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If you sing this song and are willing to talk of where & when you
learned it, please email me at
 or call me at 1234567890. Thanks! John Patrick.
Vanessa Picklegin.mp3
One night for a jar, I went to the bar
And I drunk the barrel dry;
And the thoughts in me head were very far from bad
'Till this harlot catch me eye.
She was withered and small, like a pickled walnut
Her bones had rubbed her sore,
With her teeth in a box, she had got the pox
And her age was fifty four.
CHORUS:
- I've made very bold with young and old,
And I've fucked em thick and thin,
[audience response: Thick and thin.]
But I've never, never straddled a whore so rattled,
As Vanessa Picklegin.
Well, no man knows who soberly goes,
To what that man can sink;
How his brain gets spoiled and he sees the world
Through the rosecolored specks of drink.
So I gazed in her eye till beneath my fly
My Y-fronts shockedly rose,
And the stand in hand grew so bloody grand,
That it nearly blocked me nose.
So up comes she and she says to me,
"Do you fancy a whore to screw?
I can take without fuss any doubledecker bus,
So I'll readily deal with you!
For the average fool with the average tool,
I charge an inordinate fee;
But since you've got a hard, which is more than a yard,
To you the admissions free."
So its back to her flat, and we slung out the cat,
And to bed without a word,
For she looked, and she felt, and she bloody nearly smelt
Like a week-old, whitewashed turd.
But I maintained that horn from night till morn,
And we fucked the dark hours through;
'Till the bones went crack in the middle of her back
And Vanessa fell in two.
Now all you lads that drink ale, be cautioned by my tale,
For as I scrambled free,
I loudly wailed, for my prick was left impaled
On Vanessas vertibree.
So, when you're in the pub, the harlots snub,
Or you shall surely find,
Though you may get away and not be asked to pay...
YOU'LL LEAVE A LOT BEHIND!
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