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Bastard King of England  

Oh, the minstrels sing of an English King,
Who lived long years ago,
Who ruled his land with an iron hand,
But his mind was weak and low.
He used to hunt the royal stag, within the royal wood,
But better than this he loved the bliss of pulling his royal pud.

Chorus :

He was dirty and lousy and covered in fleas,
His terrible tool hung down to his knees,
God save the bastard King of England.

The Queen of Spain was an amorous dame,
And a silly old witch was she,
For she longed to fool with his majesty's tool,
So far across the sea.
So she sent a royal message, with a royal messenger,
Inviting the king to bring his ding,
And spend the week with her.

When news of this reached Philip of France,
He swore before his court,
"The Queen prefers my rival because my dork is short."
So he sent the Duke of Zippety-Zap,
To slip the Queen a dose of clap,
To pass it on to the bastard King of England.
 

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===== Buy the CDs for the full lyrics ====
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• Ron & The Rude Boys
  •   Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 1  
    • Joke [Circumcision]  Time: 0:38
    • The Lobster  Time: 2:30
    • The Alphabet [aka Hey Ho Says Rolly, aka The ABC Song]  Time: 2:40
    • The Engineer  Time: 3:34
    • Balls of Kerrymuir  Time: 3:38
    • Whoredean  Time: 3:36
    • Ring the Bell Verger  Time: 2:28
    • Barnacle Bill  Time: 4:39
    • Thrashing Machine  Time: 3:17
    • Dinah  Time: 1:57
    • Sailor Boy  Time: 0:45
    • Cats On The Rooftops  Time: 4:05
    • In Mobile  Time: 3:33
    • Black Bull Came Down From The Mountain  Time: 2:48
    • Alluette  Time: 5:02
    • Three German Officers  Time: 3:18
    • All Queers Together [aka The Sexual Life of the Camel]  Time: 4:24
    • Sing Us Another (1)  Time: 4:22
    • Red Flag  Time: 1:37
  •   Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 2  
    • Joke [Parents Deaf & Mute]  Time: 1:26
    • No Balls At All  Time: 2:06
    • Kathusalem  Time: 3:25
    • John Brown's Prick  Time: 1:49
    • Drive It On [aka I Gave Her Inches One]  Time: 3:20
    • Good Ship Venus  Time: 3:56
    • Fuck 'em all  Time: 1:03
    • Lydia Pink  Time: 2:49
    • Roll me over  Time: 3:27
    • She Was Poor But Honest  Time: 4:47
    • Life Presents a Dismal Picture  Time: 2:07
    • Virgin Sturgeon  Time: 1:41
    • Ring a Rang a Roo  Time: 5:06
    • Woodpecker song  Time: 1:31
    • May of Bayswater  Time: 3:08
    • Wayward Boy  Time: 2:25
    • O'Reilly's Daughter  Time: 1:48
    • Monk of Great Renown  Time: 5:24
    • Sing Us Another (2)  Time: 3:48
  •   Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 3  
    • Joke [Bowl Movement Regular at 8]  Time: 0:33
    • Seven Old Ladies  Time: 1:53
    • Yo-Ho  Time: 2:12
    • Little Red Train  Time: 2:41
    • Twelve Days of Christmas  Time: 3:10
    • The Rugby Song  Time: 2:49
    • Oh, Sir Jasper  Time: 4:09
    • Knobby Hall  Time: 2:36
    • The Tinker  Time: 3:11
    • Money Rolls In  Time: 2:54
    • Bang Bang Lulu  Time: 1:54
    • Darkie Sunday School  Time: 2:44
    • Baker's Boy  Time: 3:00
    • Oggie Land  Time: 1:28
    • Grandfather's Cock  Time: 0:49
    • Sambo Was A Lazy Coon [w/ "Asshole Rules The Navy" chorus]  Time: 1:05
    • Christopher Robin  Time: 1:06
    • Did you ever see ?  Time: 2:16
    • Blinded by Turds  Time: 2:28
    • A-roving  Time: 2:41
    • Old Apple Tree  Time: 1:57
    • Sing Us Another (3)  Time: 4:05
  •   Rude Rugby Songs: Vol. 4  
    • Joke  Time: 1:19
    • Keyhole in the Door  Time: 2:32
    • H. A. N. D.  Time: 1:47
    • Sweet Violets  Time: 2:48
    • Three Jews from Jerusalem  Time: 4:16
    • Rajah of Astrakan  Time: 1:46
    • Sombrero  Time: 0:50
    • Ivan Scavinsky Scavar  Time: 2:50
    • Old King Cole  Time: 4:52
    • Hitler Has Only One Ball  Time: 1:11
    • Sing Us Another (4)  Time: 4:19
    • Department Store  Time: 1:49
    • Carolina  Time: 1:40
    • Us Devon Boys  Time: 1:21
    • Wee Wee Song  Time: 0:50
    • Toothbrush  Time: 0:25
    • Four Old Whores  Time: 1:30
    • Casey Jones  Time: 2:21
    • Don't Want to Join the Army  Time: 2:21
    • Bastard King Of England  Time: 2:48
    • Doggies Meeting (spoken)  Time: 0:52
    • Sing Us Another (5)  Time: 4:06
    • Bye Bye Blackbird  Time: 2:54
  • Rude Rugby Songs: Festive Fun  
    • Jingle Balls  Time: 2:36
    • We Wish You a Shag at Christmas  Time: 1:52
    • Fuck Off You Drunken Gentlemen  Time: 2:32
    • Fa La La La La (Deck the Halls)  Time: 1:40
    • Sing Us Another One (Xmas Version)  Time:4:13
    • What Shall We Do with a Homo Sailor  Time: 3:08
    • Sing a Song of Syphilis  Time: 0:27
    • The Alphabet  Time: 2:26
    • The Engineer  Time: 3:18
    • Thrashing Machine  Time: 3:02
    • Kathusalem  Time: 3:10
    • Woodpecker song  Time: 1:19
    • Don't Want to Join the Army  Time: 2:07
    • Three Jews from Jerusalem  Time: 3:59
    • Seven Old Ladies  Time: 1:41
    • Christopher Robin  Time: 0:56
    • No Balls At All  Time: 1:53
    • The Lobster  Time: 2:16

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Last Revised: 16 September 2006   Conditions of Use.  Thank You.  Known Bugs. 

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