Below is the raw text of the USC marching band Cyber Hymenal.
If you wish to verify the text, download the original
HTML files. which were downloaded from
www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Midfield/3418 on 11 July 2006.
USC-TMB, TGMBITHOTU
CYBER HYMENAL
brought to you by members of the Lyre Staph
This is dedicated to
The great Trojan Bandsmen
Of yesteryear.
May The Tradition Fight On!
Home
FUCLA/FUGLY (Sons of California)
High up in the hills of Westwood,
Sprawled offensive to the eye,
Lies the Cal extension campus
Known as Westwood High (high, high, high!)
Home of all the Bruin bear cubs,
UGLY is its name.
The student body's vile,
The football team's a pile,
and the Campus is a shame!
U (clap, clap, clap) G (clap, clap, clap)
L (clap, clap, clap) Y (clap, clap, clap)
U G L Y eat my shorts!
Bruins are a bunch of faggots
Songgirls are a bunch of sluts
When they spread their legs so wide,
They look like garbage trucks.
GOOD FOOD!
When we all go out to Westwood,
Bruins are so gay.
Each Bruin in the Band,
His unit in his hand,
Will whack the night away!
U (whack, whack, whack) G (whack, whack, whack)
L (whack, whack, whack) Y (whack, whack, whack)
U G L Y eat my shorts!
Cade McNown is a fucking asshole.
Williams sucks a lot of dicks.
When they tackle other guys,
They try to grab their pricks
(watch out!)
When the Bruins break the huddle,
Pants will come back up.
Each Bruin in the squad
Will surely shoot his wad
Right in McNown's mouth!
U (clap, clap, clap) Eat (clap, clap, clap)
Cade (clap, clap, clap) Out (clap, clap, clap)
You eat Cade out, he's a fag!
In the locker room at halftime,
Bruins give each other head.
They congratulate their coach
By taking him to bed
(Gay sex!)
On the bus back out to Westwood
They will fornicate.
The captain of the team ,
Is often heard to scream,
"Oh Toledo, that's great!"
U (x,x,x) G (x,x,x) L (x,x,x) Y (x,x,x)
FUCLA/FUGLY (Freshman Version)
Bruins are a bunch of sissies,
Songgirls are a bunch of slobs,
When they do their dance routines,
They're always out of step.
(Oh no!)
When we all go out to Westwood,
Bruins aren't very nice.
Each Bruin in the band,
His horn in his hand,
Will mess up all the notes!
U (nyah, nyah, nyah) G (nanner, nanner, nanner)
L (pooh, pooh, pooh on you!) Y (so's your old man!)
U G L Y
Eat Shit and Fuck off!
BRUIN BANDIES (The Mighty Bruins)
We are the bruin bandies
We haven't got a clue.
When Gordon tells us to play loud
We don't know what to do.
It's not because we're stupid, ("Yes it is!")
It's not because of luck. ("You suck!")
Life's a drag when your a fag,
Especially when you suck!
You (clap, clap, clap) Suck (clap, clap, clap)
So (clap, clap, clap) Bad (clap, clap, clap)
You-Suck-So-Bad-I-Might-Puke!
Fuck all the bruin bandies.
In Westwood they're all gay.
They fuck each other in the ass,
They know no other way.
And every bruin woman's a
Bulldyke, slut, or whore.
And the team is heard to scream
"Oh, Toledo, suck me more!"
Eat-Shit-Die-Bruins!
CAL FIGHT SONG
("Taps" Bridge)
The Dirty golden bear
Is losing all his hair.
His teeth are out, he's got the gout
He don't know what it's all about.
His eyes are made of glass
He's losing all his class
So take your golden teddy bear
And shove it up your golden ass!
("Taps" Bridge)
The dirty golden bear
Has dirty pubic hair
His dick is dead, he's got no head
He cannot get it up in bed.
He tries to use his hand,
But cannot find his gland.
So you will find him jerking off The U.C. Berkeley band!
NOTRE DAME FIGHT SONG
Ara is gone but Dan was Devine
Now Hackett's team will kick Bob's behind
When the Irish take the field,
Their blood runs cold
And they get killed.
Their golden dome is made out of brass.
Their marching band just sits on its ass.
And the leprechaun is queer.
In heaven there is no beer.
Come all ye perverts, queers and a likes,
We'll make the Irish eat out the dykes.
Broomsticks, dildoes we're all game
We're gonna gang bang old Notre Dame!
Robbers, rapists, muggers and thieves
At Notre Dame get A.A. degrees.
And the leprechaun is queer.
In heaven there is no beer.
Cheer! Cheer! For Paul Hackett's back
You bring the rum and I'll bring the Jack
Send a sophomore out for gin,
Don't let a sober senior in!
We never falter, we never fall
We sober up on grain alcohol
When we yell we YELL LIKE HELL
for the glory of old 'SC!
In heaven there is no beer,
That's why we drink it here
And when we're gone from here,
All our friends will be drinking all our beer!
STANFORD FIGHT SONG
Dear Stanford U.,
Your red and white is always screwed.
Dear Stanford U.,
Your indian's a faggot too.
Dear Stanford sluts,
You've got a case of you-know-what (clap, clap)
No matter what you do,
It's stuck with you,
So keep your ass away from us!
Come bite the gland,
Caress the organ with your hand.
Pull on your cock,
Until it gets hard as a rock. (rock, rock, rock)
Let it arise
Until it stares you in the eyes. (don't blink!)
Beat it, stroke it,
Bite it, smoke it,
Hold it tightly til the fire dies!
WASHINGTON FIGHT SONG
Bow wow to Washington.
Bow wow to Washington.
Heaven help the slobs of Washington,
They're failing on their knees at mighty Washington.
Their band is here to play, but only for the pay
They never sign the dotted line without a Chevrolet
Subsidy's the cry of Washington.
They never win a game without a referee!
And o'er the land,
The greasy band will lead a trail to Washington forever
Bow wow to Washington
Bow wow to Washington
They're the fags of mighty Washington.
The husky is their mascot there at Washington.
They take the little mutt, and fuck it up the butt.
They take their meat and ram it deep, the bitch is just a slut.
And after jacking off it licks their cum,
And that's when they break out the vaseline.
Then stroke by stroke
They ram and poke that husky just as if it were their mother.
D.O.G.S..F.U.C.K..Y.O.U
OKLAHOMA FIGHT SONG (Boomer Sooner)
Can you smell that foul aroma?
It's the hick from Oklahoma.
Let them try to use the wishbone,
They will never see the endzone.
Came in wagons 'cross the prairies,
All their mothers came from dairies,
And their fathers raped the cattle
And their offspring joined the band.
(cheer)
O K U Get a clue, We hate you!
(sing)
Better dead than Sooner red,
On Sooner heads our team will tread!
(cheer)
Get a fight song, this one sucks!
Barry Switzer likes his ass torn
By a raging Texas Longhorn.
Every Sunday at his leisure,
Fucks his grandpa to a seizure.
All the songgirls chew tobacco
And their cunts suck like a black hole.
Far removed from all reality,
They engage in beastiality.
When the yellfish suck the front line,
And the front line sucks the halfbacks,
Then the halfbacks suck the head coach,
And the whole band simply sucks!
(cheer)
0 Fuck U, 0 K U, Is it true
(sing)
That you rape little piggies,
Rape little chickens,
Rape little puppies,
Suck off ducks?
(cheer)
Eat my butt out with a fork!
Fuck you! Assholes! Y'all.
MICHIGAN FIGHT SONG (The Victors)
Why do they call them victors?
Why do they call them champions?
Why, why, Because they finally
Got to come West.
Each time they Pasadena,
They always get their ass kicked.
That's why the Wolverines
Are only second best.
Hail to the mother fuckers,
Hail to the big cocksuckers,
Hail, Hail to Michigan
Who gave us Art the fart.
Hail to the penis beaters,
Hail to the crab clit eaters,
Hail, hail to Michigan
They're really fags at heart.
Why do they call him Arthur?
Why do they call him Bartner?
Everyone know's his name is
Really Al Goldstein!
Art is a mother fucker.
Art is a big cocksucker.
Art is the biggest dick since
Ayatollah died.
And Ayatollah was a really big dick!
OHIO STATE FIGHT SONG
Take a bow, Ohio State,
For firing what's-his-name.
You think you can pass now, but
We'll beat you just the same!
Schlicter thinks he's got so much class
What'll he think when he's on his ass?
Hail, hail to Michigan,
That's the team that should be here now!
Hide your boys, Ohio State,
Is getting set to come.
If you want a butt fuck,
They will show you how it's done.
Buckeye boys show so little class
Sex to them's a pain in the ass.
Hail, hail to Woody Hayes,
He's the biggest they've had in years!
TEXAS A & M AGGIES (Yogi Bear)
We are the members of the Kiddie Corps
We go down the field marching 8 to 4
If we do a show you think you've seen before,
Chances are you have, but we don't know any more!
Please send us your boys, you know we can't refuse.
We will sodomize any but black and Jews
They're the ones that we just love to fill with booze
Then we like to suck them til their balls start to ooze!
BITE ON (Fight On)
Bite on, for old A.B.
And you will find a cavity
Where cocksmen brave have drilled
And Trojans' gallant sperm has spilled
For old A.B.
Bite on for old A.B.
Bite on!
RAPE ON (Fight On, 3rd Chorus)
Rape on, for old SC
And fuck some sheep for ecstasy!
Eat out and cleavage fuck
And get some wench to come and suck
Your cock until
It comes into her mouth
Her moooouth! (5 count note)
ESTHER
Down in cunt valley where red rivers flow,
Where cocksuckers flourish and whoremongers go,
There I met Esther, the girl I adore.
She's my hot-fucking, cock-sucking Trojan Band whore!
Chorus:
She'll blow you, she'll fuck you, she'll gnaw on your nuts
She'll wrap her legs round you and squeeze out your guts
She'll wrap her legs round you til you scream for more (more, more, more)
She's my hot-fucking, cock-sucking Trojan Band whore!
Now, Esther began at the young age of eight
While swinging upon the old garden gate
The crossbar went down and the upright went in.
And Esther began her long life of sin!
Chorus
Now, Esther is dead and she lies in her tomb
While maggots and cockroaches crawl in her womb
Esther, oh Esther, oh why did you die?
I'd rather eat Esther than blueberry pie! (and I love blueberry pie!)
Chorus
CARDINALS BE DAMNED
(Rambling Wreck from Georgia Tech)
I wish I had a prick of steel
And balls made out of brass.
I'd find a marble statue
And ram it up its ass
And breed a race of giants
To rule throughout the land
And sing another chorus
Of Cardinals Be Damned!
Chorus:
Oh, Cardinals be damned, boys,
Cardinals be damned!
Cardinals be damned, boys,
Cardinals be damned!
And any Stanford son-of-a-bitch
Who doesn't like the Trojan brass
Can pucker up his rosy lips
And kiss my Trojan ass!
Oh, Harvard's run by Princeton
And Princeton's run by Yale
Yale is run by Vasser
And Vasser's run by tail
And Stanford's run on stud-horse piss
And if you think I lie,
We'll take a trip to Menlo
Where you'll see the same as I!
(repeat chorus)
If I had a daughter, I tell you what I'd do
I'd send her off to Stanford
Where she'd never learn to screw!
But if I had a son,
It would be different then, you see
I'd teach him how to drink and fuck and send him to SC!
(repeat chorus)
HERE'S TO DR. BARTNER
(Rambling Wreck from Georgia Tech)
Oh, here's to Dr. Bartner, the dirty son-of-a-bitch!
We hope he dies with the case of the clap
Along with the seven year itch!
For he's a dirty bastard, from a dirty, dirty race
By the laws of gravitation, his ass should be his face!
So, if we see the peckerface around our sacred halls,
We'll take him down to B-19 and lacerate his balls!
And if he doesn't like it, I'll tell you what we'll do
We'll cram his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue!
Here's to Dr. Bartner, a heck of a peach of a guy!
He always gives a hundred percent and never tells a lie.(bullshit!)
For he's a great director from a truly outstanding school.
For a guy who's in his fifties, he's really pretty cool.
He always treats us fairly, he always lends a hand.
He'd sacrifice his wife and kids for the Trojan Marching Band! (he did!)
And if he should be modest, and say it isn't true,
We'll cram his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue!
Oh, here's to Dr. Bartner, a heck of a son-of-a-bitch!
He always gives a hundred percent and dies of the seven year itch
For he's a great director from a dirty, dirty race.
For a guy who's in his fifties, his ass should be his face!
He always treats us fairly around our sacred halls,
He'd sacrifice his wife and kids and lacerate his balls.
And if he should be modest, I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll cram his ass with broken glass and seal it up with glue!
HERE'S TO TONY FOX (Who?)
Oh here's to Tony Fox, the man with no respect.
We hope he gets an office, along with a student desk.
For he is still a student, searching for a degree.
By the laws of Arnold Schoenburg his arrangements simply suck!
HERE'S TO GREG MICHEALS (The Fag)
Oh here's to Greg Micheals, the man who wears a dress.
Asked his sexuality, a fag he will confess.
For he's a homosexual, from a frat called Theta Xi.
When he's in a fix for a fuck, "Oh Art, please morel" he'll cry.
Oh when he blows his whistle, he does it with such skill.
With all the cocks he sucks at night, you'd think he's on the pill
What he wears beneath his skirt, he never will reveal.
The way the trumpets look at his ass, you know they want a feel.
HERE'S TO DOREEN BUTLER (The Wench)
Oh, here's to Doreen Butler the ugly, tanless witch.
We'll continue to rag on her, cuz she's still a slimey bitch.
When she was our leader, testing was her way.
She always made you take a lap, regardless of how you played.
If you mention Seattle, she'll drop to the floor.
For she slept with a Husky in the summer of eighty-four.
And now that she's tried many a kind, she's finally seen the light.
She only screws her good ole pal, a lesbie called Sue Wright.
HERE'S TO RICHARD ITO (The Man, The Tuba, The Legend)
When you hear a bump note that sounds really out of place,
Look over to the bass line where you'll see a grinning face,
There you'll find a tuba who has blown his way to fame.
If you haven't heard of him, Ito is his name.
Oh, here's to Richard Ito the man who takes the blame.
If you hear a peddle tone, the tubas cry his name.
And if you think it'll stick with him, you better think again.
For this slant-eyed buddahead is a T M B legend.
Ito never takes a lap, he's never run a mile.
When he glides in front of Art, it only makes Art smile.
How he gets away with it we really want to know.
He's gone throughout his whole career without pointing a toe.
Now Richard has a fetish when you happen to mention food.
When it comes to rice and such, he's always in the mood.
For he's man who's gonna grow with his healthy appetite.
When you carry a sousaphone there is no eating light.
EVERYONE'S COMING ON MOSES (Everything's Coming Up Roses)
In his mouth, down his chin
There is no place the cum can't get in
He's a fag, so is Jeff
Everyone's coming on Moses!
Up his nose, in his ears
It's amazing how it disappears!
Up his ass it will pass
Everyone's coming on Moses!
Moses
Knows his
Bod's a magnet for cum
When he
Shows his,
People will cum on his toeses!
Businessmen, folks in Band
End up shooting their wad in his hand
Will it stop? No one knows
Hear it drop from his clothes
And add to the big puddle on the floor!
Because
Eve-ry-one's co-ming on
Eve-ry-one's co-ming on
Moses' nose, his toes, his clothes, his hose, yeah!
THE USC VIRGIN
She was a virgin in her freshman year
She was a virgin with her conscience clear
She never smoked nor drank
nor necked nor pet
She was the sweetheart of the campus you can bet!
Until she met a man from old SC
Who took away her virginity
He pumped her once! twice!
God, it was nice!
Now she's the mother of an A.C.B.!
SHEILA (Billboard March)
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sheila.
Sheila who?
She loves a gang bang, she always will
Because a gang bang gives her such a thrill
When she was younger and in her prime,
She used to gang bang all the time.
But now she's older and turning gray
She only gang bangs twice a day!
G-A-N-G-B-A-N-G
Gang bang! Gang bang! Rah!
ANITA
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anita.
Anita who?
I need a blowjob, I always do
Because I just can't fuck the likes of you
Your cunt is rancid, and full of scabs
I bet you'd even give me crabs!
KENNY
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Kenny.
Kenny who?
Can he give cunt licks, or use his hand?
Because I cannot fuck his shriveled gland
It's always flaccid and way too small
And then I can't feel it at all!
His cock is putrid from fucking sheep
He can't even come once a week!
C-U-N-T-L-I-C-K
Cunt lick! Cunt lick! Eat me out Rah!
DON'T BE A LEADER, BE AN ASSHOLE!!
Don't be a leader, be an asshole
And you'll get more respect that way
Don't be a well-behaving dipshit
Everyone will think you're gay!
Don't take no shit from Arthur Bartner
Don't let him think he's oversized
You know, we're all potential problems
Potential should be realized!
So be an asshole not a leader
Don't be afraid, go all the way!
'Cause if you really are an asshole,
Then you're a leader anyway!
SIT ON MY FACE (Red River Valley)
Come and sit on my face if you love me
Come and sit of my face if you care
Let me eat out your red river valley
Let me tangle my teeth in your hair!
ROLL ME OVER
Chorus:
Roll me over in the clover
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again
And now it's number one
And the fun has just begun
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again
Chorus
And now it's number two
And my hand is on her shoe
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again
Chorus
three...my hand is on her knee
four ... we're down there on the floor
five ... you know I'm deep inside
six ... I've got her in a fix
seven ... I feel like I'm in heaven
eight ... the doctor's at the gate
nine ... the baby's doing fine
ten ... we'll do it all again
I PUT MY HAND (When Johnny Comes Marching Home)
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho
I put my hand upon her toe
She said, "Little boy, you're much too low!
Get it in, get it out, quit fuckin' about!"
Yo ho, yo ho.
I put my hand upon her knee (etc. as above)
She said, "Little boy, you're teasin' me...
I put my hand upon her thigh ...
She said, "Little boy, you're makin' me sigh ...
I put my hand upon her breast ...
She said, "Little boy, you're missin' the best
I put my hand upon her twat ...
She said, "Little boy, you're makin' me hot...
I put my cock into her mouth ...
She said, "Blmmmbimmbimmmblmmmmmm! ..."
And now she lies in an old pine box ...
She couldn't handle a TROJAN BAND COCK!!!
TAKE ME OUT FOR A BALL, DAME
Take me out for a ball, dame
Take me out for a screw
Buy me some rubbers and Vaseline
I don't care it I never come clean!
So it's ream, ream, ream til your teeth gleam
If I don't score it's a shame
For it's one, two, three strokes I'm in
At the old ball, dame!
LAST NIGHT
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so grand! I used my hand.
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so neat! I used my feet.
Beat it, stroke it,
Slam it on the floor.
Wrap it 'round the bedpost
Twenty times or more! (fine)
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
It felt so nice, I did it twice.
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated
I'm such a man -- I come by hand!
Some people think that fornication is so grand
But I would rather stay at home
And do the job by hand!
(D.C. al fine)
BIG TITS (I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing)
I dreamt I saw big tits last night
As big as life can be
Says I, "Big tits, you're ten feet long,
You're big externally.
"My magic sheets, they lured you in
You came upon my bed.
So ivory white your bosoms were,
Your nipples cardinal red."
Chorus:
They're the biggest things (those tits!!)
That I ever saw (those giant tits!!)
Those big mammaries (oh, boobs!!)
They're the biggest things (what a set of jugs!!)
Says I, "Big tits, if you should go,
I'll never feel the same."
Says she, "My dear, don't bullshit me,
It wasn't you that came!"
I dreamt I saw big tits last night
As big as life can be
From time to time I'll think of her,
I'll keep those mammaries!
Chorus
SOUND OFF
I don't know, but it's been told
An eskimo's pussy is mighty cold!
Sound off -- Eat shit!
Sound off -- Douche bag!
Eat shit, douche bag, suck off -- Fuck you!
I don't know but it's been said,
A Stanford squaw is good in bed!
chorus
Cal bear is on the rag,
Stanford indian is a fag.
chorus
PUT ANOTHER OVUM IN HER UTERUS
(Sheriff John's Birthday Song)
Put another ovum in her uterus
Her uterus, her uterus
Out her cunt it goes right from her uterus
She's another month old today!
We'll have some pie and tampaxes
And rich menstruation too.
We'll slurp and glurp the day away
And there's one more thing we're gonna do...
We'll spit and pick the blood from out between our teeth,
Under our tongue, and from our nose.
We'll never chew or eat a juicy clitoris
Oh that bloody, fishy-smelling day!
Ovulation, hooray!
She's another month old today!
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK MY BUTT (Row, Row, Row Your Boat)
Fuck, fuck, fuck my butt,
Fill my ass with cream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a wet dream!
Suck, suck, suck my cock,
Give me screaming skulll
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a ball!
YOU CAN TELL (As The Caissons Go Rolling Along)
You can tell by the smell
That she isn't feeling well
As the end of the month rolls around
You can tell by the blotch
That she's got a leaky crotch
As the end of the month rolls around
So it's Hi Hi Hee in the Kotex factory
Shout out your sizes loud and clear ...
Small ... medium ... large ... extra absorbent... BALE O'HAY!!!
So it's Hi Hi Hee in the Kotex factory
When the end of the month rolls around
(Keep 'em bleeding!)
When the end of the month rolls around!
You can tell by the stain
That she's in a lot of pain
You can tell by her stance
She's got cotton in her pants ...
You can tell by her pain
You'll be beating off again ...
You can tell by the string
She's got something up her thing..
You can tell by the flood
That she's losing lots of blood ...
You can tell by her walk
That tonight you'll only talk.
You can tell by the stench
That she's a bloody wench ...
You can tell by her pout
That her eggs are failing out.
SCREW ME SLOW (Let it Snow)
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
But your dick is so delightful
And since there's no place to go,
Screw me slow, screw me slow, screw me slow!
Oh, you don't show signs of stoppin'
And by now, you've got me hoppin'
And since you don't have to go,
Screw me slow, screw me slow, screw me slow!
When you peter is clear in sight,
How it throbs with a lovely red glow!
But when I really hold it tight,
See how much more it will grow!
Oh, my pussy is slowly dying
And my dear, you still keep trying
And now since I've seen it grow,
Screw me slow, screw me slow, screw me slow!
AND NOW FOR SOME SACRILEGE...
(Has anybody seen my gal?)
Five foot nine, from Palestine,
Changes water into wine --
Has anybody seen my Lord?
He's so neat, he's so cool
As he walks across my swimming pool!
Has anybody see my Lord?
Oh, if you run into, a five foot Jew
Loaded with hair,
With a view from Calgary,
You can bet he's got his cross to bear!
Holes in his hands, holes in his feet,
Three days later back on the street ...
Has anybody seen my Lord?
Just cast an eye in his direction..
Oh me oh my ... a resurrection!
Holes in his hands, holes in his feet,
Three days later back on the street
Has anybody seen my Lord?
TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
12 tiny twats
11 lesbian tickers
10 dirty douches
9 gnawed off nipples
8 elegant assholes
7 semen samples
6 sacks of shit
FIVE ..... MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!
4 flopping whores
3 flying fucks
2 brass balls
And a hand job in a hair tree!
CHECK THE BALLS (Deck the Halls)
Check the balls on that big collie
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Suck his cock and make him jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Down I go, what more can be said?
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Here he comes, now give him more head
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
BLACK CHRISTMAS (White Christmas)
I'm dreaming of a Black Christmas
To let those jive-town honkies know
When the switchblades glisten,
The roaches listen
To hear blood drip in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a Black Christmas
With every bomb threat that I write.
May your days be gloomy and dark
And you next door neighbor be a narc!
BIG PENIS (White Christmas)
I'm dreaming of your big penis
Just like the one I used to know.
One that glows and glistens
And then it stiffens--
Oh, Lord, I love to watch it grow!
I'm dreaming of your big penis
And every thrust you'll give to me.
May your fucks be lasting and tight
And you be laid each morning, noon and night.
WILD WEST SHOW
Chorus:
We're off to see the Wild West Show
The elephants and kangaroos
No matter what the weather,
As long as we're together
We're off to see the Wild West Show!
Speaker: In this corner we have the tattooed lady!
Group: The Tattooed lady?
Amazing!
Fantastic!
No shit!
Tell us about the mother fucker!
S: The tattooed lady has a W tattooed on the inside of one thigh and a W
tattooed on the inside of the other thigh and when she does cartwheels, it says
"WOW, MOM, WOW!"
Chorus
The Bengal Tiger ... the only pussy that eats you!
The Oh No Bird ... whose genitals hang lower that its feet. When it comes in
for a landing, it screams, "Ohhh Nooo!"
The Tattooed lady's sister ... she has Christmas tattooed on the inside of
one thigh and New Year's tattooed on the inside of the other thigh. She'd just
love to have you up between the holidays.
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USC-TMB, TGMBITHOTU
CYBER HYMENAL
Part 2
brought to you by members of the Lyre Staph
Home
AY Yi Yi Yi (Cielito Lindo)
Ay yi yi yi
Freshmen never eat pussy!
So here comes another verse
That's worse than the other verse
So waltz me around by my willie!
(spoken)
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long, he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it"
Chorus
Substitute your own limericks ....
For example:
Three lovely young girls from St. Thomas
Would frequent nightclubs in pajamas.
They were fondled all summer
By sax, bass, and drummer
I'm suprised that by now they're not mamas!
Alternate 2nd lines for the chorus:
Your mother sucks flies through screen doors
Your sister's in love with a carrot
Your father refills cream donuts
Your mother swims out after troop ships
Your mother does cartwheels on doorknobs
Witches eat bat shit off cave walls
Your mother plays helicopter on parking meters
MISCELLANEOUS CHEERS
Ritty Titty Rat Fuck
Cunt, Clit, Twat.
Sixtynine assholes
Tied in a knot.
Gonorrhea, Piorrhea.
Syphillis, Snot.
Bite, Suck,
Gobble Nibble Chew.
We're the Trojan Marching Band,
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
Lean to the left ....
Lean to the right ...
Stand up, Sit down
ON MY FACE!
Secant, Tangent,
Cosine, Sine.
Logarithim, Algorithim,
Hyperbolic Sine.
Three point one four one five nine.
C'mon defense, HOLD THAT LINE!
One two, Fuck You.
Three four, you're a whore,
Five six, suck dick.
Seven eight, masturbate!
Nine ten, FUCK YOU AGAIN!!
One two, Fuck You.
Three four, Fuck You.
Five six, Fuck You.
Seven eight, Fuck You.
Nine ten, FUCK YOU!!
Broken Rubber,
Misconception .....
C'mon defense, INTERCEPTION!
Mercury, Mars,
Earth, Venus..
We got the _______
By the ...... HEAD!!
YOUNG AND HARD (Young at Heart)
Phallic tales can come true
You can always get screwed
If you're young did hard.
With each clit that you tease,
You'll become more at ease
If you're young and hard.
If you go to extremes,
She may rip at the seams
Ttiink of what a surprise
When she sees your big rise!
And here is the best part:
You have a ...."head" start
If you are among the very
Young and hard!!
OVER THE STOMACH (Over the River)
Over the stomach and thru the legs,
It's up in my twat you go!
Your dick knows the way
To make me feel gay
Then it's more I want and soooooo ......
Over the stomach and thru the legs,
Oh, jump on me right now!
I.'ll scream and moan and make you groan
As into my twat you go!
GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL VAGINA
(Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow)
There's a great big beautiful vagina
Shining at the end of every leg
There's a great big beautiful vagina
And the hymen is just an inch away!
First you spread the two legs apart,
Then you dive right in, don't muff your start.
If it slips in with the greatest of ease,
You know she's lost her virginity!
There's a great big beautiful vagina
Dripping at the end of every leg
There's a great big beautiful vagina
And it's just a lay away!
SASAFRASS (Ta Ra Ra Boom De Ay)
I got a pal named Sasafrass
She had pimples on her butt
Some is big and some is small
Some you can hardly see at all
Ta ra ra boom de ay, etc.
As a freshmen, she was pure
'Till the dean came 'round on tour
He was such a lousy lover
That he made a mother of her!
Ta ra ra boom de ay, etc.
When she was a sophomore
She became a working whore
Fifty cents was all they'd pay
For a blow job or a lay
Ta ra ra boom de ay, etc.
As a junior, she would shrink
'Till they taught her hoe to drink
Then they'd fill her up with gin
Son anyone could put it in
Ta ra ra boom de ay, etc.
As a senior, after class,
She was selling instant ass
She was soon expelled from school
For cumming in the swimming pool!
Ta ra ra boom de ay, etc.
MY FAVORITE THINGS
Gang bangs and poontangs and vaseline jelly,
Fucking and sucking and sperm on her belly,
Boxes of dildos tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Stroking and blowing and chewing and eating,
She'll take my huge cock
And give it a beating
Her legs wrapped 'round me,
They seem just to cling
These are a few of my favorite things
When she fucks me,
When she sucks me,
When we're on the floor,
I'll simply grab hold
Of her nice, dripping twat
And then she will say, "Once more!"
TWELVE INCH HARD ON
(I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover)
I've got a start on a 12" hard on
That I've had all afternoon
Went to the doctor, he told me to cough
I wish that he would have whacked it right off!
Come to me, Venus, massage my penis
And shrivel it like a prune
'Cause I've got a start on a 12" hard on
I'll probably have til June, til June
I'll probably have til June!
ART'S HARD ON
Art's got a start on a 2" hard on
He won't even have til noon
Went to the doctor, he said it was small
He said that he could just add one more ball
Come to me, Venus, and find Art's penis
With tweezers if you can (Where is it?)
'Cause Art's got a start on a 2" hard on
That won't even last til noon, til noon
It won't even last til noon (it's getting smaller)
It won't even last til noon!
NOTHIN' COULD BE FINER
Nothin' could be finer than to
Be in her vagina in the morning!
Nothin' could be sweeter
Than her lips around my peter
In the morning!
If I had Aladdin's lamp
For only a Day,
I'd have her sit upon my face
And this is what I'd say:
"Nothin' could be finer
Than to be in her vagina
In the morning!"
JED CLAMPET (Beverly Hillbillies)
Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer, always kept his wife in bed
Then one day, when he was shootin' at some food ...
And up through her cunt came a bubblin' crude
(blood, that is, menstruation, liquid people!)
Well the first thing you know, ol' Jed was in 'er hair
Then she said, "Jed, stick your cock in there!"
She said, "My vagina is the place you oughta be."
So he pumped her fifty times and raised a family!
BARNACLE BALLS
Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door?
Said the fair young maiden
It's me and my crew
And we've come for a screw
Said Barnacle Balls the sailor (repeat)
What if I don't let you in?
What if I don't let you in?
What if I don't let you in?
Said the fair young maiden
I'll pick the lock
With my ten foot cock
Said Barnacle Balls the sailor (repeat)
What it I should rip and bleed? ...
Well, spread your legs
And I'll eat your eggs ...
What if I should get V.D.?...
I'll light a match
And burn your snatch ...
What if I should have a child? ...
I'll dig a ditch
And bury the bitch ...
What if mother should find out?...
If Mom agrees,
We'll make it threes ...
What it you should go to jail? ...
I'll light a fart and blow it apart ...
YESTERDAY
Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now I guess that blister's here to stay
I wish I'd stayed home yesterday.
Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a rash that's spreading over me
I got burned yesterday.
Why she let it go I don't know
She wouldn't say
Don't say, "I told you so!"
Boy, I blew it yesterday!
EAT MY BUTT OUT (Hallelujah Chorus)
Chorus:
Eat my butt out
Eat my butt out
Eat my butt out, eat my butt out
Eat out of my butt
Please lick my sweaty balls,
They're so dirty
(they're so dirty, they're so dirty
they're so dirty, they're so dirty)
Please eat my crusty ass,
It's so mushy
(it's so mushy, it's so mushy
it's so mushy, it's so mushy)
Chorus
PUBIC HAIR (Baby Face)
Pubic hair,
You've got the cutest patch of pubic hair
I say no other can hope to compare
To your pubic hair
Penis or vagina,
Nothing could be finer than your
Pubic hair
Oh, I'm in heaven when I'm in you underwear!
I never need a shove to get a mouthful of
Your delicious pubic hair!
SWING LOW
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
I looked over Jordan
And what did I see?
Comin' for to carry me home
A band of Angels comin' after me,
Comin' for to carry me home.
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin' for to carry me home
(Lyre Staph Note: Seems innocent enough, does it? Ask an old member to show
you the versions for the deaf, hard of hearing and blind!)
DANCE A LITTLE BIT
Dance a little bit,
Fuck a little bit,
Follow the Band.
Follow the Band
With your balls in your hand singing
Dance a little bit,
Fuck a little bit,
Follow the band.
Follow them all the way home!
My father's a _____.
A _____ , a _____,
A mighty fine _____ is he!
All day he ______ ______,
He _____ _____, he ______ _____,
And when he comes home, he _____ me.
Examples:
postman
postman, postman
postman
licks stamps
licks stamps, licks stamps
licks
baker
baker,baker
baker
creams puffs
creams puffs,creams puffs
creams
Milkman.....milks cows
Freshman....fucks up
Oilman......drills wells
PEEL BACK (My Bonnie lies over the ocean)
My oneskin lies over my twoskin,
My twoskin lies over my three,
My threeskin lies over my foreskin,
So peel back my foreskin for me!
Peel back, peel back,
Peel back my foreskin for me, for me!
Peel back, peel back,
Peel back my foreskin for me!
My vodka lies over my pizza,
My pizza lies over my peas,
My peas lie over my tennis shoes,
So peel back my barf bag for me!
Peel back, peel back,
Peel back my barf bag for me, for me!
Peel back, peel back,
Peel back my barf bag for me!
THE GIRL I WANNA MARRY
She's a great big bitch.
Twice the size of me
She's got hair on her pussy
Like the branches of a tree
Chorus:
She can swim, fish, fight, fuck,
Roll around, and drive a truck
That's the kind of girl I want to marry
She can squash me like a grape
In between her fat rolls
She can do a double flip
off the nipple of her tit
Chorus
She can shoot green peas
Out her dirty asshole
She can spread white bread
With the jam between her toes
Chorus
She can brew dark beer
With her yeastie beasties
She can pop a bottle top
With the flick of her clit
Chorus
B-A-Double R-Y (H-A-Double R-I-G-A-N)
B-A-Double R-Y, my name is Barry,
I'm the one they all call fairy,
Between my legs it's not very hairy.
B-A-Double R-Y, Barry is my name,
I'm the man of the hour,
Don't bend over in the shower,
Barry is my name!
A SILK IN THE TMB (A Hole In the Bottom of the Sea)
There's a silk in the TMB
There's a silk in the TMB
There's a silk ...
There's a silk ...
There's a silk in the TMB!
There's a hole in the silk in the TMB
There's a hole in the silk in the TMB
There's a silk ...
There's a silk ...
There's a silk in the TMB!
There's a dick in the hole in the silk in the TMB
Etc., etc.
Keep building until you have:
There's a lice on the crab on the hair on the wart on the dick in the hole in
the silk in the TMB
There's a lice on the crab on the hair on the wart on the dick in the hole in
the silk in the TMB
There's a silk ...
There's a silk ...
There's a silk in the TMB!
BAND LORE LIMERICK
David Shipman (ASSHOLE)
A helmet young David had taken
Ere he found himself suddenly achin'
When the poor little shit
By some tubas was hit
And one of his legs started breakin'
(But the fag sued and got $75,000!)
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