Shitty Songs Of Sigma Chi (ΣΧ) Songbook (1962)

Please note that most of the songs below are not specific to Sigma Chi but are the shared drinking songs of most sororities & fraternities. If you haven't been drunk at a fraternity party, you will not understand these songs. If you know any songs from Sigma Chi and would like to set the record straight, please feel free to email me at

To verify the OCR below, you should download the PDF of the scanned pages of the original typescript.

Twas down in Twat valley
Where maidenheads grow
Where cocksuckers flourish
And the red river flows
Twas there I met Lulu
The girl I adore
That hare fucking c-o-o-cking sucking whore

Shell fuck you and suck you
She'll gnaw on your nuts
And if your not careful
She'll suck out your guts.

She'll fuck for a nickle
Take less or take more
That hard fucking c-o-o-ck-sucking
Mexican whore.

Now Lulu is [dead]
She lies in her tomb
The flies and the maggots
Crawl around in her womb

But from that dark region
She cries out for more
That hard fucking c-o-o-ck sucking
Mexican Whore

There once was a man from across the sea
And this is the tale he told to me
About a maid with twat so wide
She never could be satisfied

So they fashioned for her a big fucking wheel
With balls of brass and a big prick of steel
The balls of brass were filled with cream
And the whole fucking issue was run by steam

Around and around went the big fucking wheel
And in and out went the big prick of steel
Until at last the maid she cried
Enough enough I'm satisfied

But that was not the end of it
There was no way of stopping it
And the maid was split from twat to tit
And the whole fucking issue went up in shit

Oh, come all ye maidens
and listen to me
I'll tell you a tale
that will fill you with glee

About a young maiden
both tender and small
Who married a man
Who had no balls at all

The night of her wedding
She climbed into bed
Her cheeks were all rosy
Her lips were all red
She felt for his penis
His penis was small
She felt for his balls
He had no balls at all

Oh, Mother dear Mother
I wish I were dead
And lay in my grave
With my poor maiden-head
My troubles are many
My pleasures are small
For I've married a man
Who has no balls at all

Now daughter, dear daughter
Do not be so sad
For the very same thing
Was the matter with Dad
There's always a _______
To answer the call
Of the wife of the man
Who has no balls at all

Now daughter, dear daughter
took mother's advice
And found the proceeding
Exceedingly nice
A bouncing young baby
Was born in the fall
To the wife of the man
Who had no balls at all

The doctor examined
the baby that night
And swore up and down
He'd examined him right
The thing that was found
Most astounding of all
The babe had a penis
But no balls at all

If all the young maidens were little white rabbits
And I were a hare I would show them bad habits

rushes a'growing -- scythe I'd set a Mowing,
fish in the ocean -- a shark I'd raise a commotion
sheep in the clover -- a ram I'd ram them all over
little white vixens -- a fox I'd fuck 'em and fix 'em
grapes on the vine -- a plucker I'd have me a time
bells in a tower -- a sexton I'd bang out the hour
bricks in a pile -- a mason I'd lay them in style
fish in a pool -- a shark with a waterproof tool
B-29's -- a fighter I'd buzz their behinds
trees in a forest -- a woodsman I'd split their clitoris
flowers in a pasture -- a bee I'd leave them in rapture
bats in a steeple -- a bat there'd be more bats than people
statues of venus -- equipped with a petrifiedpenis
little white foxes -- a dog I'd snap at their boxes
diamonds and rubies -- a jeweler and polish their boobies
dishes and china -- a washer and wipe their vagina
camels in Egypt -- I'd ride 'em and hump 'em just like Joe Collegiate.
whales in the ocean -- a whaler and show them the motion.

Oh, why are we standing here singing about it
That is because we're doing without it

There was an old lady who lived on this street
Her passage was blocked up from to much to eat
She took stomach pills without reading the box
before she could strip turds were flying like rocks

She ran to the window, stuck out her ass
Just at that moment a cowboy did pass
He heard the strange noise so he gazed upon her
and a bloody big turd hit him right in the eye

O he ran to the east and he ran to the west
When a further consignment arrived on his chest
He fled to the north and he fled to the south
When a bloody big turd hit him right in the month

The next time yon walk over Blatt river bridge
look out for a cowhand asleep on the ridge
his chest bears a placard
where an are these words
Be kind to a cowboy whose blinded by turds

You can tell by the smell that she isn't feeling well
when the end of the month rolls around

You can tell by her walk that you'll sit around and talk
You can tell by her stench that she is a bleeding wench

You can tell by her eyes that there's blood between her thighs
You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out

My first trip to Canadian borders
My first trip to Canadian shores
Met a girl named Rosey O'Grady
Better known as the Winnipeg Whore

So we walked off arm in arm
To the place she used to sleep
Dirty old room with a straw-filled mattress
It wasn't very clean, but it sure was cheap.

She said "My man you look familiar"
Sat her ass down on my knee
How about a little loving
A dollar and a half is my fee.

We did it once, we dig it twice
Then we did it one time more
She gave a shout and her toes curled under
That was the end of Winnipeg Whore.

Way down on the prairie where cow plop is thick
Where women are women and cowpokes cum quick
There lived pretty Chariot the girl we adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's where. (Chorus)

She's dirty, she's vulgar, she spits in the street.
Why whenever you see her she's always in heat.
She'll lay for a dollar, take less of take more,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore. (Chorus)

One day in the canyon no pants on her quim
A rattlesnake saw her and flung himself in;
Chariot the Harlot gave cowboys the frights:
The only vagina that rattles and bites. (Chorus)

One day on the prairie while riding along
My seat in the saddle, the reins on my [d]ong,
Who should I meet but the girl I adore
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore. (Chorus)

I got off my pony, I reached for her crack
The damn thing Has rattling and biting me back.
I took out my pistol, I aimed for its head,
I missed the damned rattler and shot her instead. (Chorus)

Her funeral procession was 40 miles long
With a chorus of cowpunchers singing this song:
Here lies a young maiden who never kept score,
The pride of the prairie, the cowpuncher's whore. (Chorus)

Masturbate the Cry of Washington                      X
Masturbate the cry of Washington                      X
They're running it off by hand in mighty Washington.  X
The boys are there with balls                         X
To cream their over-alls                              X
It's harder to push them over the line               XXX
Than dawn for sixtynine                              XXX
Masturbate the cry of Washington!                   XXXXX
Horny Hand together with a STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!  XXXXX
And o'er the land                                   XXXXX

Oregon our alma mater
Where the men of steel are found
In the bushes, with the co-eds
Making love upon the ground
This goes on 'til early morning
When the cops break the fun
There'll be a military wedding
For the sons of Oregon!

High above Pacific's waters
Stinking to the sky
Stands a two-bit alma mater
Known as Westwood High.

Mighty campus, mighty buildings
Mighty trees and grass
You can take your mighty bruins
And shove them up your ass.

Cum stain our band
Where we run it off by hand
It's such a kick,
To masturbate without a prick

no twat,
See our vests
And be our guests
And slap it to the Harvard of the west!!!

Oh they had a little party down in Legport
There was Hairy, there was Mary? there was Grace
Oh they had a little party down in Legport
And Hairy came all over the place.

Oh they had to carry Hairy to the fairy
And the fairy carried Hairy to the shore
AM the reason that they had to carry Hairy to
Was that Hairy couldn't cum anymore. /the fairy

Prostitution, prostitution, fuck 'em till they cry
Rape 'em till they die
Prostitution, prostitution, fuck 'em twice or
know the reason why.

And when the fuck is over, we will buy a box of s[...]
And fuck for California til it dribbles off our chin

So fuck, tra-la-la, fuck tra-la-la

Fuck, fuck, fucked last night
Fucked the night before
Gonna fuck tonite like I never fucked before
For when I fuck I'm as happy as can be
For I am a member of the Hose family.

Now the Hose family is the best family
That ever came over from old Spermany
There's the anterior fuck and the posterior fuck
The interior fuck and the A-SUC.

Sing glorious, victorious, one big cunt for the four of us
Sing glory be to IBM that there are no more of us
For one of us could eat it all alone. DAMN NEARZZ

Here's to the foreskins, GET FUCKED!!!!!!!
The horny pricks

Down by the River Pardee,Pardee
Down by the River Pardee
Where nothing is heard but the slush of a turd
Down by the River Pardee

There once was a young man named Dan
Who was an extraordinary man
When he got excited
His prick extrscited
And stretched from Burma to Siam

There was a young girl from Leeds
Who swallowed a package of seeds
All kinds of grass
Grew out of her ass
And her twat was covered with weeds

There was a young lady from Istwich
Who took grain to a mill to make grist
But a miller named Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they pissed with

There was a young man from Van Horn
Who never should have been born
But when his dad shoved it in
The rubber was thin
And in one little place it was worn

There was a young man named McRawls
Who did his act in town halls
His favorite trick
Was to spit on his prick
And slide off the stage on his balls

There wag a young lady from Carolina
Who had a teasatat for a vagina
She could lay all day
With a man in Bombay
While soliciting in Plina

There was a young lady from Azores
Whose cunt was covered with sores
Not a dog in the street
Would touch the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
Stroking the ass of his madam
He rolled over in mirth
'Cause he knew on all earth
There were only two balls, and he had'm

There once was a man named Jossil
Who found an interesting fossil
He could tell by the bend
And the knot in the end
'Twas the penis of Paul the Apostle

There was a young lady named Ostel
Whose parents thought they had lost her
But out on the grass
Was the print of her ass
And the knees of the man who had crossed her

There was an old man from Rangoon
Who was born by the light of the moon
He had not the luck
To be born of a fuck
But a wet dream scraped up with a spoon

There once was a girl from Seattle
Who delighted in sucking off cattle
Then a bull from the South
Want off in her mouth
And made her ovaries rattle

A luscious young thing named Miss Trevor
Was cute and exceedingly clever
To damp her beau's ardor
She put pins in her garter
And spiked the poor fellow's endeavor

There was a young lady from France
Who walked down the Bus de la Cane
She met a young Turk
Mho got in good work
And now she can't button her pants

There once was a Scot named McGerkin
Who was constantly jerkin' his gherkin
His wife said, "McGerkin,
Quit jerkin' your gherkin
You're shirkin' your ferkin'
YOU BASTARD" (nt)

There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat of erection
Caused a reaction
And wore all his foreskin away

There was a young man named McGee
Who buggered an ape in a tree
The result was most horrid
Three balls and a purple goatee.

There was a young lady from Thrace
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace
Her mother said "Nelly
There's more in your belly
Than ever got in through your face".

There was a young lady named Ransom
Who was fucked six times by a handsome
As she lay on the floor
Panting for more
He said, "My names Simpson, not Sampson"

There was a young lady from Sydney
Who could take it clear up to her kidney
But a man from Quebec
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a big one, didn't he?

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose prick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it"

There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine
Concave or convex
It would take cither sex
Amusing itself in between

There was a young man from Clyde
Who went in a shithouse and died
And then there's his brother
Who died in another
And now they're interred side by aide.

There was a young girl from Pantucket
Who went to hell in a bucket
Who, when asked for a fare
Pulled her dress in the air
And aald, "Play with it, kiss it, or fuck it.

There once was a young wan from Lagora
Whose cock was one inch and no more
It was good for key holes
and little girls' peaholes
But no good for fucking a whore.

There was a young lady from York
Who was greatly adverse to the stork
But no matter how firm,
she feared no dick sperm
For she plugged it up first with a cork

There once was a girl from Dallas
Who used dynamite for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her torso in Buckingham Palace

There was a couple named Kelly
Who was found stuck belly to belly
They had in their haste
Used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly

There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said,"I'll admit,
"I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save.

There once was a girl in France
Who boarded a train in a trance
The engineer fucked her
As did the conductor
And the firman went off in his pants

There was a young from old Sparta
Who was a phenomenal farta
He could fart anything
From God Save the Queen
To Beethoven's Sonata

He could fart a Gavotte for a starter
Then the theme from the cof'ee [?] Cantata
He would boom from his ass
Bach's B Minor Mass
And in counterpoint La Travia ta

There once was a man from Bel Air
Who tried to bugger a bear
But the beast was a brute
Took a swipe at his root
And left nothing but testes and hair

The wife of a young man named Bolt
Has a sense of humor most droll
To a masquerade ball
He wore nothing at all
And backed in as a Parker House Roll

There was a young glrl from Calcutta
Who used to screw in the gutter
The sun was so hot
That it melted her twat
And the milk in her tits turned to butter

There once was a girl named Brewer
Who said nobody could screw her
Alone came a fink
With a cast iron dink
And rammed it all the way through her

From the staid stone walls of St. Giles
Came a scream that was heard for miles
Said a monk, "Goodness Gracious
I fear Brother Ignatius
Has forgotten the Rector has piles

There was a man from Iraq
Who played the bass viol with his cock
With massive erections
He rendered selections
From Johan Sebastian Bach

There was a young man from Boston
Who bought hisself a new Austin
Had had room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
Rut his balls hung out and he lost 'em

There once was a farmer named Fritz
Who planed Bob's Acres tits
They cam up that fall
Pink nipples and all
And by spring he had chewed them to bits

There once was a gal from Milpitas
Who had a great yen for coitus
And her athlete friend
Han an itch on his end
So now she has athletea fostus

There once was a girl from Mobile
Who had a cunt of crucible steel
Her greatest sex thrill
Was a rotary drill
And off-center emery wheels

A magnificent lady from Worchester
Once dreamed that a film star seduced her
She awakened to find
It was all in her mind
Just a lump in the mattress that gorcestor

A charmer from Amarillo
Sick of finding strange feads on her pillow
Decided one day
That to keep men away
She must stiff up her crevice with Brillo

There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was fucking his wife on the stair
The bannister broke
He doubled his stroke
And polished her off in mid air

On the chest of a tout named Gall
Was tattooed the price of her tail
For the sake of the blind
On her behind
Was the very same thing in braille

There was a fairy named McGoon
Who went to a Lesbian's room
They were up half the night
Having a hell of a fight
Deciding who was to do what to whom

There once was a man named Grost
Whose relations was with a ghost
He said with a spasm
At the height of Orgasm
I think I can feel it -- almost

There once was a pirate named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

There was a young girl from Detroit
Who at fucking was quite aireit
She could contract her vagina
To a pin point or fina'
Or enlarge it to the size of a quoit

There was a young lady from Brussels
Accused of wearing two bustles
She said, "It's not true
It's a thing I wouldn't do
You're simply observing large muscles

There was a young lady named Cager
Who, as the result of a wager,
Consented to fart
The (w)hole oboe
To Mozart's Quartet in F Major.

In the shade of the old apple tree
A pair of fine legs I can see
A little red dot
With a hole on the top
It looked like a tarbrush to me

In the shade of the old apple tree
That's where karen first showed it to me
It was hairy and black
She called it her crack
But it looked like a subway to me

So I pulled out my pride of New York
It fitted in like like a cork
And I said, Oh lady don't scream
While I dish out the cream

In the shade of the old apple tree
I could have fucked all night
I could have fucked all night
And still have fucked some more
I could have spread my legs
And laid a thousand eggs
I'd never laid before

I'll never know what made it so exciting
But all at once my cock was high.
I only know when she
Began to piss on me
I could have fucked, fucked,
FUCKED all night

Next Thanksgiving, next Thanksgiving
Don't eat bread, don't eat bread
Shove it up the turkey, shove it up the turkey
EAT THE BIRD, EAT THE BIRD !!!

Born in a whore house, raised like a slave
Drinking and fucking are all that I crave
Smashing in windows, breaking down doors
Calling old ladies, chicken-shit whores
Come on old lady, bring me a toddy
I want to go out and duck everybody
Beautiful hooker, lay down for me
Since I'm your pimp, I'll do it for free.

There once were two girls from Birmingham
And this is a story concerning them
They lifted the frock
And diddled the cock
of the Bishop who was confirmin' them

This Bishop was no fool
He had been to Divinity school
He whipped down their britches
And diddled these bitches
With the tip of his Episcopal tool

There once was a guy named John
Who was blessed with a very small dong
He looked kind of cute
As he diddled his root
For none of the girls helped him along.

A guy named Dale from the city
Used to play with Andrea's titty
He said with a shock
As he knocked it right off
Goddamn but that titty was shitty.

There once was a guy named Thor
Whose cock was terribly sore
Was Felice cornholed last night
Or did he just take a bite
Of that thing that stuck through t[he] do[or.]

There once was a guy named Ron
Who used to root in the John
He stuck it right in 'em
And said with conviction
Wish Helen would suck an my dong

A couple of boys were whooping it up in one of those Youkon halls;
While the boy handling the music box was scratching his balls.
The Faro Kid had his hand on the box of a lady known as Lou,
And there on the floor, on top of a whore, was dangerous Dan McGrew
When out of the night as black as a bitch and into the din and smoke
Came a shaky old prick right up from the crick with a rusty old load in his poke
He elbowed his way through the flea bitten crowd with his hand at the crotch of his pants
He looked like a man with a dose of the clap and the last stages of St. Vitus Dance
His britches were split and covered with spit; it looked like the white of an egg

His balls hung low and swung too and fro every time he moved a leg
His face was as red as a baboon's ass as the passion within him burned
He rolled out his cock to display to the flock, and every asshole squirmed
The lights went out. I ducked to the floor. The stranger sprang in the dark

His aim wag true and the sparks they flew as the donicker found its mark
The wind it blew and the shit it flew as I looked around the room
There were sighs and moans and farts and groans, and six bodies
Lay stacked in the gloom
The lights case on and the stranger arose with a satisfied look on his pan;

Sweet Antoinette, your pants are wet
You say it's sweat; it's cum I'll bet
In all my dreams you bare as gleems.
You're the wrecker of my pecker.
Sweet Antoinette.

By the light, of a flickering match
I saw her snatch,
by the light of the match,
Well, Well,
By the light of the flickering match
I heard her scream,
I saw it steam,
I burned her snatch - -
With my flickering match!!!

There once was a man named Lance
Who chanced to cum in his pants
He said with a pout
As he whipped it right out
God Damn, it's all covered with ants.

There once was a guy named Boa
Who was always yellen for moa
He begged for Jill
Cause she took the pill
And they groveled around on the
floor

There once was a guy named Nick
Who had people suck on his dick
One day it got to him
That someone had chewed him
And had ripped up 5 inches of prick

There once was a guy named Chuck
Who always yearned for a fuck
One night after supper
He rammed it right up her
Now Trixie's big as a truck

There once was guy named Fred
Who had no use for a bed
He said with glee
As he slapped his knee
I'd rather whip it instead!!

Here's to Madge, that rotten bitch
Her cunt is lined with a seven year itch
Between her toes, green matter grows
And from her nose, corruption flows
Before I climb those scaly logs
or suck those festered teats
I'd drink a gallon of buzzard puke
and die of drizzily shits

Well I've fucked in France and I've
fucked in Spain
And I was the chief fucker
on the Battleship Maine
And when I dies, my tombstone will read
Here lies a human fucking machine
O cunt, O cunt, thy deep dark and
bottomless pit
All covered with hair and matted shit
Like a pole cat's ass, thou smelt so bad
But cunt, O cunt, thou will be had!

Some girls work in factories
Some girls work in stores
But Lulu works in a little house
With forty other whores

I wish I was a ring
Upon my Lulu's hand
And everytime she scratched her ass
I'd see the promised land

I wish I was an apple
A-hanging on a tree
And every time that Lulu passed
She'd take a bit of ma

My name is Pancho Villa
I have the ghonorra
I got it from Maria
She gave it to me free-a
And now I cannot pee-a

Down from the hills
came corkscrew Dick
Born to the world
with a spiral prick
All over the world
he did hunt
For a refined young lady
with a spiral cunt

And when he found her
he dropped dead
For the sweet young thing
had a lefthand thread.

Let me call you sweetheart
I'm in love with you
Let me pinch your titties
Til they're black and blue
Let me scratch your pussy
Till its filled with goo
Let's play hide the wienie
In your old wazoo.

YOU CAN TELL BY HER WALK
SHE'S ONLY OUT TO TALK
YOU CAN TELL BY HER EYES
THAT THERE' BLOOD
BETWEEN HER THIGHS

Oh, the cardinals bo damned boys
The cardinals be damned
The cardinals be damned boys
The cardinals be damned

If any Stanford son-of-a-bitch
Don't like the blue and gold
He can pucker up his rosy lips
And kiss the bear's asshole

Oh, I'm just a prostitute from Stanford
And I fuck for fifty cents
I'll lay my ass upon the grass
My pants upon the fence

I'll lick your slimey belly
I'll suck your cook with glee
But get off me you son-of-a-bitch
If you're from USC

Oh here's to turncoat Ralston [John Ralston (Football Coach '63-'71)]
the dirty son-of-&-bitch
We hope he dies of syphilis
Combined with seven year itch

If you take his prick as radius
And project his balls in space
You can prove by the law of limits
That his asshole's in his face

Oh listen all ye maidens
Oh listen close to me
Don't ever trust a Stanford man
An inch above your knee

He'll take you down to Stanford
And fill you full of fizz
And before the night is over
Your maiden head is his

If we ever find a Stanford man
Within our sacred walls
We'll take him down to Menlo Park
And amputate his balls

And if that doesn't fix him
I'll tell you what we'll do
We'll stuff his ass with broken glass
And seal it up with glue

If I had a prick of steel
And balls of shiny brass
I'd find a marble statue
And ram it up her ass

Just to breed a race of giants
To roam throughout the land
And to swell the night chorus
Of the cardinals be damned

Last night I stayed at home to masturbate
It was so nice! I did it twice!
Last night I stayed up late to pull my pud
It felt so good! I knew it would
You should see me working on the short strokes
I use my hand. It's simply grand
You should see me working on the long strokes
I use my feet. It's really neat
Smash it! Bash it! Beat it on the floor
Smite it! Bite it! Beat it on the floor
I have some friends who seem to think that a fuck is simply grand
But for all around enjoyment I prefer it in the hand.

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The Lamb was sure to go

It followed her to the barn one day
for eggs she was to hunt
It stuck its nose beneath her clothes
To get a whiff of cunt

Now Many was a naughty girl
And didn't give a damn
She let him have another whiff
And killed the God damned lamb.

High above a Pi Phi's garter
High above her knee
Lies the key to Pi Phi success
Her virginity

Once she had it
Now she's lost it
It is gone for good
She goes down for all the brothers like a Pi Phi should

Lift her dress
But do it gently
Lay her on the grass
Often are the times I've dreamed of
a piece of Pi Phi ass

Was it you who did the pushin'
Put the stains upon the cushin'
Foot prints on the dashboard upside-down
Was it you whose sly wood pecker
Got into my girl Rebeker
If it was you better leave this fuckin' town.

Yes it was me who did the pushin'
Left the stains upon the cushin'
Foot prints upon the dashboard upside down
But since I got into your daughter
I've had trouble passing water
And I think we're even all around.

Hail to Leland Stanford
Loyal man and true
His pecker measured half an [inch]
His only ball was blue.

If any a Stanford son of bit[ch]
Should enter in our walls
We'll take him to Menlo Park
And amputate his balls.

(Put them all together and they spell Mother
Thats what I think I am going to be)

(Put them all together and they spell Father,
But you'11 never pin that title dear on me)

Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a penny
She said for that you won't get any

Chorus: Well come and tie my root around a tree- 'round a tree
Well come and tie my root around a tree- 'round a tree

Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a nickel
She said for that you won't even get a tickle

Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a dime
She said for that you're wasting your time

Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a quarter
She said: "Young man I'm a minister's daughter"

Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a half
She didn't even talk, she just started to laugh

Well I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a dollar
She took my hand and she put it in her collar

So I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a five
She said come inside and we'll see if you're alive

Well I rode her standing and I rode her lying
If I had wings I'd have rode her flying

Then I went to the doctor cause my gun was sore
Good Lord said the Doctor, It's the same damn whore

You can put away your holster and you can put away your gun
Your bullets been breached and your shootings all done

Well the last time I seen her and I haven't seen her since
She was hustling a ball through a barbed wire fence

Who's that knocking at my door
Who's that knocking at my door
Who's that knocking at my door
Cried the fair young maiden

It's only me from across the sea
Cried Barnacle Bill, the sailor
It's only me from across the sea
Cried Barnacle Bill, the sailor

Sittin' in O'Reilly's bar, telling tales of blood and slaughter
Came the thought into my mind, why not shag O'Reilly's daughter
Tiddily-i-ay, tiddily-i-ay, tiddily-i-ay for the one balled Reilly
Rig-a-dig-dig, balls and all, rub-adub-dub, shag on!!
I grabbed that she-bitch by the tits, then I swung my left leg over
Shag, shag, shag some more, shags until the fun was over

There came a knocking at my door, who should it he but her Goddamned father
Two horse pistols by his side, looking for the guy who shagged his daughter
I grabbed that bastard by the balls, shoved his head in a pail of water
Rammed those pistols up his ass, damn sight faster than I shagged his daughter
As I go walking down the street people shout from every corner
THERE'S THE DIRTY SON-OF-A-BITCH! the guy who shagged O'Reilly's daughter.

We sailed on the good ship Venus
My God you should have seen us
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast was an upright penis

The Captain's name was Morgon
A homosexual gorgon
He'd sit all day
On the deck and play
With his reproductive organ

The cabin boy's name was Chipper
The dirty little nipper
He lined his ass
With broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

The captain's wife was Charlott
By god she was a Harlot
Her thighs at night
Were lilly white
By morning they were scarlet

The cooks wife was Mable
By god was she ever able
She gave the crew
Their weekly screw
Under the chartroom table

The Goddamn Captain's brother
He wasn't fit to shovel shit
From one hole to another!

Though it weighted not penny weight more
It was bought on the morn
Of the day that he was born
And was always his pleasure and pride
But it stopped/short/never to cum again
When the old man died.

He took hher to the village square
And then he went and made her there
He took her to the countryside

And fucked and fucked until she died
He took her to the burial ground
And thought he'd go another round

Oh it's wine, wine, wine that makes you feel so fine
On the farm, on the farm
Oh it's wine, wine, wine that makes you feel so fine
On the Lelard Stanford junior farm
My eyes are dim, I cannot see
I have HEY not HO brought my specs with me

Similarly: Beer; cheer for queer)
ale; hale
brandy; dandy
rum; bum
rye; spry
liquid; wicked
coca; loco
whisky; frisky corn; glad your born
coke; choke champaign; gives you a pain
gin; sin hot roast duck; fuck
port; sport tea; pee
vermouth; uncouth
muscatel; feel like hell

The big black bull came down from the mountain
CHARDAWN, HUGH CHARDAWN(subst. name
The big black bull came down from the mountain
Long time ago.

HERE'S TO RAPE, RIOT AND REVOLUTION!
MAY PROSTITUTION FLOURISH AND
SON-OF-A-BITCH BECOME A HOUSEHOLD
WORD. (segue into ring-ading-ding)

Ring-ading-a-ding ( 3 times)
Blow it out your ass
Better days are coming by and by.