But the cream of the joke, when apart they were broke,
"';;as laughed at for years by tho Tzar,
For Abdul, the fool, ho had buggarod his tool,
6n tho ring of Skivinski Skivar*
Among Muscovite maidens Count Ivan ranks high,
Tho best ram 'neath the pale polar star,
For ho shagged to a standstill the pride of tho East,
Did Ivan Skivinski Skivar•
Pago 5a
tic; lavatohy j;an
Last Monday morning the J'issus sa.id, ".Now Bob,
Go down to a steamship and got jraursolf a job#n
So being a man of action, 1 hopped on board a tram,
And twenty minutes later I was a la,vator;r man*
Nov/ my girl Flo, she thinks the world of mo,
But sho doosnft know I work in a ladies1 lavatory,
She comes down to meet mo, dressed in lovely clothes,
But whore the hell sho gets them, God only knows*
Her hats are black and blue and hor shoes are black and tan,
And I know she doesn't got them from the lavatory'- man,
One day upon the gangway from my duties I'm roli.-vod,
"lion looking on the wharf a lovely lady I perceived,
A lovely looking lady, full of grace and charm,
She had a lot of luggage and a baby on hor arm*
I raced down that gangway, just like a knight of old,
And grabbed the infant from her arms, - it was just 3 weeks old
It left a brown and yolloo stajni on my uniform spick and span,
'Bio bastard must have known I was the lavatory aan#
*«0O«fld«9eo«a«o«e*«
TEB SPAERQ1? SONG
There was a fucking sparrow, lived up a fucking spout,
Along came a fucking rain -storm and washed the fucker out,
And as he lay a-sprawling, upon the fucking grass,
Ho told the fucking rean-storm to kiss his fucking arse.
And when the storm was over, and likewise too the rain,
That silly fucking sparrow crawled up that spout again.
Up came a fucking spa,rrowhawk who spied him in his snuggery,
Ho sharpened up his beak and claws and chewed him up to buggary*
Up came a flicking sportsman, wot had a fucking gun,
And shot that fucking sparrowhawk and spoilt his fucking fun}
The moral to this story is plain to everyone,
It's them what lives up fucking spouts, don!t have no fucking fun*
I: ago 6
It was tho good ship Venus? liy God you shoule have aocn us?
Our figure-head was a whore in bod? our crest a rampant penis*
CHORUSo Tiddly-Om Pom Pom, Tiddly~Om Poo Pom?
Tiddly~0m? $iddly-Om, Tiddly-Cm Pom Pern.
Tho Captain!s narao was Mugger? upon that dirty lugger?
Ho wasn't fit to shovel shit? tho fornicating buggar*
Tho CaptainTs wife was Mabel? each time that she was able?
She and the mate would fornicate upon the galley tabic.
Tho first mate r s name was Wiggun? By God? he had a big/an?
Wo bashed his cock with a lump of rock? for friggin1 in tho
/riggin'•
Tho Samper's little daughter? she foil into tho water,
Ecstatic squeals revealed that cols ha,d found her scroial quarter*
Tho cabin boy?s nemo was Clipper? a cunning little nippor?
So filled his arse with broken glass? and circumcised the skipper*
The ladies of tho nation arose in indignation?
And filled his bum with chewing gum - a smart retaliation.
Tho bosun's name was Andy? My God? that man was randy?
T7o boiled his btim in rod-hot rum? for coming in the brandy.
The carpenter? Carruthcrs? beloved, of" all tho others?
Ho wasn't quite hermaphrodite? a mistake of his motherfe.
The ship's dog's narao was Piovor? we fairly bowled him over?
And ground, and ground that faithful hound from Calais Poads to;"'
Dover*
On the trip to Buenos Aires? wo rogerod _M tho fairies?
Wc got tho syph. at Tonerriffe? and clap in tho Canarios.
'Twas on the China, Station? at tho Xmas celebration*
Wo sank a junk with a load of spunk through mutual masturbation.
The cook's name was 0 Mlallcy? for him no shilly-shallj^?
He shot his bolt -with such a jolt? ho wrecked the bloody galley.
The bosun's name was Tapper? we rubbed his bsills with butter?
Tho charge whizzed past the miszcii mast? and foamed against tho/
scupper.
Tho Captain was ola.tod? the crew investigated?
They found some sand in his prostate glands- he had to bo /
castrated.
Pago 7
i; IGELIND
Sho was swoot sixfcoon, and tho village quoen,
Puro and innocent was Angolino,
Novor had a thrill, and a virgin stilly Poor Little Angolino.
Now tho villago squire had a low desire,
Ho was the dirtiost bastard in tho shiro,
And he'd sot his heart on tho vital party Of Poor Little Angolino.
At tho villago fair tho squire was thoro,
Kasturbating in the middle of tho square,
When he chanced to see tho dainty knee of Poor Littlo Angolino.
Sho had raised her skirt to avoid tho.dirt,
As sho tripped botwoon tho puddles of tho Squire!s last squirt,
And his knob grow raw at the sight ho saw, Of Poor Littlo Angolino.
So ho raised his hat and said, "Tour cat
"Has boon run ovor and is squashed quite flat,
But my car is in tho square and I'll take you there, Dear Little/
Angolino."
Now tho dirty turd should have got tho bird,
Instead she followed him without a word,
And as thoy drove away, you could hear tho people say, Poor Little/
Angolino.
Thoy had not gone far when ho stopped tho car,
And took her ovor to tho local bar,
Whoro he filled her with gin, just to tempt her Jo' sin, Poor /
Littlo Angolino.
Whoa he'd oiled her well ho took hor to a dell,
And decided to give hor bloody fucking hell,
And to try his luck at a lay down fuck, On Poor Littlo Angolino.
With a cry of rape ho raised hor capo,
Poor Littlo Angolino had no escape,
Nov; its time somoono came to save the fair name, Of Poor Little/
Angolino.
Now tho story is told of a blacksmith bold,
Who!d loved littlo Angolino for years untald,
Ho was handsome too, and had promised to bo truo, to Poor Littlo/
Angolino.
But sad to say, that very same day,
The blacksmith had boon put into gaol to stay,
For coming in his pants at tho local da.no o, !7ith Poor Littlo/
Angolino.
Now tho prison cell overlooked tho dell,
Inhere tho squire was giving her bloody fucking hell,
And as 'she lay on tho grass, he recognized the arse, of Poor /
Littlo Angolino.
So ho gavo a start, and a mighty fart,
Which blow tho prison bars wido apart,
And ho ran like shit lest tho Squiro should split, Poor Littlo/
Angolino.
Page 8
Angelina (continued)
When he got to the spot; he aaw her twot,
And tied the villain1s penis in a knot,
And as he lay on his guts he was kicked in the nuts, By Poor/
Little Angeline.
"Oh Blacksmith, I love you, Hove you, I do,
And I see by your trousers that you love me too,
Here I am, undressed, so come and do the rest",
Said Poor Little Angelinea
Now it wonTt take long to finish this song,
For the blacksmith?s tool was over one foot long,
And his phallic charm was as brawny as his arm,
Poor Little Angeline*
WHEN THBBB ISN%T A GIHL ABOUT
When ther isn!t a girl about you do feel lonely,
When there isn!t a girl about, yourTe on your only,
Absolutely on the self, nothing to do but buggar yourself,
When there isnTt a girl abouto
Old pLobinson Crusoe lived a life of debauchery,
On a Christmas isle in the Southern Seas,
Late one night, when he got into bed,
He whipped his old Gazooka out, and this is what he said,
"Get hold of this, Get hold of that,
"Get hold of this, Get hold of that.11
When there isnTt a girl about, etc.
Tom, Tom the Piper?s son, stole a pig and away he ran
In and out the houses, down the shady lanes,
He caught that pig, and grabbed it by the head,
And whipping his old Gazooka out, this is what he said,
"Get hold of this, Get hold of that, etc"
Little Hiss Muffet, sat on a tuffet,
Giving herself a candle-wang, giving herself a thrill,
Along carne a spider, and sat down beside her,
He whipped his old Gazooka out, and this is what he said,
"Get hold of this, Get hold of that, etc."
Our Plight Sergeant, hefs got a wooden leg,
He forgot to take it off when he got into bed,
His wife got in beside him and saw it lying there,
Then grasping it with both her hands, she offered up this prayer,
"Get hold of this, Get hold of that, etc."
Page 9
ROLLING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN
One day Nancy and the Deacon climbed the mountain side at noonf
They climbed right up the mountain, but very very soon,
She came rolling- down the mountain,
She came rolling down the mountain,
She came rolling down the mountain very wise,
For she wouldn't give the Deacon,
That there thing that he was seekin',
And she*s still as pure as West Virginian skies*
Then came Henderson the traveller, with his phrases sweet and kind,
He took Nancy up the mountain,
But she wouldn't change her mind,
She came rolling down the mountain,
She came rolling down the mountain,
She came rolling down the mountain by the dam,
She remains, as we have stated,
Still quite uncontaminated,
And, as pure as a West Virginian ham.
Then came the village cowboy, came thisr cowboy with his song,
He took Nancy up the mountain but she still knew right from wrong,
She came rolling down the mountain,
She came rolling down the mountain,
She came rolling down the mountain by the shack,
For despite the cowboy's urgin',
She ramains the village virgin,
And as pure as her Pappy's apple-jack.
Then came the city slicker with his hundred dollar bill,
He put Nancy in his Packard, and. he drove her up the hill,
She stayed up in the mountain,
She remained v:o in the mountain,
She delayed up in the mountain all that night,
She came down the mountain early,
More a woman than a girlie,
And her father kicked, the hussy out of sight.
There's an ending to my ditty, she's a'living in the city,
And from alj. accounts she'rt (ioi^ mi^k-fey ^>11*
For she's dining and sheTs wining,
And she's on her back reclining,
And the old: Virginian hills can go to ,Hello
iTHS OLD MILK HUN
Tune j The Band Played On.
Night after night you will find us in flight,
On the Old Hi IE Hun*
Sunset to dawn, you will find us airborne,
On the Old Milk Run.
With looks at our clocks, watch the old "Lordy-box"
Believe me it isn't much fun,
Through the rain and the shit, and there's plenty of it,
On the Old Milk Run*
Page 10
LAST SATURDAY NIGHT
When I went home last Saturday night ray darling wife to see,
I saw a hat upon the rack where my hat ought to be,
So I said to my wifey, !t0h Y/ifey, tell to me,
"Whose is that hat upon the rack, where my hat ought to be?n
"Oh youTre blind and drunk, you silly old cunt,
"You're blind and cannot see,
"For that is but the piss-pot that you gave unto me."
Now ten thousand miles I've travelled,
Ten thousand miles or more,
But Ifve never seen a piss-pot with a hat band on before*
When I went home last Saturday night my darling wife to see,
I saw a thing inside her thing where my thing ought to be,
So I said untd Tifey, "Explain this unto me,
"What is that thing inside your thing where my thing ought to be?"
"Oh you're blind and drunk, you silly old cunt,
"Youfre blind and cannot see,
For that is but the rolling pin that you gave unto me#"
Now ten thousand miles I've travelled
Ten thousand miles or more,
But I never saw a rolling pin with balls on it before o
'■Then I went home last Saturday night my darling wife to see,
I saw a face beside her face where my face ought to be,
So I daid to my Mfifey, "E:rplain this unto me-,
"'•Those face is th&t beside "your face where my face ought to be?"
"Oh you're blind and drunk, you silly old cunt,
"You're blind and cannot see,
"For that is but the baby's bum that you gave unto me."
Now ten thousand miles I've travelled,
Ten thousand miles or more,
But I never saw a baby's bum with whiskers on before.
ALLIED T703KS COUNCIL
Tunes Ily Old Kentucky Home.
The sun shines bright, but its mucking up the drome,
The squadron is wasting away,
"Thile princely sums are deposited back home,
And the tractors make sweet music half the day*
The pilots sigh and lament their lack of brains,
So childish they only fly a kite,
For if they'd learned tractor driving do?/n the lanes,
They'd be better off than knowing how to fight•
So whinge no more, you bastards,
This jealousy's a curse,
You may shoot Japs down,
But you v/on't be worth a crown,
Till you learn to drive a tractor in reverse.
Page 11
THE IJ.mip.I5 IN TGDJ JOOB
I left -fcjio pai*-*^ early, 'twas shortly after nixie9
And by some stra,nge coincidence her room was- neoct; to mine,
And like the hold Columbus, strange regions to explore,
I took up my position at the keyhole in the door.
Chorus* The keyhole in the door,
The keyhole in the door,
I took up my position
At the keyhole in the door*
She crossed o'er to the fireside, her dainty feet to warm,
With nothing on but a shimmy that revealed her lovely form,
I prayed that she'd remove it, I prayed for nothing more,
By Godi I saw her do it through the keyhole in the door*
Chorus* The keyhole in the door, the keyhole in the door,
3y God J I saw her do it through the keyhole in the/
I wished that I might enter, I wished for nothing more,
And after many pleadings I crossed the threshold floor,
And so no one might see us, as I had done before,
I rammed her little shimmy through the keyhole in the door.
Chorus * The keyhole in the door, etc.
That night I slept in clover and something else besides,
And on her snow white bosom I had some lovely rides,
liariy in the morning my prick was very sore,
You'd thought that I had stuffed him through the keyhole in the /
Chorus* The keyhole in the door, etc*
3Fow listen you astronomers, and men so bloody wise,
"Tho gase up through strange telescopes and study all the skies,
I'll tell you something certain, I'll tell you something sure,
Your telescopes have nothing on the keyhole in the door*
Choruso The ke3^hole in the door, etc*
■BAT~A-TAT~TAT
Tunes The poacher
A boy went into a chandler's shop, some candles for to buy,
And when he got ifo the chandler's shop, no chandler did he spy,
He loudly knocked, he loudly cried, enough to wake the dead,
But all he heard was rat-a-tat-tat right above his head*
Now ho was a very inquisitive youth so up the stairs he went,
And he was very surprised to find the chandler's wife in bed,
And she was lying upon her back with a man between her thighs,
And they were having rat-a-tat-tat, right before his eyes*
And when the deed was over, the wife she raised her head,
And she was very surprised to find the boy beside her bed,
"Mow if you'll keep my secret, boy, to you I will be kind,
"And you can have rat-a-tat-tat- whenever you feel inclined*"
Page 12
HI HI CAFQOZBLUM
In ancient times thoro livod a maid*
"i/ho carried on a roaring trade,
A prostitute of low repute,
The harlot of Jerusalem.
Chorus, Hi Hi Cafoozelum Cafoozielum Cafoozolum
Hi Hi Cafoozelum, the harlot of Jerusalem*
One day thoro came a buggar tall,
Who with his cock could shift a rock,
And he had boon through nearly all
The harlots of Jerusalem• Chorus.
Ho laid her on the earthen floor,
And had his fill of that old whore,
Until his penis grow quite sore,
The same as all Jerusalem. Chorus♦
One day there chanced to heave in sight,
A gcbusito, a bloody shite,
Who shagged her there wirfch all his might*
The same as all Jerusalem. Chorus>
He took her to a shady nook,
And thoro from out his pants ho took,
A penis like a butcher!s hook,
The pride of all Jerusalem. Chorus.
He led her to a shady spot,
And there right in her shiny twot,
Ho spilt his slimy oily lot,
Tho best in all Jerusalem. Chorus.-
The harlot only took one look,
She seized him by his mighty crook,
And slung him into Jordan's brook,
That flows around Korusalem. Chorus.
THE MONK OF PHIOBY HALL
— I.H I ■ I.LI«I .1 ... ...... IT l» , ■■■ „||| I., ■ III— "«
There was a monk of priory Hall>
There was a monk of Priory Hall,
There was a monk of Priory Hall,
He bashed his balls against the wall (fiopeat 3 times)
Bastard,1 ShitheadJ Shite.'
Ho mot a maid with jet black eyes, (Repeat 3 times)
Ho placed his hand be ween her thighs (Repeat 3 times)
Tho nasy bastardj The lousy shitheadJ The filthy shite J
He laid her on her lily white bed (Repeat 3 times)
And shagged her there till she was dead (Repeat 3 times)
Tho immoral bastardJ The lecherous shitheadJ The dopraacEui «hi+<>*
The parson came and cried, nFor Shame J" (Repeat 3 times)
And shagged her back to life Again* (Repeat 3 times)
The eoclosiastioal bastard J- ^Tho opiaoo^alian shithedl The "bitle-
?>angi*ig old shite I
.0 t«»«.«0§0.«...
Pago 13
THE OLD MAID'S CALAMITY
Tunes Oh Dear, What Can tho Matter Be*
Oh Dear? what a calamity
Lots of old ladies locked in a lavatory,
They were thero from Honday to Saturday,
Nobody knew* they wore there.
Thoy were going to visit the vicar,
They wont in together because it was quicker,
But they didn't know that the door was a sticker,
And nobody know they wore there*
The first one's name was Elizabeth Bender,
She went in there to adjust her suspender,
Tho end got caught up in her feminine gender,
And nobody knew she was there.
Tho second one's name was Elisabeth Draper,
She wont in there hoping someone might rape her,
But all that she got was some 'pink toilet paper,
And nobody knew she was there.
Tho third one's name was Elizabeth Porter,
She went in to pass her superfluous water,
She stopped when she'd dribbled a pint and a quarter,
And nobody knew she was there *
Tho fourth one's name was Elizabeth Jepson,
She had just taken a large dose of Epsom,
And Ohl The rosultJ It was flotsam and jotsom,
And nobody knew she vras there.
Tho fifth one's name was Elizabeth Carter,
She was renowned as a champion farter,
She sat down and puffed off tho Moonlight Sonata*
And nobody knew she was there.
The sixth one's name was Elizabeth Humphrey,
She said, "Why, this seat is remarkably comfy".
But when she got up she could not get her bum free,
And nobody know she was there.
Tho seventh one's name was Elizabeth Euffin,
She tried for an hour, but she couldn't do nothin',
She said, "That was good J" but thoy know she was bluff in1,
And nobody knew she was there.
The eighth one's name was Elizabeth Meyer,
She kept on forever, she couldn't retire,
She found tho tide roso over higher and higher,
And nobody know she was there.
Tho ninth one's name was Elizabeth Aitkon,
Sho swallowed a sood 'which commenced germination,
And there sho took root in a queor situation,
And nobody know sho was there.
The Old IJaidf s Calamity (Continued)
The tenth one's name was Elizabeth Tanner,
Shefd swallowed a flute on a trip to Havana?
She "blurted? - and out trilled the Star Spangled Banner
And nobody knew she was there♦
The eleventh one's name was Elizabeth Muddle,
She dropped off to sleep i* the height of her huddle,
She woke with a start, with her bum in a puddle,
And nobody knew she was there*
The twelfth oneTs name was Elizabeth Hooper,
She said, "Why, these fittings are quite super-dooper,
"The paper, I find, makes a fine pooper-scooper,
And nobody knew she was there*
The last one's name was Elizabeth Mollish,
Four bits of paper she found she'd demolish,
One down wipe, One up wipe, One dry wipe, One polish,
And nobody knew she was there.
BABLY IN QBE MOBNISTO
When I was young and in my prime,
I oould raise a horn at any time,
But now that I am old and gray,
I only get it once a day,
That's early in the morning,
That!s early in the morning,
That's early in the morning,
I get it once a day«
ALICE BLUE.GOWN
In my sweet little Alice Blue Gown,
'Twas the first time I ever was browned,
I v/as tactful and shy, when he opened his fly,
When I saw what he had, God J I thought I would die,
Then he said to me , "Please turn around,"
And he shoved that big thing up my brown,
Though he ripped it and tore it, I'll always adore „it,
The first time I esrer was browned*
Page 15
THE AUSTRALIAHAISE (by C. J. Dennis)
Tunes Qjaw-aaxl Chriatiaa Soldiers*
Fellers of Australia,
Blokes and ooves and coots J
Shift yer*. * * * *#f.ttearcases,
Hove yer* *•**..*•* .boots,
Gird yer9 *..* *•••••«loins up,
Git yer*## **#**<*gunf
And set the«•••••••••enemy
Watch the b ••*••*•• * • run.
Chorus* Git a
Have some
Learn the
Self de-
When the bugle,
Sounds ad* vance
Don't be like a flock er sheep,
In a trance•
Biff the foeman,
Where it don*t agree,
Spiffler cate him to E-
Terni- ty» Chorus
Have some brains be-
Neath yer lids:
Swing a bloody sabre for the
Missus and the kids*
Chuck supportin1 lamp-posts,
An* sirikin1 lights*
Support a family an!
Strike fer jex rights. Chorus•
Fellers of Australier,
Cobbersj chaps and mates,
Hear the b enemy,
Kickin at the gates*
Blow the bugle
Beat the drum,
Uppercut and out the cow to
Kingdem Come] Chorus*
THE JFINEST F.....G FiHILY IN THE IMP
Tunes The Road to-ths Isles*
There's a gentlemens' urinal to the North ox" Wa4roa?loor
There's ladies lavatory further down,
There*s a constipated trollop poking pennies in the slot,
While the bloke in charge looks on her with a frown*
Have you seen my sister, Lily, she!s a whore in Piccadilly,
My mother runs a brothel in the Strand,
While my father hawks his arsehole round the Elephant & Castle,
We're the finest f.#*.#g family in the land
move on,
sense,
art of
fence*
Page 16
PEES
Tunes Trees.
I think that there can never be?
A thing* so lovely as a pee*
A pee that gives your bladder rest,
And pulls your balls down from your chest,
A pee that takes away the beer,
Arid leaves a feeling wondrous queer.
Ten thousand lamp-posts for a pup,
An oak tree for a youth grown up,
But be it man or be it dog,
'■/lio only wants to piss, not bog,
Jerries were made for maids, you 3ee,
But only man can stand to pee.
DING-DONG, PING-PONG
The vicar of a country church,
To the curate said in fun,
f?I bet I've had more girls than you",
And the curate said, "It's donei!l
"We'll stand at the gate of the churchyard,
"And this shall be our sign,
"You say 'Ding-Dong1 to the girls you've had*
"I'll say 'Ping-Pong' to mine"#
Ding-fflong, Ping-Pong
There were more Ding-Dongs than there were Ping-pongs,
Till suddenly a nice young girl came along,
And the curate said, "Ding-Dong"•
"Hold hard" said the vicar, "No ding-dongd there,
".For that's my wife, I do declare]"
"Balls" said the curate, "I've been there]
"It was a hell of a good Ding-Do rig J"
THE THIMD JEWS
Once upon a time there were three Jews,
Once upon a time there were three Jews,
Three Jew Jew Jews, Three Jew Jew Jews,
Once upon a time there were three lews.
The first one's name was Abraham, etc.
The second one's name was Izaac, etc
The third one's name was Jacob, etc.
They all woat down to Norfolk, etc.
They all fell down a precipice, etc.
They took them off to hospital, etc.
No beds there were vacant, etc.
My song is done, I'll finish it, etc.
Page 17
THE LADIES AND THI;: BISHOP
Tunes Limericks
There were wo young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is the story concerning 'em.
They lifted the frock and tickled the cocky
And the balls of the Bishop confirming 'em.
But that Bishop, now he was no fool,
For he'd been to a large Public School,
So he took down his breetches,
And buggared those bitches,
With yards of episcopal tool#
WHO'LL BUY A VTTLTSB
Tunes Waltzing Katilda*
Once a jolly pilot and his observer,
Flew on a strike far over the sea,
And they sang as they pranged on Fredrik Hendrik Island,
"Who'll buy a Vultee, a Vultee from me?
"Who'll buy a Vultee, Who'll buy a Vultee,
"Who111 buy a wiped-off Vultee from me."
And they sang as they pranged on I^redrik Hendrik Island,
"Who'll buy a Vultee, a Vultee from me?"
Jean Baptisse Pourquoi
Oh, Jean Baptisse Pourquoi, Oh, Jean Baptisse pourquoi,
Oh Jean Baptisse, why do you grease,
Tour little dog's arse with tar, Ha Ha, He He, Ho Ho, Bow Wow*
Because he had diawhoe , Because he had diarrhoe,
That is the reason why I grease
lly little dog's arse with tar, HaHa, He He, Ho Ho, Bow Wow.
Continues, Jean Baptisse, Continues Jean Baptisse,
Continues Jean Baptisse to grease,
lour little dog's arse with tar, Ha Ha, He He, Ho, Ho, Bow Wow.
9
Pago 10
H'JIIOlffiSQTn
Tune 2 Dvorak13 nHumoresquen
Passengers will please refrain
From passing water while the train
Is standing" at the station or at rest.
Tramps and hoboes underneath
Might got it in their hair and tooth
Which really is!nt what they like the best.
When passing water, Please call the Porter,
He will place a vessel in the vestibule*
v/hile the train is at the station,
v/e encourage constipation,
Thank you for observance of this rule J
BOLL YOUR LEG OVSB
I left Milne Bay with a low desire (3 times)
Scratching my itches, my balls were on fire,
So roll your leg ov^r, Boll your leg over once more.
1 went to a hotel a^scratching my itches (3 times)
The first thing I did was to haul down my breetches,
So roll your leg over, roll your leg over once more,
I met with a maiden and she was a-weeping (3 times)
And then there began such a crawling and creeping,
So roll your log over, roll your leg over once more.
I said to the maid,"'"May I come to bed with yor?*f (3 times)
The maiden replied, "You're not handcuffed or tied",
So roll you leg over, roll your leg over once more.
I said to the maiden£fI cannot get in yerH (3 times)
The maiden replied, "There's a knife by the winder"
So roll your log over, rollyour leg over once more.
The knife it was sharp and her drawers split asunder (3 times)
And then we heard music and lightning and thunder,
So roll your leg over, roll your leg over once more.
In three months time the maid sat a-weeping, (3 times)
And then she remembered the crawling and creeping,
So roll your leg over, rollyour log over once more.
In six month1s time the baby stirred in her (3 times)
And then she remembered the knife nj the winder,
So roll your log over, roll your leg over once more.
In nine months time the maid split asunder, (3 times)
And then she remembered the lightning and thunder,
So roll your leg over, roll your leg over once more.
Now all you young maidens, let this be a warning, (3 times)
Don!t leave your precautions until the next morning,
So roll your leg over, rollyour log over once moro
Pago 19
TEA LikJJSIT TO A BEAUFOBT
Tunes Join Brown1 a Body
The starting of a Boaufort is a most peculiar art,
No matter how you prime thorn the best they do is fart*
In fact, on some occasions when the dew is on tho grass
Ono might as well insert the pump up Pratt & Vihitney's arse*
Chorus. 3, IJ E. II Everybody come,
Come and .see tho Beaufort boys all sitting on their bums,
Trying to start their engines up amid tho mighty roar
Of all the Hudson pilots who have taken off before.
An enthusiastic fitter and some pilots off the course,
Have found to their dismay? and sometime their remorse,
That to ovorprimc those motors is a wilful misdemeanour,
And has about the sane effect as a badly aimed enema.
Now tho line-up of tho Boauforts is a kost impressive sight,
And one to cause old Tojo to shit himself with frightj
But when he sees those Boauforts, all U/S two week's after,
Ho smartly changes from shitting and pisses limself with laughter.
Thoy say that overpriming 'washes oil off all the walls?
Then starting is about as hard as rooting without balls,
In fact tho whole procedure is just a bloody farce,
"Jo love our Bristol Boauforts, -Oh Yes J Pigs Fucking Arse*
To holl with all conventions and tho methods they dictate,
Tou can keep your old procedure and ram it up your date,
!Cos Irve come to the conclusion that the way to start the bitch
Is to got a fucking tractor and tow it in high pitch.
EVACUATION SONG (From 77 Squadron)
Tunes Bless cm all.
They say there's a Hudson just leaving Milne Bay,
Bound for tho Seven Ilile,
Heavily laden with terrified men,
¥ho!vo been there a bloody long while.
They1re shit-scared, and frightened, and brassed off as well
Sergeants and Officers all,
They havn't a notion, in which bloody ocean,
They'll bo doing the breast-stroke or crawl.
Page 20
TEE WQ0DPBCKI:)Hf S HOD?
•runes Dixie
Oh? I put my finger in the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul!"
"$ake it out J Take it out J Take it out J Kf'£T0V3 IT!"
Oh, I tool: my finger from the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my* soul,
"Put it back! Put it back] Put it back! HFJPLACE IT!"
1 left my finger in the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,
"Turn it roundJ Turn it round! Turn it round! H3VQLV33 ITi"
Oh, 1 turned my finger in the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,
Turn it back! Turn it back! fen it back] HFTVEBSE IT!
I pulled my finger from the woodpecker's hole,
And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,
"What a thrill i What a thrill! What a thrill J K'lVOLTDTGJ
HY GHJjTOPATHBRYS COCK
Tunes My Grandfather*s Clock.
Hy grandfather's cock was too long- for his pants,
And it dragged several feet on the floor,
It was longer by half than the old man himself,
And it weighed nigh a hundredweight more,
Hefd a horn on the morn of the day that he was born,
It was always his pleasure and pride,
But it drooped, shrank, never to rise again,
When the old man died*
Ninety years without cracking- it,
What a cock! What a cock!
He spent his life whacking it,
What a oocki What a cock!
But it drooped, shrank, never to rise again,
When the old man died.
My grandfather's cock was too long for his strides,
So ho lent it to the woman next door*
She grabbed it by the point, and pulled it out of joint,
So he swore he*d never lend it any more*
He'd a horn on the morn of the day that he- was T^ora*
It was always his pleasure and pride •
But it drooped, shrank, never to rise again,
When the old man died*
CEOHUS iTinet-y years without cracking it etc
CHORUS
Page 21
TH5 OLD S*J*Y.
Tunes Home on the range
There are ships on the sea and they sail with safety,
For they fear not the raider so bold,
And the sailorls heart sings as the Cat spreads her wings
Over cargo more precious than gold*
Chorusi High up in the sky,
Where they're doing the old S.J.Y.
Oh the convoy is there, "but the sailors don't care
While the Cat Boat is up in the sky.
How oft through the night has a graceful old kite
Flown on to a dawn rendevous,
Where riding- the waves over submarine graves,
Sails the convoy, just specks on the blue. Chorus*
Oh, the hours are long, but endurance is strong,
Watchful eyes falter not through the flight,
And the wolves of the deep, like the skunks they are, creep,
Away from their prey till the night* Chorus
Then the tirefl. old plane heads for home once again,
The crew are so weary and worn,
But another old ship choofs along on the trip,
And the convoy will see her at dawn. Chorus*
A LONG STRONG BLACK PUDDING
(Gregorian Chant)
A stands for A,
A.
L stands for Long,
A Long,
S stands for Strong,
Long Strong,
A Long Strong*
B stands for Black,
Strong Black,
Long Strong Black,
A Long Strong Black*
P stands for Pudding,
Black Pudding,
Strong Black Pudding,
Long Strong Black Pudding,
A Long Strong Black Pudding
U stands for Up, etc
H stands for Ily, etc
S stands for Sister*s, etc
C stands for Cats, etc
A stands for Arsehole, etc
T stands for Twice, etc
N stands for Nightly, etc
S stands for Sideways, etc
AH5NJ.
Page 22
HING^A-DINQ^A-DOO
As 1 was going to Donegal fair,
1 met a lass of beauty rare,
And she asked me to, she asked me to, what could I do-o,
But play* around with, her ring~a~ding~a~doot
Chorus* Her ring~a~ding-a~cloo, her ring-a~ding-a~doo,
(*«-*■ ^ha* is that? Oh, what is that?
So soft and furry,
Just like a cat, Just ^Like a cat.
It's oval in shape, injshape, injshape,
And split in two-oo,
That thing she calls
Her ring-a-ding-a-doo.
Now nine days passed and I felt sore,
And so I swore that I would never more,
Assault that thing, assault that thing, you know it too-oo,
The thing she calls, her ring-a-ding-a-doo,
Chorus, Her ring~a-ding-a-doo, etc.
She went to Few York, and on her door,
She pinned a notice "I Mi A WHOKE",
Come all you young men, you old buggars too-oo,
I!ll let you play with, my ring-a-ding-a-doo.
Choru_s# Her ring-a-ding-a-doo, etc.
Up came a copper to her front door,
llHave you a license to he a whore?"
"No* I havn?t got a license, but I Ml tell you what 1*11 do«*d(J,
"I'll let you. play with, my ring-a-ding-a-doo.
Chorus. Herring-a-ding-a-doo, etc.
!f0h, Father De~ar, Oh don't he wild."
"Just as I thought, you are with child,
"You've ruined me, you've ruined me, and my family too-oo
,!To Hell with you, and your ring-a-ding-a-doo.
Chorus. Her ring-a-ding-a-doo.
BBSIIFi A TAPUAH WATBHFALI
Tunes The Bells of Hell.
Beside a Papuan waterfall? one "bright September day,
Beside his shattered Kittyhawk, a young P/0 he lay.
And as he hung on a coconut tree, not yet completely de-ad,
Oh listen to the very last words the young P/0 he said.
"I'm going to a better land, where everything is bright,
fttv7hero whisky grows on coconut trees, and they play poker every nig
"There is no work to do all day, just sit around and sing,
'Il-y-a beaucoup, and women too, Oh Death, where is thy sting?tlft
Oh Death, where is thy sting-a~ling-a-ling,
Oh grave, thy victory.
The bells of Hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling,
For you but not for me.
I asked her would she marry, marry me, but all that she would say,
Was "Ting-a-ling-a-ling, Oh Ting-a~ling-a-ling> Oh Ting-a-ling-
a-ling all day".
Page 23
0 ! K3ILLY 'S DAUGHTER
As I stood by O'Reilly's fire,
Sipping away at rum and water,
Suddenly a thought came into my mind
I'd like to ride O'Reilly's daughter.
Chorus% Diddy-I-Ay, Diddy-I~Ay,
Biddy~I-Ay for the one-eyed Keilly,
Dom, Dom, Dom, Balls and all>
Zig~a~zig-a~zig tres bonj
I lay the damsel on the bed,
Threv/ my left leg gently over,
Never a word did the damsel say*
But she laughed like hell till the fuck was over*
Chorusg Biddy-I-Ay, etc*
I heard two footsteps on the stairs,
Who should it be but her bloody old father,
With a pistol in each hand,
Looking for the man who was up his daughter.
Chorus % Diddy-I-Ay, etc.
I grabbed the bastard by his hair,
And rammed him into a pail of water,
Shoved those pistols up his arse,
A bloody side faster than I tucked his daughter.
Choruss Diddy-I-Ay, etc.
BULLSHIT
Tunes Nursey.
Up in Cairns, flying Cats, are a queer bunch of chaps,
They are tough, they are tough, and they terrify the Japs.
They don't care, when or where, ±hey are sent to bash the foe,
R?om the CO. to the airmen, they warble as they go.
Chorus. Bullshit, it doesn't mean a thing to us,
Bullshit, who cares if Air Board makes a fuss,
We have fun, but do a job as well,
We won't fail them now, so what the HellJ
So cut out
Bullshit, it doesn't mean a thing to us,
So Air Board, Nuts to youJ
And up you N.E.A*? We'll go our own sweet way,
We'll bash the foe, and run our show,
She wajr we always do.
Camo the day, N.73.A. said, IfYou'll have to mend your ways,
You must look, in the book, do everything it says,
Wear your hats, and your gats, as laid down in A.P«0.sn.
But the Cat boys only laughed and said,
"We've never heard of those J"
Chorus3 Bullshit, it doean't mean a thing, etc.
Pago 24
ALL THI] NIC?] GIRLS
Tunes All the Nice Girls Like a
Sailor
All the nice girls like a candle?
All the nice girls like a wick?
For there's something about a candle,
That you don't get with a prick*
Mice and greasy? slips in easy?
It's the surest way to joy?
It's been up the Queon of Spain?
And it's going up again?
Syph Alioy? Syph Ahoy*
All the nice boys like a harlot?
All the nice boys like a whore?
For there's something about a harlot;
That you've never known before *
She'll be willing? for a shilling?
And she'll pep you up? my boy?
But she'll leave you on the rocks?
With a bloody good dose of pox?
Syph Ahoy? Syph Ahoy.
All the parsons like a choir boy?
All the parsons like a bum?
For there's something about a choir boy?
That would make an angel come*
Roll him over? sleep in clover?
It's the curate's only joy?
And you needn't give a rap? for you'll never catch the clap?
From a boy? From a boy*
THE FASCINATING BITCH
Tunes The Glow Worm
I wish I wore a fascinating bitch?
I'd never be poor? I'd always be richj
I'd live in a house with a little red light?
I'd sleep all day and work all night*
I'd take a vacation once in a while?
Just to make my clients wild?
I wish I were a fascinating bitch?
Instead of a "Dure little child.
r.age 2
SALOME
Down our street we had a little party,
Everybody there was, Oh so gay and hearty,
Talk about a treat J We scuffled all the meaty
And drank all the beer in the boozer down the street*
Old Uncle Jim was fair fucked up?
So we put him in the cellar with the old bull pup,
Little Sonny Jim was longing to get in?
With his arsehole winking at the moon*
Oh I
Salome; Salome, She's my girl Salome,
Standing there with her arsehole bare,
Waiting for someone to slide in there*
And slide in, and glide in,
Fair up her fucking chute,
Two brass balls and an arsehole bare,
And a foreskin full of fruit*
Shefs a great big bitch, she!s just twice the size of m&,
She's got hairs upon her belly like the branches of a tree,
She can run, jump, fight, fuck, wheel a barrow, push a truck,
That's my girl Salome.
On Monday night she takes it up the back,
Tuesday night she hauls in the slack,
On Wednesday night she has a spell,
On Thursday night she fucks like hell,
On Friday night she takes it up the nose,
In between her fingers, and down between her toes?
On Saturday night she fucks for pay,
And she goes to church on Sunday.
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah,
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam,
And a bloody fine sunbeam I'll be*
PUCK AIE BOAHD*
Tuner, TIT WILLOW.
An airman lay dying on Papuan soil,
Puck Air BoardJ Puck Air Board! Puck Air BoardJ
And with his last gasp he gave out the good oil,
Puck Air Board! Puck Air Board! Puck Air BoardJ
And the reason they gave for his being dead meat,
Was that hef&ad fuck all but baked beans to eat,
So join in this chorus, with fervour and he^t,
Puck Air Board! Puck Air BoardJ Puck Air Board!
Page 26
phs mm wives
.First there cam© the airman's wife,
And she was 6x03306, in beige,
And in one corner of her funny little tiling,
She had a Pfandloy Paige.
She had a Handley Paige, ray boys,
Phe engines all ar-throb,
And in the othor corner v/a.s an airman on the job*
Chorus^ She had those dark and dreamy eyes,
With a whiz-bang up he Jacksie,
Singing, "ffiioa back, Gee back, come and get your /
money back,
Come and have a bang at Iiaryj
Singing, Old airmen never die,
Phey yank themselves away*
Ne:^fc there cane the Captain's wife,
And she was dressed in blue,
And in one corner of her funny- little thing,
She had the lifeboat crew,
She had the lifeboat crew, my boys,
Phe rowlocks and the oars,
And in the other corner, the marines were forming fours,
Chorus* She had those dark and dreamy eyes, etc*,
Ifexu there came the cricketer Ts wife,
And she was dressed in vermilion,
And in one corner of her funny little thing,
She had the Lord's pavilion*
She had the Lord's pavilion, boys,
The scorer and his book,
And in the other corner, the remains of last night's fuck*
Chorus* She had those dark and dreamy eyes, etc*
Last there cam^ the brewer !s wife, and she was dressed in gray,
.And in one corner of her funny little thing,
She had the brewer's dray*
She had the brewer's dray,. my boys,
Phe horses and the boer,
And in the other corner she had syph* and gonorrhoe*
Chorus* She had those dark and dxeaxaj eyes, etc,
Page 27
PiriASE DO NOT TIKAD ON MY .BALLS
Tunes Say, Won't you come to the
Ball
Please do not tread on my balls,
Please do not tread on my balls•
It isnft my fault that they hang so low,
They should have "been cut off years ago,
They are what everyone calls,
Truly phenomenal balls*
So please do not tread on my balls,
On my balls, balls, Balls, Balls, Balls, BallsJ
Donft muck about, Don!t fuck about>
Don't muck about, Don't fuck about
Please do not tread, etc.
IN A BBOTHFL IN LONDON
Tunes Dinkie Die
In a brothel in London a harlot did dwell,
The dirty old bastard, I knew her quite well,
And in the back room where the deeds came to pass,
She opened the window and shoved out her arse,
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die^
She opened the window and shoved out her arse©
A poor old night watchman was just passing by,
That poor old night watcjman was eating a pie,
The poor old night watchman looked up in the sky,
And a steaming hot turd hit him fail" in the eye,
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die,
A steaming hot turd hit him fair in the eye*
That poor old night watchman was blinded for life,
With twentyfour kids and a prostitute wife,
And on the street corner you111 see him now sit,
Saying, "Please spare a coin, Sir, I've heen blinded by shitn.
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die,
Saying, Please spare a coin, Sir, I!ve been blinded by shitft«
SWEPT FANNY ADAMS
Sweet Fanny Adams, always so blithe and ge^fj
Carved her name on an old oak tree, one day in Hay,
But the woodpecker came in September,
And the woodpecker would peck away,
Now all that is left on the old oak tree,
Is ST7IET F. Ao
Page 28
SAiarr hall
Ky name is Sammy Hall, Sammy Hall, Sammy Hall,
lly name is Sammy Hall, Sammy Hall, Sammy Hall,
liy name is Sammy Hall, and I've only got ono ball,
But its better than fuck all,
Damn your eye3, Blast your soul, Buggar them all, Big and Small,
Fucking shit, Damn and Blast, Piddle and Piss.
They say I killed a man, killed a man, killed a man, (Twice)
I hit him on the head, with a bloody lump of lead,
And now the bastard1s dead,
Damn your eyes, Blast your soul, etc*
They put me in a cell, in a cell, in a cell, (Twice)
They put mo in a cell, Fucking awful place to dwell,
But there!s bastards here as well,
Damn your eyes? Blast your soul, etc.
They say Ifm going to swing, going to swing, going to swing, (Twice)
They say I'm going to swing on a bloody lump of string,
What a fucking awful thingj
Damn your eyes, Blast your soul, etc.
The parson he will come, he will come, he will^ come, (Twice)
The parson he will come, and hefll preach of Kingdom Come,
He can shore it up his bum,
Damn your eyes, Blast your soul, etc..
The sheriff will come too, will come too, will come too, (Twice)
The sheriff will come too with his bloody awful crew,
They've got fuck all else to do,
Damn your eyes, blast your soul, etc.
To heaven I will go? Iwill go, Iwill go, (Twice)
To heaven I will go, and I'll piss on those below,
I thought I!d let you know,
Damn your eyes, Blast your soul, etc.
And now I am in Hell, am in Hell, am in Hell, (Twice)
And now I am in Hell, fucking4 awful place to dwell,
But there's bastards here as well,
Damn you eyes? Blast your soul, Buggar them all, Big and Small,
Fucking shit, Damn and blast, Piddle and Piss J
SAY, SAILOB JOI) J
Tunes Sailor's Hornpipe.
Say, Sailor Joe, Do your balls hang low*,
Do you tie 'cm in a knot, Do you tie !em in a bow.
Said the Captain of a whaler as he whopped it up a sailor,
And he played his ukelele as the ship went down.
bsaufoplTSJ tip? d.a-p.'s phije
*$ Squadron Song Tunes Dinkie
Die
With conversions and courses to kill us they've tried,
By some bloody mischance they've all just survived?
On Beau-bloody-bornbers we've all qualified,
So we're off to the war in the DoA.P.s pride.
Dinlcie T)±g? Dinkie Die,
We're off to the war in the D.A.P. 's pride.
In this wallowing pig wo are off to the war,
Minus torpedoes and titbits galore,
And the Jesus Box Company closed down its store,
Dven Air Board admits they don't know what we're for.
Dinlcie Die, etc.
As fighters they say wo are too bloody slow,
The target for bombing is too far to go,
As transports there's no place the darn stuff to stow,
Our purpose they say they don't bloody well know*
Dinlcie Die, etc.
Then along came a bloke, a beaut Air Board Madonna,
He must have been riddled with sypho or gonna,
For he thought up a use for the Beau-hloody-boniber,
We're erecting a huge pile of shit in his honour.
Dinkie Die, etc.
Nov/ we stooge round in circles in submarine sweeps,
There are more bloody* convoys than Yanks have got jeeps,
The sight of a ship only gives us the creeps,
If we only had "George" we could all have some sleeps.
Dinkie Die, otc«
The first bloody hour wo spend searching the sea,
The convoy ain't whore it should bloody woll be,
Its miles from the spot on the daily GG,
So we'll find it by D.R. or faith in J.C.
Dinkie DieP etc.
The next hour is eas$ once the convoy is found,
Our minutes with all sorts of pleasures abound,
Wo look for Jap subs that wo know aren't around,
And we do all the tricks on which Air Board has frowned,
Dinkie Die, etc.
The third hour it finds us beginning to freeze,
As with fodder our hunger we try to appease
On an unvaried diet of biscuits 3,nd cheese
And jam with more seeds than a dog has got fleas.
Dinkie Die, etc.
The fourth hour's the one when we want to relax,
With all sorts of fcorriblo pains in our jacks,
Wo don't give a hoot for positions and tracks,
When wo think that for this wo pay damned income tax*
Dinkie Die, etc. /r, , . oN
7 (Conxmuod over loaf)
Page 30
Beaufortsi The D.A«P.'s Ppi,c\e (continued)
The fifth hour it sees ua a really grim sight;
The pilot has "had it", the Wag flies the kite,
The poor flying arsehole keeps watching the height,
And the rear gunner sleeps dreaming dreams of delight*
Dinlcie Die, etc.
The last hour's the best as for home we set course,
We!ve seen quite enough of the "bloody H force,
We're tired as a dog, we could eat a dead horse,
We've heard, nothing all day but engines and morse♦
Dinlcie Die, etc.
And then when we've landed to ops room we file,
We tell them nil sightings the vis. is one mile,
We answer all questions with slap-happy guile,
Then off to the mess to get drunk in grand style.
Dinlcie Die, etc.
The beaut Boston pilots, they treat us with scorn,
The Beaufighters say that we give them the horn,
And that is the reason we look all forlorn,
So back to our convoys and. take-offs at dawn.
Dinlcie Die, etc.
And after,the war there will be a parade,
The Navy, the Air Porce> and Army Brigade,
And right at the rear, well back in the shade,
Are the crews of the Beauforts the D.A.P. made,
Dinlcie Die, etc.
FAIEWELL SONG
75 Squadron Tunes
Thanks for the Memory
Thanks for the memory,
Of every bosker night, the feeling was just right,
We drank our beer in harmony, and leisurely got tight,
Oh thank you so muchJ
Thanks for the memory,
Les Jackson in the chair, good fellowship was there,
We ground-strafed lir Trouble, dropped two-fifties on old Care,
How lovely it wasJ
Remember the songs that you taught us,
And poor Angeline's rude adventure,
In your company we've a debenture,
And we want more of lfAh Hates WarJ".
Thanks for the memory,
Of many happy days, we liked each other's ways,
We drank the bottled sunshine and reflected all the rays,
Oh thank you so muchJ
Page 31•
as boys ws mm to school,
Tunes A Life on the Ocean Wave
As boys we went to school, where the teacher"taught us tricks,
Before she taught us our A»B.C, she taught us to play with our
pretty young maidens they were, they lay upon their backs,
They'd take it in their hands, and lead it right up their
Auntie Mary had two rabbits, and one of them was a buck,
She put then in a cage together, and taught them how to
Pry the fish for tea, with a touch of sanity,
It helps you answer nature's call, and makes you want to
Peter went out in a boat, and the boat began to rock,
One of the crew fell overboard, and a shark swam away with his
Cock-a-doodle-doo, what's it to do with you,
Leave it alone, and play with your own, and paddle your own
" canoe•
1 took my girl out fishing1 in a thing they called a punt,
The line got tangled round her legs, and the hook went up her
Country girls are nice, they teach you how to dance,
They cock their legs around your neck, and show their dirty
Ask Old Brown to tea, with all his family,
And if he won't come, we'll tickle his bum with a stick of
7 noil;/ tree.
OLD MOTHBH MUBPHY.
Old Mother Murphy, Queen of the fairies,
She's as clever as I don't know what.
She can balance two pennies on the ends of her dairies,
Bo a double somersault, and catch them in her twot#
Catch them in her twot, catch them in her twot,
Do a double somersault and catch them in her twot.
Mary in the garden sifting cinders,
Cocks her leg and farts like a man,
And when she farts she breaks all the windows,
And the cheeks of her arse go Bang, Bang, Bang J
Bang, Bang, Bang! Bang1, Bang, BangJ
And the cheeks of her arse go Bang, Bang, Bangi
Page 32•
TK5 OLD MAID SAT BY THE FIHBi.
The old maid sat by the fire,
The Tom cat sat beside her,
The old maid sat, by the old torn cat?
And she lifted up her dress a little higher.
She lifted up her dress a little higher,
She lifted up her dress a little higher,
The old maid sat by the old torn cat,
And she lifted up her dress a little higher,
'The cat for a rat did take it,
The cat for a rat did take it,
He made one spring at the old maidfe thing,
And by Christ, did he shake it,
And by Christ did he shake it,
And by Christ did he shake it,
Ho made one spring at the old maidfs thing1,
And by Christ did he shake it*
She screamed, she spat, she farted,
She screamed, she spat, she farted,
She made such a din that the neighbours rushed in,
And the cat and the cunt were parted*
The cat and the cunt were parted,
The cat and the cunt wore parted,
She made such a din that the neighbours rushed in,
And the cat and the cunt were parted*
They sent for a learned physician,
To tell of the woman's condition*
He said with a grunt, as he gazed at her cunt,
She's busted the fucking partition,
She's busted the fucking partition, (repeat)
He said with a grunt9 as he gazed at her cunt,
She's busted the fucking partition.
FATHERS SITTING ON 'TEE CIST^N,
Tune? John Brown's Body«
Father's sitting on the cistern,
Mother's playing with the chain,
irhon she accidentally pulled it,
Father went a gutsor down the drain*
Pago 33.
MfKOA BACK. (Hi; BACK.
I took uyj girl out fishing, in a thing they call a punt,
The lino got tr-n&l-d round ho:? logs, and the hook went up her
Whoa Back, Goo Back, Como and got your money back,
You know what I moan,
The "birds fly high; the "birds fly low,
The birds fly in between*
I took my girl to tho races, I sat her in a bo:£,
And all tho soldiers passing said ?l I hot she's got the »
TThoa Back, Goo Back, etc.
I took my girl to tho pictures, wo sat down in tho stalls,
Bho must have got edited, cos sho grabbed me by the
v7hoa. Back, Geo Back, etc.
1 took my girl to the theatre, we sat down in tho pit,
Before tho show was half waj through, I*d grabbed hor by tho
Whoa Back, Goo Back, etc*
I took my girl to a restaurant, On the menu thore was duck,
She said shofd rather go upstairs, and have a stand-up
WhQa Baaic, Gee Back, etc*
I took my girl out parking, I la-id hor on some bags,
But when I started fooling round, I found she had the
'■"Thoa Baok, Geo Back, etc*
SEE'S TIP THB FLT3E.
Tunes Johnnie's in Town*
I took young Sally, way down in our alloy,
I naughtied hor twice, loy Christ it was nice,
But I found it was folly, what I thought was jolly,
For now I must make her my wife,
And everybody cried ,r Shame y
Ho is tho one whors to blame, Oh Jesusi
She's up tho flue, she's up the flue,
Oh, Josus Christ Almighty, what shall I do?
I've tried pills and everything,
And now poor mo, I must bear tho consequences,
Hero comes hor Dad,
Won't ho bo mad,
I never know ho was so bad,
But if there's a miscarriage, there won't bo no marriage
To the girl 1 put up tho flue*
Pago 34•
THE MEMBER OF THE AI3 BOARD*
Times Hap as z Band*
Doesn't it hum f Tight as a drumj
Queen of all the fairies J
Ain't it a pity she!s only one titty,
To feed the baby on*
Poor little buggar, he'll never play rugger,
He isn't sufficiently strong*
When he gets older and bigger and bolder,
Hefll take himself in hand,
The reason why, the reason, why,
He'll never understand*
They tried him at the Admiralty,
They^ied him out on land and sea,
They tried him and tried him without success,
They extracted him out of mess after mess,
And then they made him a member of Air Board*
That is the truth, God bloody struth,
And in addition*
V/eak and untutored, he'll always be rooted?
He'll never take a trick,
At the Vic Barracks he'll always drink Tarax,
'Cos beer just makes him sick*
Attending each meeting of Air Board and bleating
The things he's told to say,
But, just the same, you111 see his name
As C.AoSa one day.
JTbr he's the type that gets along,
He doesn't know a thing so can't go wrong,
So, when there isn't a plane to fly,
Ho Kittyhawk or P.B.Y.
Bemember they made him a member of Air Board.
FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
Tunes Here We go fathering Nuts & May
A broker from the wool exchange came home one morn at five O'clock
And found his wife was chock-a-block,
At five o'clock in the morning...
Then began a hell of- a r-ace, round and round at a hell of a pace,
With one man's arse in the other man's face,
At five o'clock in the morning*______
He pulled out his knife so shiny and slick,
And swore he would cut off the other man's prick,
And this he did with a hell of a clicky
At five o'clock in the morning.______
They rang up an ambulance mighty slick,
They said they'd be round in half a tick,
But v/here was the cat that swallowed the prick?
At five o'clock in the morning*______
The moral of all this trouble and strife,
Is never to shag another man's wife.
Because if" you do you'll be buggared for life,
At five o'clock in the morning.
Pago 35*
TIT- BITS
Tune: Abdul, tho Bul-Bul Ajnoor
Tho People who county thoy all wont' to Rue Mount,
To a party where no-ono was bored*
And a sailor who came, wished to imprint his name,
In tho book that is kept by tho Lord.
A bit of a chit said she'd dangle hor tit*
In a bucket of frothy champagne,
And Little Boy Blue could have tho first chew,
fTwas really a Tory nice game.
Then having boon dipped, the nipple was sipped,
With gusto and later with vim,
But this boy from the soa, no sucker was he,
Tho grog made a boast out of him.
A perishing howl that came from her bowel,
Rolled forth from the maiden so sweet, .
As this hobblo—do-hoy, this frolicsome boy,
In her bobber sank thirty-two teeth,
And now as she sits with her odd sot of tits,
Bemoaning her loss and hor fate,
She wishes no doubt, with a fervour devout,
That ho!d licked, not her tit, but her date.
On the dock of a cruiser, far far to tho north,
A sailor lad drools at the mouth,
"■Then ho thinks of tho night whon he took a great bite,
From tho breast of a lady down South.
SONG PROM "LONDON DIARY"
uil ducic gavk Tin oiuonin"
Tunes John!s Brownfs Body*
11 Duce gave tho order to march against the foe,
And off to "'-Ithopia tho organ-grinders go,
But now thcy!ro back again, unfit for any sort of grind,
For they're back from Ethiopia with their organs left behind*
Thu hosts of Ethiopia return to hearth and homo,
With knick-knacks for tho mantlopioco, imported straight from Rome
Tho Pope is inundated now with pleas to join tho choir,
From men whose normal voices are now an octavo higher«
II Duce mounts the rostrum on the regiments return,
With anuunknown eunuch*s ashes in a noblo Roman urn?
ffFor some great gift of gratitude this great occasion calls,
What shall we give our heroes? And the heroes answered "BALLS"•
Page 36•
WERBIBEE MADGE,
\ 'Down at' Point Cook )
Down at Point Cook vrhoro the bullshit lies thick,
Down at Point Cook where the babies como quick,
It was there that I mot her, the girl I adore,
She's r/orriboo Hadgo, she's the Air Forecfe whore.
She's lousy, she's poxy, sho lives on the street,
Whenever you moot her she's always on heat,
She'll fuck for a doena, take loss, or take more,
She's 7erriboo Madge, she's the Air Forcdbwhoro*
She came down to Point Cook to sec all the boys,
To see if she couldn!t attend to their joys#
The C*0* was staggered, the officers bucked,
And Worriboo Madge she got properly fucked*
SWEET VIOLETS,
My brother wont into the woodshed,
Some wood ho wanted to split,
But when he grabbed hold of the handle,
Ho found it was covered with
Sweet Violets, sweeter than all the roses,
Covered all over from head to too,
Covered all over with snow#
My brother ho worked in a sower,
Some lamps they had to be lit,
One"evening there was an explosion,
And my brother was covered with
Sweet Violets, sweeter than all the roses etc.
Now baby was eating an apple,
They thought he had swallowed the pip,
But when they examined his nappy,
Thoy found it was covered in
Sweet Violet^ sweeter than all the roses, etc*
ALL THE LITTLE ANGELS
Tunes Poor Alice is a-wooping
All the little Angels ascend up, ascend up,
All the little Angels ascend up on high*
Ascend up, ascend up,
Which end up, AHSE END UP!
All the little angels ascend up on high.
Pago 37*
gffij BALLS OF O'L^AIlYt
~"T '^ ** 'A '* r ""^ao^ rpj^Q, Be 11b- of Sain-t Mary's
Tho balls of O'Loary,
ijo wrinkled and weary,
They're pimpled and hairy,
Like tho dome of St. Paul's*
But the people all muster *
To gaso at the clustery
Thoy gaze and stare at tho marvellous pair,
Of Q'Loary's halls.
HOME PKJSENTS A DISMAL PICTURE
Tunc; Through the night of
doubt and sorrow*
Homo presents a dismal picture#
Dark and gloomy as tho tomb,
Father has an anal stricture,
Mother's got a fallen womb*
Brother James has boon deported.
Bor a homosexual crime,
J0.nO our maid has just aborted,
For tho thirty second time.
Sis has chronic menstruation,
Never laughs and never smiles,
Mine's a bloody occupation,
Cracking ice for father's piles*
Aunty Kate has diarroohca,
Shits ten times more than she ought,
Stands all day beside the rear,
Lost she should bo taken short*
But wo must not be downhearted,
To must not be put about,
Cousin Susie has just farted,
Turned her arseholo inside out*
PLEASE DON'T BURN QUE SHITHOUSE DOWN
Oh, please don't burn our shithouso down,
Mother has promised to pay,
Fatherfs away on tho ocean wide,
And Kate's in the family way.
The boy, poor dear, has gonnoroah,
And times is fucking hard,
So if you bLirn our shithouso down,
We'll have to shit in the yard.
Pago 38•
When I was just a very young chap,
Nursie would take me upon her lap*
She was a very saucy young thing;
She'd lift up my nighty and play with my thing,
Singing nPeek-a«-bo, Peek>~a--bo,':
How she would waggle it to and fro,
That was a very long time ago,
I wish she'd come hack now and play Peek-a^-bo.
FAOEEH'S GRAY?,
They're digging up Father's grave to build a sewer, .
They're doing the job regardless of expense,
Thej^'re shifting his remains, to make way for some drains,
To titivate some toff's new residence.
Now Father in his day was not a quitter,
And I don't suppose He'll be a quitter now,
So when that job's complete, he'll haunt that shithouse seat,
And only them'11 shit as he&allow.
Now Blimey I Won't there be some constipation,
And won't those shit-bound toffs all bloody well rave,
But they!ll get what they deserve, what has the bleeding nerve
To fuck about a British workman's grave*
THE BAM OF DERBYSHIRE
Tunes The Perby Earn.
There was a ram of Derbyshire, who had a curious trick,
Of jumping over barbed wire gates, and he always bumped his lego
CHORUS. And if you don't believe me,
And think I'm telling7 a lie,
Just ask the girls of Derbyshire,
And they'll tell you the same as I#
This ram it had "two horns, Sir, and they were made of brass,
One grew out of his forehead, and one grew out of his ear*
CHORUS And if you don't believe me etc.
And when the ram was young, Sir, they kept him in a truck,
And all the girls of Derbyshire, came out to see him eat*
CHORUS And if you don't believe me, etc.
And when that ram was dead, Sir, they buried him in St. Paul's,
It took two men and a barrow, Sir, to carry one of his legs#
CHORUS And if you don't believe me, etc#
Page 39.
A DITTY OF A TITTY,
~~~ ~ Tunes Dinkie Die.
When sailers are babies, how sweetly they sit,
They suckle their' milk from their dear Ilother's tit,
And when they grow up they all sing this refrain,
"7e still love the titty if dipped in champagne"
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die,
';7e still love the titty if dipped in champagne.
One- night at a party a girl full of booze,
Said, "Drink from my titty, I!ve nothing to lose,"
And as he was sipping her titty so sweet,
The bastard got hungry and started to eat,
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die, etc.
He bit off her nipple, she started to bawl,
He spat it straight out and it stuck to the wall,
The last tha,t I heard it was still sticking there,
":7liich proves the old saying that "Sailors don't care11,
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die, etc.
They sent for the cops, he was landed in jail,
He got out next morning on very light bail,
The case was heard later before the police,
And the P.M. said "Sailor, you must keep the piece".
Dinkie Die, Dinkie Die, etc.
Ain BOARD L0V5S US (76 squadron Collection)
Tunes Jesus Loves Me.
Air Board loves us, this we know,
For the Grouper tells us so,
7e are weak and they are strong,
All P.O!s to them belong.
Yes, Air Board loves us,
Yes, Air Board loves us,
Yes, Air Board loves us,
They do, like Fucking' Hell.
LOU LOU ( 76 Squadron Collection)
Bang it into Lou Lou, Bang it good and strong,
What'11 we do for a Bang, Bang, Bang, When Lou Lou's dead and gone"
Some girls work in factories, some girls work in stores,
But Lou Lou works in a knocking shop with fourteen other whores.
Lou Lou had a baby, Lou Lou got a shock,
She Wouldn't call it Lou Lou, 'cos the bastard had a cock.
Page 40•
TABOO TAB IB
Tunes Mademoiselle from
Armentiores.
A British officer crossed the Hhine, Tabop Tabie (Twice)
A British officer crossed the Ilhine, to try the woman and drink the
Taboo, Tabie, Taboliky Ai, Taboo, Tabic•
/wine
Oh farmer, have you a daughter fair, Taboo, Tabie, (Twice)
Oh farmer, have you a daughter fair with lily white tits and golden
Taboo, Tabie, Taboliky Ai> Taboo, Tabie*
/hair
Oh nos my son, ahefs far too young, Taboo, Tabie (Twice)
Oh no, my son, she!s far too young to be fucked by any son of a
Taboo, Tabie, etc,
/ gun,
Oh, Father dear, I'm not too young, Taboo, Tabie, ('Twice)
Oh, Father dear, Ifm not too young, I've done it before and I think
Taboo, Tabie, etc.
/it's fun,
So up the stairs together they went, Taboo, Tabie? (Twice)
^o up the stall's together they went, and they rollicked away to
Taboo, Tabie, etc.
/ their hearts contentj
They rollicked all night and they rollicked all day, Taboo, Tabie
They rollicked all night and they rollicked all day, and the officer
Taboo, Tabie, etc* /rollicked his
bollocks away.
The first three months and all was well, Taboo, Tabie, (Twice)
The first three months and all was well, yes, all was well with
Taboo, Tabie, etc*
/ Mademoiselle,
The second three months she began to swell, Taboo, Tabie, (Twice)
The second three months she began to swell, and all was hell with
Taboo, Tabie, etc#
/ Mademoiselle,
The third three months she gave a grunt, Taboo, Tabie, (Twice)
The third throe months she gave'a grunt, and a little black nigger
Taboo, Tabie, etc. /hopped out of
her cunt,
The little black buggar, he grew and he grew, Taboo, Tabie, (Twice )
The little black buggar he grew and he grew, and he shagged his
Taboo, Tabie, etc. / mother
and sisters too
And now heTs dead and in his box, Taboo, Tabic (Twice)
And now heTs dead and in his box, he died of a hell of a load, of
Taboo, Tabie, Taboliky Ai, Taboo, Tabic, /
poz.
GENERAL SALUTE
Tunes B,A.A.F. General Salute
Spring to attention boy*s,
Here comes the Air Vice Marshal*,
Ho has lots of rings,
But he's only got one arsehole.
Page 41•
THS BLUB BLACK CHILD (Stephen's Song)
Tunes Early in the morning*
A maiden sat in a mountain glen,
Seducing her.solf with a fountain pen,
The capsule broke, and the ink flowed wild,
And she was delivered of a blue black child,
CHORUS And they called the bastard Stephen,
They called the bastard Stephen,
They called the bastard Stephen,
!Cos ho was a blue black child.
The maiden cried, "Why what a slip, '
My fountain pen I'll never dip",
For telling why, and how, and when,
Use Stephen!s Ink in a Stephenfs pen*
CHOHUS And they called the bastard Stephen etc*
THE HAIRS OH IU?R DICKY-IDIS-PO
If she was my daughter, I'd.have them cut shorter,
The hairs on her dicky-die-do hang down to her knees.
CHORUS* I know, rcos I've seen them,
I!ve been right up between them,
The hairs on her dicky-dic-do,
Hang down to her knees.
She lives on a mountain, and pees like a bloody fountain,
And the ^airs on her dicky-die-do etc*
One black one, one white one? one with a little bit of shit
And the hairs on her dicky-die-do etc, on,
She lives on a cattle ranch, and shits like a bloody avalanche,
The hairs on her dicky-die-do etc
OH, Mrs RILEY
Oh, lirs Riley, I want you for me wife,
I havenTt had a bang, bang,vln all me bloody life!
"Got out, you lying bastard, how dare you tell me so,
You only had a bang, bang, bang, just half and hour ago*"
CHORUS Half and hour ago, half an hour ago,
You only had a bang, bang, bang,
Just half and hour ago*
Page 42#
AN AIRIAM TOLD IT!.
Tunes Old 100th Psalnu
An airman told me before he died?
I donft know whether the bastard lied,
Mb matter how hard he tried?
His wife was never satisfied*
So he fashioned a tool of ten inch steely
Driven by a crank and a bloody great wheels-
Two brass balls ho filled with cream?
And the whole fucking issue was driven by steam.
Round and round wont that bloody great wheel?
In and out went tha,t tool of steel?
Till his wife with rapture cried?
"At last? at last? I'm satisfied"•
But? alack? alas? the biter Mtj
There was: no way of stopping it?
Her cunt into her rectum split?
Which proves that brevity!s the soul of witI
330701 THE DARK ALLEY WET"IiS SHE FOLLOWED ME«
The first time I mot her? she was all dressed in white?
All in white, all in white? I said "I'm free tonight"•
Down the dark alley where she followed mef
Followed me? followed me.
There were ham rolls? and jam rolls? and rissoles and wheels7
Down the dark alloy where she followed me,
| Blue. |
She said? "I'll come with you? e |
| Rod* |
I laid her on her bed? etc. |
| Black* |
I rolled her on her tack? etc* |
| Brown, |
I slipped her panties down? etc. |
| Pink, |
Godi How that lass did stink] |
| Green. |
I pushed it in between f |
| Yellow. |
She gave a fearful bellow, |
Heliotrope. I greased it with some soap?
| Rose. |
God? she was on the nosc^ |
| Buff. |
I'd put her up the duff? |
| Slate. |
We saw the magistrate? |
| Gray* |
Ten bob a week I pay, |
| Befco* |
Sao -rent baolt: on th^ stage, |
| Mauve. |
Shagged by some othor cove, |
Page 43 •
THE SONG OF TBDD GHMLIJI3
Tunes Stand "by your glasses
steady
Oh this is the song of the gremlins,
As told by the P.R.U.
Dolioved by few, not many,
But nevertheless it is true.
When you'i*e seven miles up in the Heavens,
And it's a ho11 of a lovely spot,
And it's fifteen degrees below zero,
Which isn't so bloody hot*
Oh, it's then that you see the Gremlins,
Green, Gamboge, and Gold,
Kale, female, and neuter,
Gremlins both young and old.
Oh, it's then that you see the Gremlins,
And the lessons you learnt on the Link,
Won't help you evade these Gremlins,
Though you boost, and you dive, and you jink©
Oh, the white ones will waggle your wing-tips,
Male ones will muddle your maps,
Green ones will guzzle your Glycol,
And females will flitter your flaps»
Pink ones will perch on your perspec,
They'll dance pirouettes on your prop,
And the spherical, middle aged Gremlin,
Will spin on your stick like a top.
Oh, they'll bond, and they'll break, and they'll batter,
They'll bite through your aileron wires,
And just lis you orbit to pa,ncako,
Stick hot toasting forks in your tyres•
Yes, this is the song of the Gremlins,
As told by the P.ReTJo
Believed by few, not many,
But nevertheless it is true.
COLD]
Cold a,s a frog in a half frozen pool,
Cold as the end of a. Laplander's tool,
Cold as an. Eskimo, gloomy and glum,
Cold as the hairs on a Polar Bear's bum,
Cold as the ice when it starts to thaw,
Cold as the love of an elderly whore,
Cold as Charity - and that's pretty chilly,
But none so cold as my girl-friend Tilly„
Pago 44•
A mmSOl^i YOUNG FAHL£)5.
Amos To Haricot, to Haricot
to 'buy a fat pig*
A handsome j^oung farmer once lived by aa school,
Alis handsome young man used to play with his
Vlarblos in the springtime with tho la,dy next-door,
You could toll by her actions that she was a
Very nico young lady, she'd lio on tho grass,
And when she turned over, you could see all her
Fashions and fancies, she could swim like a duck,
You could tell by her actions she know how to
Bring up young children to sew and to knit,
"Thilo the boys in the cow-shod wore shovelling
Hhavings and sawdust that lay on the floor
If you like my gay story, I111 toll you some more*
Sho wont to the market to buy a fat hog,
While tho farmer by the road-sido was having a
Look at some daisies that grow hy a rock,
And when sho approached, him, ho pulled out his
Wallot from his pocket, with a sly little grunt,
Ho sho lay down beside him, and showed him hor
Hand-bag and stockings - she was too shy to spoalc,
And so they got married, and live hy the crook.
KABY WAS A SI^MI GIBL
'Amos Bell Bottomed Trousers
Llary was a servant girl, she lived in Drury Lane,
Hex* mistress loved her dearly, and her mast ;r did the same,
One night there came to supper, a sailor from the sea,
And this was the beginning of Mary's misery.
Sho took him np a candle to light his way to bed,
Sie took him in a night-ca/p to put upon his head*
Poor quiet little I'iary, not thinking any harm,
Crept into bod beside him to keep his belly warm.
And when the following morning, the sailor he awoke,
He pulled from out his pocket a nico five-dollar note.
nTake this my darling' !.iary, for all the harm I!ve dono,
For soonor or later you'll have a daughter or a son.
"If it is a daughter, bounce her on your knee,
But if its a boy, send the bastard out to see.,
With a pair of good bell-bottoms and a suit of navy blue,
Then he can climb the rigging like his old man climbed up youV
nA warning, yos, a warning, a warning lot this be,
And neve- trust the Navy, an inch above your lenoo,
For if you do, my darling, you surely will rogret,
For he'll sail away and leave you with a "bastard for a pot.n
Page 45*
LILI HARLEMO
Underneath the lantern? by the barracks gate?
Darling I remember the way you used to wait,
'Twas there that you whispered? tenderly?
Thai you loved me? you'd always be?
Lly Lili of the lamplight? my own Lili Ilarlene*
Time would •ome for roll-call? time fox* us to part?
Darling I'd carress you and press you to my heart?
And there heath that far off lantern light?
I'd hold you tight? we'd kiss Goodnight?
My Lili of the lamplight? my own Lili Karlene*
Orders came for sailing somewhere over there?
All confined to Barracks was more than I could bear
I knew you were waiting in the street?
I heard your feet? but could not meet?
Ky Lili of the lamplight? my own Lili Ilarlene*
Resting in a billet? just behind the line?
Even tho' we're parted? your lips are close to mine
You wait where that lantern softly gleams?
Tour sweet face seems to haunt my dreams?
Ily Lili of the lamplight? my own Lili Marlene*
RED PLUSH BREETCHES,
John Thomas was a butler tall?
The pride of all the servant Ts hall?
Fox* he wore red plush breetches?
For he wore red. plush breetches?
What kept John Thomas warm*
Eliza was a maiden shy?
He eyed her with lascivious eye?
He leapt upon her with a cry?
He leapt upon her with a cry?
And rent those red plush breetches*
They found a chair to sit upon?
They found a bed to lie upon?
Eliza now sews buttons on?
Eliza now sews buttons on?
That pair of r tj plush breetches*
Eliza had an illegit-?
It's face was like a j>iece of shit?
She knows gust who to blame for it?
And everytime she looks at it?
She thinks of red plush breetches.
Page 46•
LADY WAS ASSESSING.
A lady was addressing, a-dressing for a ball,
Tlion she espied a tinker, pissing' up against a wall*
CHORUS With his "bloody great kidney wiper,
His bloody great kidney weed,
And half a yard of foreskin,
Hanging down below his knees*
The lady wrote a letter, and in it she did say,
I'lde rather hare a tinker than my old man any day,
CHORUS With his bloody, etc*
The tinker got the letter, and when it he d.id read,
3 began, to fester, and his pric]
CHORUS With his bloody, eto.
His balls began, to fester, and his prick began to bleed?
He mounted on his charger, he rode up to the Strand,
His balls across his shoulder, and his penis in his hand,
CHORUS With his bloody, etc.
He rode up to the mansion, he rode up to the Hall,
"My GodJn exclaimed the butler, nHe has come to fuck us alln
CHORUS With his bloody, etc*
He fucked the cook in the kitchen, he fucked the maid in the hall,
But when he fucked the butler was the dirtiest trick of all,
CHORUS With his bloody, etc*
And. then he fucked the mistress, in ten minutes she was dead,
With half a yard of foreskin hanging round about her head*
CHORUS With his bloody, etc*
The tinker now is dead, Sir, they say he's gone to Hell,
I bet he flicks the Devil, and I .bet he fucks him well,
CHORUS With his bloody, etc.
BABY'S SONG
Tunes Twinkle Twinkle<
When my prayers were early said,
Who tucked me in my iddle bed,
Mio.-spanked me arse till it was red?
Me Muaaerj
"Then me bum was nice and hot,
Who lifted me from cosy cot,
And set me on the ice cold pot?
He Hudder.
And when morning light had come,
And in bed I?d dribbled some?
Who wiped my tiny iddle bum?
Me Mudder.
Page 47-.
THE HOLE IN TH5 ELEPHANT'S BOTTOI:
My ambition1a to go on the stage?
And now my ambition I've gotten?
In pantomine I'm all the rage?
I'm the holo in the elephant's bottom,
CHORUS Up 'em all? Up !om all?
For the cream of society passes my way>
I'm the hole in the elephant's bottom*
Now the fellow who takes the front part?
His manners are perfectly rotten?
He simply does nothing but fart?
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom*
CHOHUS. Up 'cm all? etc*
The Manager says I'm all balls?
For orory time that I spot 'em?
I wink at the girls in the stallst
Through the holo in the elephant's bottom*
CHORUS Up !em all? etc*
My part hasn't got any words?
And so I have never forgot 'em?
I simply slip property turds?
Through the hole in the elephant's bottom*
CHORUS Up 'em all? etc.
POQB BLIND NELL,
Tune z
The moon shone on the village green?
It shone on poor blind Nell?
And did it light up her blind eyes?
It did? - like bloody Hell]
A sailor aame to that there town?
From right aboard the lugger?
And did he fuck our poor blind Nell?
He did? - The rotten buggar#
Ho laid her on a public bench?
The act was most unlawful?
The things he did to poor blind Nell?
Were something fucking awful.
He shagged hor till his prick was sore?
And balls as black as charcoal?
And did he marry poor blind Nell?
Ho did - Pig's Fucking ArseholeJ
Page 48•
117) IGH~.HO SAYS RCT/LSY
Traditional Tune
A is for arsoholo, all coverod in shit.
Hoigh-Ho says Rowley,
B is the "bastard who rove la in it,
With a Holey, Poley, up Tem and stuff 'em,
Heigh-Ho. says Anthony Rowley.
C is for cunt, all slimy with pis$,
D is the drunkard who gave it a kiss.
ID is for eunuch with only one ball,
F is for friar with no balls at all.
G is for gomiorrhooa, gout, and for gleat,
H is for harlot who's always on heat.
I for injection for clap, pox, and itch,
J is the jerk of the son of a bitch*
K is the knight who went to the war,
L is the lousy old pox-ridden whore *
M is the maiden all tattered and torn,
H is tho noblo who died with a horn.
0 is the orifice cunningly concealed*
P is the penis which stands ready peeled.
Q is the quakor who shat in his hat#
B is the Rajah who buggared his cat.
S is the shit-can all full to the brim,
T is the tura£ which is floating therein.
U is the usher who sat on a stool,
V is tho virgin who played with his tool.
W is tho whore who thought fucking a farce,
And XT and Z you can shove up your arse.
With a roley-poloy, up !em and stuff !em,
Heigh-Ho, says Anthony Rowley*
THE V.A.I.
Tune % Hardships•
What has got a funnel blue, Sampson posts, at least there's two,
Karsik, you bastards, you don't know your V.A.I.
Superstructure is dull greyi What's the name you have to sayy
Karsik, you bastards, you don't know your V.A.I.
The BURWAH has a counter stern, or so it usod to have,
The CANONBAR has changed, a bit, it has an outside lav,
Tho JANNSEN is I ! What's that you said?
A SWIMMING SUIT I God strike me dead!
Karsik, you bastards, you don't know your V.A.I.
Pago 49
WL1I1AWAY SONG
Tunos Bloss 'om All*
Thoy say there13 a Wirraway out on tho line,
Got fox" a cross country flight,
Hydraulics leaking and missing its revs,
Hoping to got there all right«
There's many a cylinder running a temp
Through having no oil in its wall*
With good navigation and much concentration
You111 get there and back, ~ Bless !em allJ
Chorus» Bless !em ally Bless 'em ally
From Darwin right up to Babaul.
Bless the instructors who taught us to fly,
Bless the C<>0» and the old C.F.I.
So we're saying goodbye to thorn all,.
Lot Wirras and Wagga recall,
The scones of emotion, when wo get promotion,
So cheer up my lads, bless Tem all»
Oh, Wirraways don't worry me, Wirraways don't worry mo,
Oil blowing bastards with flaps in their wings,
Buggarod up sparkplugs and buggarod up rings,
For we're saying goodbye to them all,
As back to their hangars they crawl,
There'll bo only elation and. wild celebration
When wo say goodbye to them all* Chorus#
Thoy say that the Japs have some very nice kites,
How we're no longer in doubt,
So if a Zero gets on to your tail,
This is just how to make outs —
Bo cheerful, bo careful, be calm and sedate,
And don't let your British blood boil,
And. don't hesitate, shove it right through the gate,
And you'll blind tho poor bastard with oil. Chorus.
How officers don't worry me, Officer don't worry mo,
Tight fitting trousers with strings down the side,
Bloody groat pockets with nothing insid.o«
And we're saying goodbye to them all,
As back to their dugouts they crawl,
Tou'll got no promotion this side of the ocean,
So cheer up my lads, bless 'em all. Chorus»
Now MPs they don't worry me, MPs they don't worry mo,
As by tho roadside thoy sit and thoy lark,
You can toll by their hands they do no bloody work,'
And we're saying goodbye to them all,
Their tickets, their armbands and. crawl,
They'll got no promotion this side of the ocean,
So cheer up my lads, bloss 'em all*
Mow Bis they don't worry mo, Bis they don't worry me,
On the parade ground they strut and thoy shout,
Fucking crude orders they know fuck all about,
So we're saying goodbye to them all,
As up tho COG arso they crawl,
They'll got no promotion this side of the ocean
So choer up my lads bless 'em all* Chorus.
Page 50
TE IxQI^SBY SONG
Tunes Dinkie Die
Now listen to me, hereTs a tale we can tell,
Of a -tropical cruise to the Moresby Hotel?
In the land of tho boongs where there's nothing' to do,
But the party was spoilt when the Japs came there too,
Came there too, came there too,
But the party was spoilt when the Japs came there too*
It was "Beat up the bastards" or else we were sunk,
Cos the Japs have a mind like a second rate skunk,
It was goodbye to us if Port Koresby should fall,
It was goodbye to women and drinking and all
'-king and all, '-king and all,
It was goodbye to women and drinking and all.
So we grabbed some P 40s and went to the fight,
But soon found the Japs had a nice little kite*
Its a bright shiny silver, and Zero by name,
But it makes a good show when it comes down aflame«
Sown a-flame, down a-flame,
But it makes a good show when it comes down a-flame.
Now the bombs dropped round us as we joined in the fray;
And we saw quite a lot of the Japs every day,
But he soon turned for home when he found what it means
•To annoy a poor bastard who's fed on baked beans•
Fed og. beans, fed on beans,
To annoy a poor bastard whofs fed on baked beans.
Now the newspapers tell of our squadron's success,
And Nippon has now many aeroplanes less,
But the papers don't say ho?/ the hell it was done,
Without our replacements at seven to one0
Sev'n to one, Sev'n to one,
Without our replacements at seven to one*
And then we went home for a beer and a rest,
And we stood in the pubs where the drink was the best.
But now we're back North just to pay off some debts,
And to make bloody sure that the Bising Sun sets.
That is sets, that it sets,
Yes J To make bloody sure that the Rising Sun sets.
THD WRSEMAID'S LATENT
Tunes Twinkle, Twinkle Litiie
ArseholeJ Shit J Rick J Piddle J BuggarJ Damn'.
/Star
Some bastard's stolen my bloody pram.
I don't care a buggar,
I'll go and get another.
ArseholeJ ShitJ PuckJ PiddleJ BuggarJ DamnJ
Some bastard's stolen my bloody pram.
Page 51
TIE POUR HARLOTS
Four harlots do?/n in Mexico were sitting down to dine,
The topic of conversation was nIs your twot "bigger than mine?"
Chorus* Oh tickle my arse, and buggar my tits,
And suck my slimy slue,
Rattle your nuts across my guts,
And join the po:xy crew*
The first one said, "Its mine, for mine's as big as the sea,
Ships sail in, and ships sail out, and rigging and mast go freeff«
The second one said, "Its mine, for mine's as big as the air,
Birds fly in, and birds fly out, and never disturb a hair1'*
The third one siad, "Its mine, for mine's as big as the moon,
Men go up for Hew Year's Bay, and don't come back till June",
The fourth one said, uIts mine, for mine's the biggest of all,
The rush of my monthly water is as big as Niagara Palln*
Chorus» Tickle my arse, etc*
071111 MOUNTAINS OP CAIHNS
Tunes The Mountains of llourne*
Oh Mary, this lielbourne's a wonderful place,
With Wineas and Groupers all over the place,
But the only staff officer Cairns ever greets
Is the one who complains of our dress in
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